Nonprofit Radio for November 14, 2022: Your Corporate Funding

 

Lori Zoss KraskaYour Corporate Funding

 

In “The Boardroom Playbook,” Lori Zoss Kraska gives you step-by-step strategies—and healthy doses of encouragement—to improve your corporate funding process so you increase support and sponsorships. She’s with us to talk about her book.

 

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[00:02:02.01] spk_0:
And welcome to Tony-Martignetti non profit radio big non profit ideas for the other 95%. I’m your aptly named host of your favorite abdominal podcast. Oh, I’m glad you’re with me. I’d be hit with retinal Malaysia if I saw that you missed this week’s show your corporate funding in the boardroom Playbook, Lori’s ask Rosca gives you step by step strategies and healthy doses of encouragement to improve your corporate funding process. So you increase support and sponsorships. She’s with us to talk about her book. I’m Tony’s take two. I’m wishing you well. We’re sponsored by turn to communications pr and content for nonprofits. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c o. It’s a genuine pleasure to welcome Laurie’s Oscar Oscar to the show. She’s author of the book, The boardroom Playbook, a not so ordinary guide to corporate funding for your purpose driven organization. She’s got over 22 years expertise in revenue generation management, corporate sponsorship, support, corporate cause marketing, fundraising, corporate social responsibility and more. She’s held key leadership and corporate sponsorship positions in organizations like PBS NPR local stations, Clear channel University of phoenix midwest campuses and citysearch dot com. Her company is the growth owl. She’s at Z ask Raska and the company is at the growth owl dot com. Welcome Wise owl.

[00:02:03.90] spk_1:
Well, thank you Tony. It is my pleasure to be here and thank you for that. Beautiful introduction. Oh,

[00:02:09.40] spk_0:
well based on what you sent me. It’s all, it’s all true And keep it, keep it factual, glad to have the wise owl the growth owl with US

[00:02:17.87] spk_1:
that’s right. Thank you.

[00:02:19.57] spk_0:
And you’re, you’re in the Cleveland Ohio area.

[00:02:22.19] spk_1:
I am, I’m in the Cleveland Ohio area but I work with clients across the country.

[00:02:28.18] spk_0:
I I know Cleveland for the rock and Roll Hall of fame.

[00:02:31.89] spk_1:
Yes. Probably one of the most popular attractions when people come to Cleveland, it’s definitely not miss when you come.

[00:02:38.28] spk_0:
I imagine it’s on my list. I haven’t been there yet. But have you been, do you go, you bring friends or? Yeah,

[00:02:43.69] spk_1:
absolutely. Yeah. Most friends who want to come to Cleveland first ask about the Rock hall. So it’s, it’s a definite visit site.

[00:02:50.40] spk_0:
Okay, you’ve heard this before. The Rock Hall, That’s the insiders call it the rock

[00:02:54.22] spk_1:
the rock hall, we call it the Rock hall. That’s

[00:02:56.13] spk_0:
right. Okay. All right. I wanna be, I wanna be a Cleveland insider. Alright,

[00:02:58.97] spk_1:
alright. You got it.

[00:03:01.64] spk_0:
So let’s talk about the boardroom playbook and corporate funding. I gather you feel that nonprofits are not strategic enough in their corporate funding work.

[00:03:14.92] spk_1:
You know, it’s been my experience that nonprofits do really, really well and individual giving, planned giving, um, other types of giving, but where sometimes

[00:03:28.02] spk_0:
something

[00:03:53.05] spk_1:
gets overlooked. I just noticed it tends to be in that corporate giving area and I, I personally see one of two things. Either there hasn’t been much attention to it or they’ve put somebody to oversee it that maybe is really in charge of something else like planned giving or membership or individual giving and they’ve added a corporate support function. And it’s kind of like, wow, this is something that you’ve just added to my responsibilities. That’s totally different than traditional types of fundraising. So I do see that there is a need to talk specifically about how corporate sponsorship and corporate funding works because it is very different than other types of fundraising.

[00:04:12.72] spk_0:
And you’ve been on both sides, you’ve you’ve been on the sponsorship side for like PBS and NPR stations.

[00:04:19.48] spk_1:
Yeah, I

[00:04:20.50] spk_0:
mean those are huge. Those are all big names. Those are marquee names, Yeah,

[00:04:23.82] spk_1:
yeah, it puts me in a very unique position, I’ve been on the client side, I’ve been on the funder side, I’ve also been on the side that, you know, is looking for the funding. So I’ve got a great perspective, I

[00:04:41.70] spk_0:
agree. So let’s, let’s let’s let’s pick your brain, you have, you have this um uh sort of a little paradigm me mi mo

[00:04:45.49] spk_1:
Yeah, mm. Oh

[00:04:47.04] spk_0:
yeah, explain, explain me mi mo of course we’re gonna have plenty of time to go into details, but yeah, it was the high level MIm mimo,

[00:05:27.08] spk_1:
So for years, people have asked me what’s your process, you know, what makes you different, what have you? So I like to say, I just work with me mi mo and to me an effective fundraiser, whether it be for corporate or other types of fundraising is aligning your mental, your message and your motion and that motion being the activity to get things done to get that funding. So putting all of those three together in alignment, making sure your head is in check, your messaging is in check and the activities are in check will be kind of the secret sauce to your cell success. So my book is broken out into me mi mo and you know, really taking a look at how can you really capitalize on the areas that you have strengths, but also work on those areas where maybe you don’t have as many strengths

[00:05:43.16] spk_0:
and you have a very, you know, a lot of lot of step by step, I mean very clear do these five things to do this to get this and to overcome your anxieties uh which we’ll get to that, we’ll get to your uh periwinkle zombies, you know, to overcome these things. Uh you know, do these five things. So you know, it’s very, it’s very strategic, it’s very, it’s a very, it’s a very easy reads, very good read,

[00:06:08.15] spk_1:
I appreciate that and it was purposely written that way because I know a lot of business books and other books quite frankly can be kind of overwhelming and I really wanted this to be practical that you walked away from it at least taking a few good nuggets that you can implement right after you put the book down.

[00:06:24.40] spk_0:
So let’s talk about the mental and of course you have to acquaint us with your perry winkle zombies.

[00:07:08.68] spk_1:
Ah yes, so perry winkle zombies, if you if you read in my book you’ll you’ll see the setup I have is I love horror movies, you know give me a good Freddy Jason would have you a good haunted house but what freaks me out are zombies just don’t like them, they just freak me out. So when I think about how your thoughts can overtake you, when you get anxious about something, it be anxious about going into a meeting to ask for a lot of money, it could be having anxiety about well gee how much money should I ask for and then things like imposter syndrome or basically anything that’s in your head that’s preventing you from doing what you need to do. I also like to say there are people in your life that can sometimes be perry winkle zombies that um you know maybe they’re they’re trying to do it out of out of a good nature from a good place but they can impede on your progress. So it’s very important early on in that mental stage that you recognize what those perry winkle zombies are that could prevent you from kind of being the best fundraiser you can be

[00:07:34.56] spk_0:
uh and there perry winkle because periwinkles, a pretty color kind of a soft violet but these things may they come in, they come in a nice shape sometimes

[00:07:47.77] spk_1:
but

[00:07:48.55] spk_0:
they are insidious like like zombies are

[00:08:26.61] spk_1:
exactly right, tony So sometimes those anxieties or sometimes when you question yourself, you think it actually might be helping you, but in actuality it’s hurting you, and that’s where the periwinkle, you know, comes into play, you know, at first it looks it looks good, but actually it is kind of impeding your process. So you wanna watch for those zombies in your life, what are their mental or actually, you know, in your sphere? And I talk about in my book, you know, I had a client that had a director of Development that um maybe unconsciously was being kind of a periwinkle zombie to the Executive Director and the executive director really wanted to do more with fundraising and the Director of Development said, you know, you kind of stay in your lane,

[00:08:37.63] spk_0:
you

[00:08:38.79] spk_1:
know, you gotta look out for those things,

[00:08:58.09] spk_0:
right? As if she, the fundraiser was portraying it as helpful, you know, there there are things that only you can do, so you should devote your time to those things, leave these more mundane things that any Schmo like me can handle, you know, not that she was self deprecating

[00:09:00.03] spk_1:
like that, right? It

[00:09:01.11] spk_0:
was, it was altruistic in appearance that she was, she was a zombie in sheep’s clothing.

[00:09:07.22] spk_1:
That’s right, rationally, it makes sense in the conversation. Well maybe she’s right, but at the end of the day it’s impeding your growth anytime you want to get educated or learn to do something more with in your career, that is not a bad thing, so zombies attacking you in that way periwinkle zombie, you definitely have to tear it down.

[00:09:26.50] spk_0:
Yes as as frightful as it may

[00:09:29.33] spk_1:
be.

[00:09:29.88] spk_0:
Uh Well thankfully that executive director had you working with her, so if you love horror movies you will appreciate that. I’ve been, I’ve been on this, not on the set, but I’ve been to the place where friday the 13th, the original with kevin with kevin Bacon, with the young kevin

[00:09:48.37] spk_1:
Bacon, that

[00:10:17.39] spk_0:
was filmed that was filmed at a Boy Scout camp Northern New Jersey and I used to go to that campus, it’s called Camp no be bosco, no be bosco stood for North Bergen Boy Scouts and there were the lodges lodges were there the log cabins were places where you could stay and then there was an administration building and uh I don’t know, I don’t know if the dining, I think the dining hall is where the costumes were. So one time I went and they were they were they were in the midst of filming, so we saw a bunch of the masks and costumes,

[00:10:27.83] spk_1:
I’ve

[00:10:28.13] spk_0:
been at the little Boy Scout camp is now you know that friday the 13th the original was filmed at a Boy Scout camp and the lake of course is right there, is it Crystal Lake is it, is

[00:10:37.37] spk_1:
it

[00:10:38.09] spk_0:
camp Crystal lake, right well the real name is nobody bosco. I’ve swam in that lake. I’ve rowed boats in that lake, so

[00:10:47.16] spk_1:
And no, Jason coming out from the water trying to attack you,

[00:10:50.13] spk_0:
Jason. Okay. So you’re the expert I want to show Jason or Freddy? Okay, Freddy. What’s the who’s the Freddy? What show is his

[00:10:56.47] spk_1:
Freddy is a nightmare on Elm Street.

[00:10:58.72] spk_0:
Elm Street. Okay.

[00:11:00.46] spk_1:
Yes,

[00:11:01.98] spk_0:
shout out one other. Okay, so we got Jason Freddy. What’s one more that

[00:11:05.93] spk_1:
Michael Myers from Halloween?

[00:11:08.92] spk_0:
Okay, Thank you. You’re proving that.

[00:11:10.82] spk_1:
Really? My favorite is Michael Myers. Yes.

[00:11:14.34] spk_0:
Okay. Obviously, proving your bona fides in your harbor films. That’s right. You know who these guys

[00:11:22.41] spk_1:
are? Is

[00:11:23.50] spk_0:
there ever a horror film with a woman? Is there ever a woman bad bad actor in? Is there any horror film like that?

[00:11:31.88] spk_1:
That’s a great question. And I’m sure there is. You’re just putting me on the spot

[00:11:36.82] spk_0:
right there and I can’t,

[00:11:37.92] spk_1:
I can’t think about it. I guess you could you know, if you think some of the movies that came from the conjuring, there’s the nun, there’s the female dolls that are kind of creepy Annabelle. Um those coming to my mind. Yeah,

[00:11:56.03] spk_0:
If you think of another main character, you know. No, no, no, that’s just off the top of my head. I just, I was saying they’re all guys. Well, okay, not surprisingly. Well, we’ll keep the gender stereotypes out of this.

[00:12:11.84] spk_1:
So.

[00:12:13.08] spk_0:
All right. So, we got to stay away from the periwinkle zombies there sometimes people and their sometimes just in our own head.

[00:12:19.69] spk_1:
That’s exactly right, yes,

[00:12:31.00] spk_0:
Alright, get away, you know, you don’t that doubt and that fear overcome that. Okay, what else? What else? Mental wise you you tell a good story about a gentleman you met on an airplane

[00:12:34.30] spk_1:
paul.

[00:12:35.28] spk_0:
Yeah. Story of paul, you know, that’s

[00:12:38.33] spk_1:
Since the book has come out, I probably get more questions about Paul and unfortunately I don’t know what happened to Paul because this this literally happened early in my career, like almost 22

[00:12:48.11] spk_0:
years, you know enough, you know, enough to make it a very good story.

[00:13:49.24] spk_1:
Yeah, so um you know, basically I was on a flight from Chicago to phoenix and I struck up a conversation with who is paul? He was in his, in his fifties, he just left his job in banking to just put all of his enthusiasm in the software start up and at the time I really didn’t understand what the software is about. I just got the, just this guy’s really excited and he was excited because he had the opportunity to basically go to phoenix and pitch a room of investors to invest in his business, kind of like shark tank before shark tank was the thing and I thought great, well you know paul um found out we were gonna be in the same return flight later in the week, so you know, I can’t wait to hear about your your big pitch and how it went. So it’s a few days later I’m walking in the airport on the concourse lo and behold there’s paul at the bar and looking just really, really sad. So I approached him, I asked paul how it went and he said it didn’t and I said what? He said, I didn’t go to the meeting

[00:13:53.14] spk_0:
and

[00:13:53.94] spk_1:
I said you didn’t go to the meeting? What happened? He said, I just was so scared and paralyzed that they would not like my idea, it just wasn’t worth it to go. And I stayed in my hotel room and that stayed with me

[00:14:08.28] spk_0:
for

[00:14:46.53] spk_1:
years and I always use that even with my clients and with myself, if I feel any type of doubt go to the meeting, Lori, you’ve you’ve got to go to the meeting, you you can’t do what paul did. And paul even said to me before you know, we left that day, Laurie always go to the meeting, don’t do what I did. And again, here’s me, I’m in my twenties, this is early in my career and I’m looking at this guy that seemed so successful and so confident when we were on the flight together, it was a totally different person and this is somebody that created something in his head, a situation that wasn’t even real. You know, he was anticipating he was going to get all of this pushback and they weren’t going to like them. And the sad part was when I saw him, he was actually on a cell phone. The old flip phones back then. I’m sure you remember those tony and he said, I

[00:15:02.67] spk_0:
remember, I remember princess remember princess phones. Yes,

[00:15:07.59] spk_1:
me too.

[00:15:09.32] spk_0:
I

[00:15:09.96] spk_1:
do. And he said I was actually on the phone talking to my old boss, getting my job

[00:15:16.16] spk_0:
back. It

[00:15:16.36] spk_1:
was heartbreaking. So, you know, I I also end the book reminding people about paul and you know, again, he sticks with me and it’s a it’s a great reminder that you can really allow yourself to create situations in your mind that really hijack the progress or hijack good things from coming in, not only for your funding, but in your life quite frankly. So yeah, that’s my story of paul.

[00:15:44.98] spk_0:
I hope you didn’t sit next to him on the way back, did you? Because that would be an awful long.

[00:15:49.57] spk_1:
We did not.

[00:15:51.25] spk_0:
Okay, okay. That would be that would be a tough flight

[00:15:56.89] spk_1:
home.

[00:17:14.58] spk_0:
It’s time for a break. Turn to communications, the relationships, the relationships with media, we’re talking today with Laurie about relationships with corporate funders. You need to have relationships with the folks in the media who you want to be responsive when there’s something in the news that you need to comment on, you just have to be heard. Your voice needs to be part of the conversation around something, whatever the news hook is or just you want to get an op ed in. It may not be uh something that is based on a news hook, but something you feel strongly about, you need to be heard. This is all part of being a thought leader in your field. Turn to can set you up with relationships that can get you heard when you need to be and just when uh when you want to be, nothing wrong with wanting to be heard, turn to communications, your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c o. Now, back to your corporate funding. You you talk in a few places about managing expectations.

[00:17:19.68] spk_1:
Oh yeah,

[00:17:20.67] spk_0:
your own, your organization. Let’s let’s let’s get that out in the while. We’re talking about the first me of the memo.

[00:17:28.16] spk_1:
Yeah. So I think managing expectations is really important. So let’s start with managing expectations kind of in your own building. And it

[00:17:44.62] spk_0:
could have, we could have, we could have Mimi ma’am. Oh, that’s Oh yeah. If you want to do mental message, manage expectations and but then that’s two words. It ruins your cadence. But

[00:17:47.49] spk_1:
right, you got it,

[00:17:48.68] spk_0:
trying to mess up. You don’t want to mess up your mantra.

[00:17:51.18] spk_1:
That’s alright.

[00:17:52.86] spk_0:
I just thought of. All right.

[00:20:27.44] spk_1:
So, you know, there’s nothing worse than being in your in a meeting with your Ceo, in your c suite and they’re asking you about updates. It’s on fundraising. On corporate support and in previous meetings, maybe you were very, very excited about something about about a potential funder coming on board, but they’ve gone kind of quiet, so you’ve got nothing else to report on that meeting. There’s just nothing worse than that. You know, you do the round robin of reporting and it comes to you, you’re like, do I have to talk about this again. So I think it’s very important right away that whenever you’re discussing expectations about a potential funder, especially a corporate funder, you keep your expectations based on facts and not feelings. And when I talk about in the book, I even give some sample, a re responses. So if you do have your Ceo or CFO asking about, well how do you how do you think that’s going to go? I mean, do you, I think we’re going to get that money instead of saying something that’s feelings based? Like, you know, I went in there, I had a great pitch, I think we really connected really well. They’d be stupid not to want to fund us. You know, that’s very feelings based language instead you want to focus on factual language. Now we have the pitch two weeks ago they said that they’re gonna need X amount of time. We do fit in their corporate social possibility and corporate philanthropic goals in terms of their tenants. Forgiving so based on that, you know, the probabilities might be better than not. So there’s a whole different feeling or feelings The bad word, there’s a, there’s a whole different vibe that you’re gonna get when you’re spending time talking about fact versus feelings and that especially comes up. You know, if you don’t get the funding or if if the funding tends to be elongated in terms of the decision and the ceo is getting a little, you know, impatient. Well, what’s going on, you said this was going so well what happened here? So instead of taking it personally and saying, I totally get what you’re saying, I’m just as, you know, flabbergasted as you have you are that they haven’t come back to us. I put a lot of work in that proposal, that’s the language you want to stay away from. You have to again focus going back to the points of, we did what they asked us to do and there’s a process and we have to go through that process. So that is a great way to set expectations within the building. The other area of setting expectation is within something I call corporate depth perception. I talk about this in my book, you have to realize that corporations are dealing with thousands of different things and no matter how important your funding is to you, it’s not as important to the corporation

[00:20:47.95] spk_0:
and

[00:20:48.32] spk_1:
you have to realize that, again, not taking it personally and there are going to be times where, you know, sometimes it’s just not a

[00:20:56.58] spk_0:
fit,

[00:21:33.20] spk_1:
there’s it’s just not a fit, no matter how hard you try to get somebody’s attention, it’s just not a fit, or maybe the timing is off. But having the empathy for lack of a better term to understand what corporate decision makers are going through, it’s gonna give you um it’s gonna give you a kind of a long way with somebody in the positive, you know, if you’re able to say to someone, I realize you’re literally looking at thousands maybe of proposals and, you know, I’m just one of those, I just want to thank you for even the review, we appreciate that. That’s music to a corporate decision makers ears because they usually don’t even hear anything like that. And just by reaching out and having that empathy that corporate duck perceptions, you may have just moved your proposal from the bottom all the way up, because people will always remember how you make them feel and that’s that’s so important.

[00:22:11.97] spk_0:
You made that you make that suggestion uh, you know, near near the end as you’re saying, rather than saying, thanks very much for your time. You know, be empathetic, uh, extend yourself a bit and maybe, and and it’s and it’s your it’s your last paragraph with them before you walk out the door. So why not leave them with something much bigger than, you know, everybody else is the ubiquitous. Thanks for your time.

[00:22:18.22] spk_1:
Exactly, yeah. Anyway, you can make yourself stand out to help help them connect with you, that you understand what they’re going through in this process that’s huge.

[00:22:31.17] spk_0:
Anything else on the on the first me? Yeah,

[00:22:34.71] spk_1:
so

[00:22:35.88] spk_0:
I’m

[00:23:08.27] spk_1:
a really big believer in the self fulfilling prophecy and we kind of hit that with paul, but just in general, I really try to coach my clients and people that are reading this book, you know, watch the language you’re using about yourself, you know, we’re probably not gonna get that. Well, you’ve already said it to yourself in your mind that you’re not going to get that. Also watch when you’re writing your proposals, if you’re if you’re not in a good frame of mind when you’re writing a proposal for money stop, I really think it it comes through in the language, so I

[00:23:31.46] spk_0:
think that’s true. I think that’s true when you’re writing, when you’re writing emails to whether it’s to a corporate funder or anybody else, if you’re in a pissy mood, you know, you’re just you’re gonna be more terse, you’re you’re you’re you’re the right language is not gonna flow great. You know, it’s it’s it’s Yeah, I think it it comes through even in one dimension on the screen. I agree, totally

[00:23:38.73] spk_1:
does. Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, watch that self fulfilling prophecy, Watch the language you’re using about yourself and always remember that you are deserving of the funding and your organization is deserving of it and just remember to keep going back to that place if you’re feeling challenged when you’re not in a great frame of mind.

[00:24:31.95] spk_0:
That also applies terrifically too. When you’re preparing for your presentation, preparing to go in, you wanna, you wanna visualize yourself. I mean that when I, sometimes when I’m preparing for a training or, or Evan R or something, I’ll picture myself running through the finish line first, you know, like chest out, breaking the tape, breaking that, that tape at the finish line and you know, people are cheering and it’s uh, so we’re simpatico, I agree with you about visualizations, the value of a positive visualization

[00:24:54.12] spk_1:
and I give tips in my book about things to visualize the day of your presentation as well as before, if you’re able to actually get in the space where you’re going to present before the meeting, give yourself like a good half hour, it’s good to get into the space, get you in the right frame of mind and I’m a big fan of rehearsal, you know, I’m an, I’m an old theater kid, you know, I did a lot of theater in high school and in college and rehearsal is essential and you know, even when I was in public media and I was on the air, you know, pitching for dollars as they would say, trying to get new members, I would rehearse in my car on the way to doing a membership pitch and it works, so don’t be afraid to rehearse. I did.

[00:25:19.72] spk_0:
Yes,

[00:25:21.48] spk_1:
that’s

[00:25:33.06] spk_0:
a real, that’s a real art, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta keep people, you gotta keep keep motion, keep forward motion. Sometimes the calls are not coming in. Yeah, I don’t know if you’re doing, did you ever do the live? Like we can hear the, we can hear the ringing in the background

[00:25:38.91] spk_1:
live pledged? Absolutely, yeah, tough.

[00:25:42.33] spk_0:
When the calls are not coming,

[00:26:15.61] spk_1:
I’ll tell you, I’ve got to give credit is due. I worked for a gentleman who just retired out of public media a few years ago, his name was Kent geist, uh, he was a senior vice president of public media here in, in the Cleveland area. He was a master of the membership pitch and I learned so much from him, He was definitely a mentor for me in public media and I mean, it was an artwork, but the best part about it was he really cared, he really cared that the right audiences are getting access to this community resource in public media and it just really translated. So, uh, that’s, that’s, that’s the person who really got me through and really got me kinda through osmosis picking up on, you know, the right things to say at the right times

[00:26:52.37] spk_0:
when you can speak from the heart, you know, and, and channel that, but you know, then you gotta keep it going for 15, 20 minutes at a time. I mean that I’m not, I’m not minimizing it, but, you know, but when you can speak because you have a genuine emotional connection to the work, a passion for the work. When you can speak from your heart, that that that goes a long way,

[00:27:08.47] spk_1:
it’s so important because, and you’ll find a lot of people that work in public media are fans of public media, you know, um it’s that’s a big deal. We we know the content, we listen, we watch every day, so that definitely helps. And again, going back to what I say earlier, people remember how you make them feel. So we always go back to that um when we are in a pledge period and we know how to make people feel because we’re also listeners and viewers ourselves and we know the importance of the content.

[00:27:26.86] spk_0:
What about what about the 2nd? Me and Mimi Mo

[00:27:31.07] spk_1:
Yeah, so the

[00:27:31.74] spk_0:
second is

[00:27:56.89] spk_1:
messaging and um got a lot of good stuff in there about messaging, but probably the one that I’m spending a lot of time on and that has a lot of um a lot of questions I’m getting about is the power of brevity. I think if there’s one area that some fundraisers, whether it be written in proposals, presentations or just in one on one conversations, a bit too long winded. You’re given away way too much information up front when you’re just starting to want to court a corporate funder, as I also talk about in the book, you know, there’s, there’s kind of like a dating period to get to know a potential corporate funder right at first all you want in that first communication is enough of a connection that you want to get a meeting or another conversation. That’s it.

[00:28:24.62] spk_0:
You’re not

[00:29:59.37] spk_1:
trying to get the six figure or seven figure ask you’re not trying to, you know, take somebody to lunch right away. We just want to show that there’s a connection between what we have to offer as a non profit and the types of things that corporation likes to support and what’s the next thing we need to do? The next thing we need to do can be a phone call Expedia zoom, which is very popular now since the pandemic or it could be an in person meeting. And I also really highly recommend and I really challenge my clients and my readers. Try to keep your communications especially written email, communications to 100 and 50 words or less. That’s probably the hardest thing for most of my clients to do because if I go back and look at most of their emails that they’ve sent to try to engage corporate decision makers that went unanswered. They’re just way too long, Way too long. That’s exactly right and remember think about our world right now. A 15 2nd spots. No more than 30. I mean I see a 32nd ad, I’m like uh, you know, ping notifications. Five second pre rolls. We live in a world that demands and is used to brevity and communication, but at the same time we also want to get the information we need. So I try to coach my clients look in in being too long winded and giving up to information. You’re basically going against the tide of how we like to get information in our world right now. So it’s sometimes takes work in order to learn brevity. And and I do have some real practical ways to kind of learn brevity and to practice it every day if it’s something you struggle with in my book. But it is essential to be brief and when you are making that first connection, it’s just kind of three things who am I

[00:30:21.05] spk_0:
how do

[00:30:21.49] spk_1:
we connect? What is it you want us to connect about why we connect and what do you want next? And you should be able to do that within 100 and 50 words and the same thing with voicemail. You know, fewer and fewer people are using the phone. Um but those that still do be careful of those long winded voicemails. You really need to come up with something very succinct, rehearse it before you make the voicemail and be confident in your voice

[00:30:47.54] spk_0:
interesting. Rehearse your rehearse. Well rehearsed what you might say, but then rehearse to what you’re gonna say. If you get, if you get the voicemail,

[00:30:55.34] spk_1:
you

[00:31:03.98] spk_0:
also have a lot about research. You want us to research the company. You want us to research your contact at the company share some of your some of your research tips.

[00:31:25.28] spk_1:
Yeah. So um it is imperative that you research not only the company but the decision maker before you start contacting them. Even with that brief message we had talked about because there is so much competition right now. That wants the same money that you do. I was actually on an interview that I remember last year and I was talking about how the nonprofit world is, you know, competing for dollars and and the interviewer said to me, nonprofits compete I guess.

[00:31:38.24] spk_0:
Yeah. Yeah, I read that that was I was uh Yeah, it seems like an uninformed comment. Yes,

[00:31:59.04] spk_1:
I felt that way as well. But yes, they do compete whether they know it or not because a lot of times you don’t know the other funders you’re competing against for dollars, but I will say where, where you can really help yourself is in prep. So besides just obviously going to the website, you need to go even further. Look at the annual reports. Look at the reports around E S. G. As well as D. E. I. Diversity equity and inclusion. What specific things are they funding are they

[00:32:16.02] spk_0:
remind us what the DSG is. Everybody might not know the S. G.

[00:32:20.35] spk_1:
Yeah. So the E S. G. And I just blanked for a moment.

[00:32:24.91] spk_0:
Environmental, I got you covered.

[00:32:27.52] spk_1:
If

[00:32:28.35] spk_0:
I give you the first one, I bet you’ll get the second to

[00:32:31.05] spk_1:
sustainability and governance. Social

[00:32:34.02] spk_0:
usa social.

[00:33:34.84] spk_1:
Yes, so social. Environmental, sustainability, social and government. So thank you. Yeah, just caught me in the moment there. But what’s great is back in 2020 when we were all really focused on the pandemic, Fortune 500s were hiring chiefs of D. I. chiefs of sustainability um chiefs of their supply chain to make sure it was sustainable. Like, like crazy. And with that came different types of budgets, like they were all also given money to go out and find other folks to work with. Um And most people would attribute this to more the corporate philanthropic side, but we’re seeing these new budgets that opened up. So all of that being said, that is the case for you to take some extra time and to actually work on looking at the E. S. G. Reports and in many times the E. S. G. Reports and the D. E. I. Reports have contact information in there and you know, contact information is half the battle sometimes.

[00:33:38.61] spk_0:
Right?

[00:33:52.66] spk_1:
So I really implore you to go deep and look at those reports and when you’re talking to you then you can then reference some of that work, which a lot of fundraisers, sometimes they miss that step and then check their linkedin. I’m a big fan of linkedin

[00:33:56.34] spk_0:
and what that what that does if you’re if you’re talking about their own reports back to them proving that you did the research,

[00:35:20.97] spk_1:
that’s exactly right. And I love being able to use a prospects own words. I like to call it because their own words show that you’ve listened and they resonate with that. So being able to reference that whether it’s in written or verbal communique is definitely huge. So, um, and again, looking at your contacts linkedin page, I find a lot more contacts now are really putting a lot more about themselves on linkedin and in terms of their philanthropic interests. So let’s say you, you’re looking at someone that maybe on paper, the company might not vibe with you right away. But personally they really, you know, they’re involved in philanthropy per personally on another board, maybe that connects with your doing with what you’re doing. So you just never know. So really taking a holistic approach to research. Looking at the S. G. The D. E. I. Looking at linkedin looking at even facebook, I tell the story of a of a really hard to get vice president that I had one of my account executives at the time, get a meeting with, who was known for ghosting and who was also known to seem really, really excited to want to work with you and provide funding and then just kind of went away. So the story I tell is that I actually did a little research and found that we had a mutual interest in animal rescue, like down to the breed. And when I was in the meeting with my account director, we ended the meeting and I said, oh by the way, are you going to be at the doggy waddle? And she looked like what I didn’t even know about the doggy model. And you know, I mentioned that I saw we were in the same facebook

[00:35:45.80] spk_0:
group

[00:35:46.79] spk_1:
and so I made sure to see her at the doggy waddle and her hounds and my hounds and lo and behold, we got the letter of intent. So you just, you just never

[00:35:57.08] spk_0:
know research

[00:35:58.42] spk_1:
is imperative.

[00:37:25.93] spk_0:
It’s time for Tony’s take two. I’m wishing you well in the heat of the fourth quarter. Uh from giving Tuesday coming up in a few weeks to your weekly production goals, um comparing last year to this year, week by week, hopefully not day by day. Uh well, all right, you don’t need me to recite for you the litany of pressures in the fourth quarter. What I do want to say is I’m thinking about you take a deep breath, take some time for yourself. Maybe you can take a lot but take some and use it wisely. You know what’s best for you in the heat of the fourth quarter. You gotta take care of yourself before you can take care of your business. So I’m thinking about you, I’m wishing you well, I hope you succeed. And to do that. I’m urging you to take whatever time you can take some time to care for yourself too. That is tony stick to, we’ve got boo koo but loads more time for your corporate funding with Lori Zoe’s crossed. You name a resource that I, I’m not familiar with. I’ve never heard of Rocket reach.

[00:37:30.56] spk_1:
O Rocket reach.

[00:37:32.03] spk_0:
Maybe it’s maybe it’s ubiquitous and I’m, I don’t know, I’m, I’m zombie doubt or something. But yeah, tell us about rocket reach.

[00:38:13.66] spk_1:
Rocket reaches a great way for you to find email addresses. Now, I know it has a lot of different other functions, but um, I love Rocket reach, I would say at least eight times out of 10 of the decision makers that I am researching, I will find a qualified email address in Rocket Reach. The other thing that’s great about Rocket reach if they have an email address associated with the, the professional, but they’re not confident about it, they will even list that they have a color coding system of green, yellow and red in terms of confidence of the email. A now there are free versions of Rocket Reach, I will tell you that I have a monthly subscription and I find it extremely helpful. Um, if you are actively engaging corporate decision makers, especially those that are very high up VP and high, higher up levels for National Fortune 500 Fortune 1005 hundred’s it’s a, it’s a phenomenal tool. I like it a lot

[00:38:43.29] spk_0:
rocket reach dot com. Um, okay. You also recommend setting google alerts,

[00:38:48.68] spk_1:
Yeah,

[00:38:49.33] spk_0:
for companies, for people for, for sectors that you can make your connection with the folks you’re gonna be talking to flush that out for us.

[00:40:02.85] spk_1:
That’s exactly right. So let’s say you have a big meeting coming up with X Y Z corporation or you’re looking to really want to focus on someone in X Y Z corporation to start, you know, engaging for corporate support. I tell people that they could easily go to google and, and the easiest way to do this is literally go to google and type in setting up google alerts. It will basically walk you through how you can choose companies, topics, what have you and news about your news about your topics will automatically be emailed to you Now. I also like to remind people once you’re done, be sure you turn off your google alerts because you’re gonna get a lot of, you know, you’ll get a lot of them. But again, this is really something that you can use that’s for free, totally for free. You can do on google and you’d be surprised, you know, you, we all know, google search engine is pretty amazing. So you’re not only going to get news that’s news that you would see nationally, but you’re gonna get some of these little pieces that might be very hyperlocal or, or hyper industrial, that a decision maker would be pretty impressed that you would know about if you were referencing it in a meeting or in an email. So yeah, google alerts are great and easy to set up. Like I said, just go to google and type in setting up a google or and you’ll find it right away and how to do it.

[00:40:39.74] spk_0:
You also recommend using those while you’re in. If you’re in a waiting period, maybe you’ve sent the proposal, you sent your initial email no more than no more than 100 and 50 words and you’re maybe waiting or you got a reply that said, you know, we’ll get back to you or something. You know, you can you can use, oh, here’s here’s some interesting industry news that, you know, you might you might not have seen this article or something about, you know, your company was highlighted here. I thought this might interest you if you didn’t see it right? You can you can build a relationship with the person,

[00:40:58.47] spk_1:
I’ve

[00:40:59.33] spk_0:
heard that I’ve heard that companies, people actually, it’s actually people that work in companies, I’ve heard

[00:41:04.39] spk_1:
that

[00:41:05.22] spk_0:
programmers to that effect,

[00:41:34.05] spk_1:
they’re still around. So we’re always looking for additional touchpoints reasons to go back to people during the process. Right? So one of the best things that you can do is set up those google alerts. So you can send them news, maybe not only about something really interesting that’s happened within their company and you want to acknowledge it, but maybe something interesting that’s happened in their industry that you wanted to share, because maybe they haven’t seen it because they’re so busy, you know, and that is something that has worked really well for me as well as of my clients, because we are working with very, very busy people that get tons and tons of email. So to be able to share something regarding their industry that they might not have known about. Again, that that gives you a lot of points and shows that you have an interest with them of them beyond just, you know, getting the funding, that there’s a relationship you want to build,

[00:42:02.61] spk_0:
there’s a, there’s a certain book that you love that was recommended to you when you were in college.

[00:42:09.49] spk_1:
You

[00:42:13.53] spk_0:
why don’t you share the value of that, that book influence.

[00:42:36.44] spk_1:
So if you have been in fundraising or studied persuasion or communications, it’s, it’s very, very, um, plausible that, you know, the name, robert Sheldon E. And the book was actually initially called The Weapons of influence, but they kind of changed the title and now we have these six influence, you know, pillars that child any talks about now, it’s seven because he added one, um, as, as we, we got later into the years here, but I’m just fascinated by these persuasive techniques and, you know, I don’t want to go into each technique,

[00:42:56.15] spk_0:
right?

[00:44:43.16] spk_1:
Yeah. But if you want to, you know, search robert, Sheldon E and and the power of influence and just type in influence and you’ll see that he actually talks about, there are things that you can do in your communication, whether it be written or spoken, that can influence someone to the behaviors that you’re you’re hoping to achieve, but in a positive way. So, you know, some examples of one of my favorites that I use a lot would be something called social proof. So when I worked in public media, we saw social proof a lot. So if, for instance, if we had some local private schools that got on the air, or it’s on some of the stations to support the programming, we started to get phone calls from other private schools who wa wanted to be on the air because, you know, they want to keep up with the joneses, but also they think, well, wow, if these schools are supporting public media, maybe we should be doing that as well. So, you know, social proof is definitely a big one and um, reciprocation. So any time that, you know, you put yourself out there and you do something for somebody, you know, there’s, there’s a good possibility that the person you did something for will reciprocate, and, you know, there’s there’s a lot of different examples of that, but even in what we just discussed with the google alerts, you know, taking the time to send somebody an article about something going on in their industry. They may reciprocate something back, whether, you know, something about an article in your industry or reciprocate back with, oh, this is great, You know, let’s let’s let’s let’s meet again to talk about this proposal, let’s talk about the proposal again. So those are just, you know, too, that are top of mind with me right now, but they really are fascinating because if I think about what is kind of the backbone of why I’ve been successful and and some of the people that do what I do that are successful, they go back to the work of Child Dini and that there is some psychology to this besides just working hard, you know, um it is all in the positioning

[00:45:10.14] spk_0:
and I just want folks to know that child any is C I A L D I N I of course. And his lawyer said that the book is influenced the psychology of persuasion.

[00:45:24.56] spk_1:
Yes, Yes.

[00:45:27.14] spk_0:
I think we’re on the mo of me, mi mo

[00:45:30.87] spk_1:
the motion

[00:45:38.97] spk_0:
the motion. You talked a lot about rehearsing and um also in in motion you had sort of courting folks with with resources and ideas and but you know, I think I feel like you’ve talked about that, you know, according touchpoints touchpoints and in that respect, it’s very parallel to individual fundraising.

[00:45:54.42] spk_1:
Yeah,

[00:46:07.67] spk_0:
we see something that’s going to be of interest to an individual donor who we’ve built a relationship with because we know that they are avid sailors. Perhaps, Laurie happens to be a very avid sailor, uh, and sailing instructor too. Is that, did I get that sailing instructor to

[00:46:11.69] spk_1:
know you might have been thinking of the rock climbing instructor that I worked

[00:46:15.72] spk_0:
with? Okay, not

[00:46:16.97] spk_1:
a sailor. You’re

[00:46:18.50] spk_0:
not a sailor? No. Okay. I

[00:46:21.09] spk_1:
do live by a lake though.

[00:46:39.59] spk_0:
Yeah, thank you. That’s very gracious of you to say thank you. It’s rock climbing. Rock climbing, maybe. Okay. I don’t know where, I don’t know how I perverted rock climbing into sailing, but so the takeaway there is, make sure that, you know, the person’s interests accurately don’t don’t misunderstand what they’re interested in. And send them an article about sailing when it’s actually it’s actually they worked with a rock climber and not even that there rock climbers themselves. So

[00:46:51.37] spk_1:
make sure you

[00:46:52.14] spk_0:
make sure you know what the hell you’re doing when you’re keeping in touch with people, You know what the hell you’re doing. Yeah. But, you know, regrettably, you’re suffering a lackluster host.

[00:47:06.18] spk_1:
It’s all good.

[00:47:38.04] spk_0:
Somehow perverted rock climbing into sailing. I don’t know, okay, sports, you seem to be very sports oriented work for sports. Yeah. That we don’t have we don’t have that in common. So maybe that’s why I got messed up because I got nervous when I saw the XS and OS on your book cover. And I thought she’s gonna make sports analogies and the XS and OS of course are for baseball’s I’m gonna get all confused, and I don’t know whether it’s hockey or it’s football or it’s it’s tennis or, you know, it’s a I got nervous, I think that’s what made me nervous was the sports, I was afraid. But you didn’t bring up sports? I did. So,

[00:47:43.73] spk_1:
No. So, you know, really, the introduction of my book talks about um when I was in college and I

[00:47:50.00] spk_0:
was professional

[00:47:51.14] spk_1:
sports organization,

[00:47:52.39] spk_0:
Yes,

[00:48:39.25] spk_1:
and um it kind of sets up how I come up with the Boardroom Playbook, which is the title of my book, and I do have a few sports references, but it’s nothing if you’re not a sports fan, you’ll be able to understand them. So, and and also, I just also like to talk about athletes in general. They do a lot of the things that I’m actually talking about in terms of mental preparation. You know, they do visualization, um they practice, they rehearse, um and they don’t just rehearse their craft of being an athlete, but they’re working with the pr people, they’re working with the operations people, it’s it’s an overall, you know, it’s a lot of work and I try to tell people in the boardroom Playbook that corporate support is a lot of work, there’s no hacks to it. And I and I know there’s a lot of pa popularity and saying, oh, watch my webinar for the four hacks to do this, and what I’m saying is if you’re doing this right, there is there are no hacks if you’re doing it right and developing the relationship, it takes time. But you’re developing relationships that are long term, and you’re developing a craft that will stay with you for years, no matter what happens with technology,

[00:49:02.48] spk_0:
brilliant, thank you for helping me recover from my sports. Yeah, no, the book is not S

[00:49:10.43] spk_1:
G I can’t believe I just

[00:49:18.14] spk_0:
uh Alright, that’s true. I did. Um No, I don’t. Long time listeners will know that. I don’t know, I don’t know much about sports. My favorite aspect of golf is that it’s a nice quiet sport. I appreciate that, I appreciate the quietness of golf. Uh

[00:49:33.63] spk_1:
So unless

[00:49:44.04] spk_0:
somebody then they’ll be screaming and they’ll be throwing. Of throwing, of devices, the paddles will get thrown. So, um yeah, the book is not based on sports. I don’t want to give folks the wrong impression. I understood the book perfectly,

[00:49:50.27] spk_1:
so leave

[00:50:08.33] spk_0:
it, leave it at that. So, so I guess we covered the memo, the motion motion. You talk about, you know, courting folks, knowing what the hell you’re doing. Uh rehearsing is part of your motion and how important that is. Um but then you have last minute tips, like 48 hour tips. And then and then right before and dressing and comfort items, you know, talk about, talk about some of your last minute tips right before the moment

[00:50:21.98] spk_1:
I do. So this kind of goes back

[00:50:24.35] spk_0:
to

[00:50:25.52] spk_1:
the athletes, you know, athletes have routines.

[00:50:29.01] spk_0:
You know, there

[00:51:26.63] spk_1:
are certain things, some of them will eat something before a game, some of them won’t, you know, everybody has a specific routine. So I provide tips of myself and other people I’ve worked with of successful routines before you go into a big presentation and I take you from like you said a couple days before too, you know, the day of but um in general, you want to find the things that work for you that make you feel comfortable and confident. So these are little things like make sure you, you know, you wear your favorite suit that day or you know, whatever your your favorite clothing is when you do a presentation, make sure your technology works. You know that that that’s a big thing to um make sure that if you’re doing paper handouts, make sure you’ve got all those handouts prepared and and you make sure you have enough, make sure you know, the number of people in the room who’s gonna be in the room, you know, find out who’s gonna who’s definitely gonna be in the room. I also have items that I suggest you bring with

[00:51:29.50] spk_0:
you to

[00:51:30.67] spk_1:
any in person presentation at least two bottles of water because you never know when you’re going to jump into a dry mouth situation that has happened to me thankfully I had plenty of water with me. Um also mints and cough drops,

[00:51:46.17] spk_0:
I’ve

[00:51:46.43] spk_1:
also been in situations where I start to have this coughing fit that’s never good. So you want to have a cough drop with you, you know, these are very, very practical tips um and then also making sure beforehand if you’re presenting with somebody else because a lot of times you’re, you know,

[00:52:03.14] spk_0:
you’re

[00:52:34.74] spk_1:
presenting with other people, make sure you know, your roles. So when you’re doing that rehearsal before your presentation, don’t just go into rehearsal and say okay bob, you’re gonna do this and I’m gonna do this and rehearsals over. No, you actually want to go through the presentation. You actually want to have people there in the room from your office, they can sit in and watch, provide feedback. I find when you do that. I know some people are are cringing about it, but it really helps. It gets the rust off, especially if you haven’t done a presentation in a while and it just, it just shows that you know what you’re doing and again, taking it back to athletes, they practice, they practice before, you know, if it’s football every sunday, you know, so those are just a few of the tips, there’s a ton of them in the book, but you know, really getting to know yourself in terms of making you comfortable in that room. Probably one of the most unique tips I give though is having some sort of comfort item with you. Something that if you look at just kind of makes you feel good.

[00:53:02.73] spk_0:
I

[00:53:50.70] spk_1:
talk about my one former account executive I worked with who had a water bottle with pictures of her kids on it which I thought was neat. It’s also a good conversation starter and I had somebody else. I I was managing a gentleman that was kind of in a slump per se um was doing a lot of activity but just the money wasn’t coming in and he decided to bring with him um a a watch that his father used to wear and his father was a former VP of sales and very successful and lo and behold he brought that in with him and from what I understand he still brings it with him to large pitches and he’ll say I’m just keeping track of the time when in actuality it just gives him a sense of comfort and calm. So those are just a just a few tips. And I do emphasize the water a lot though because sometimes if you’re in a situation where you forget something and I should have done this earlier with E. S. G. I could have just taken a sip of my water and a lot of times that shot of H. 20. Will just bring you back to where you need to

[00:54:06.77] spk_0:
be. So

[00:54:07.68] spk_1:
those are just a few tips as well for once you’re in that moment.

[00:54:11.95] spk_0:
Excellent. All right Mimi. Well you could do me me meow meow too because you have a mental message, motion and moment.

[00:54:31.27] spk_1:
Yeah. So in the book I talk about me mi mo gets you to the moment and to your point earlier, you know I try to make it easy off the tongue. The me me meow. You had any other, mm. Yes,

[00:54:32.00] spk_0:
I was right. We don’t want to make

[00:54:33.97] spk_1:
me

[00:54:34.71] spk_0:
me, me, me me meow meow. You know people say well I’m talking to an infant now.

[00:54:39.90] spk_1:
She’s

[00:54:41.51] spk_0:
she’s stuttering. She doesn’t she doesn’t even know her own business. So

[00:54:45.93] spk_1:
okay mi

[00:54:50.34] spk_0:
mi mo 123 in and out. Okay. Um anything else that you know, I’ve asked you a bunch of things? Anything that we haven’t we haven’t talked about that you want to leave the folks with?

[00:56:05.32] spk_1:
Yeah. So um a chapter I get asked about a lot too is called pumpkin spice proposals. And um I thought I would just mention about that pumpkin spice proposal to me is a proposal that just has too much unnecessary stuff in it. And you know sometimes you just need the coffee, you don’t need the pumpkin spice. Right? So I challenge people, look at your proposals. You know, is there the feedback I get a lot from corporate decision makers? Is there too much clip art in it. Are you using their logo over and over? You know I have one gentleman I worked with. that’s what the Fortune 500 he said, I don’t need, I know what my logo is. I know what my company does. You don’t have to put the about us in there. I I get it. Just tell me what it is you want and why us. Um I think good proposals are no more than five pages. Um use a good size font. I think in the book I reference like 11 or 12 point font, Ariel times, new roman calibri as possible. Don’t get too creative. And I know this is tough for people because there’s a lot of seminars out there about proposal templates and you know, there’s a lot of training around it. I just like to keep it simple and that seems to resonate, you know, with a lot of the Fortune five hundred’s that I’ve worked with. So I would like to leave people with, take a look at your proposals. And is there too much pumpkin spice and just not enough

[00:56:22.65] spk_0:
coffee, Mimi, momo, periwinkle zombies, pumpkin spice proposals

[00:56:27.58] spk_1:
all

[00:56:28.36] spk_0:
uh it’s all in the book. The book is uh the boardroom Playbook, You’ll find it at the growth owl dot com where you’ll also find Laurie. Thank

[00:56:39.81] spk_1:
you

[00:57:37.29] spk_0:
amazon two. Okay, amazon. And uh there’s a little site called amazon and then you could go to the growth owl dot com if you want to go there. Thank you very much Lori it’s a real pleasure next week thought leadership and content strategy. If you missed any part of this week’s show, I Beseech you find it at tony-martignetti dot com. We’re sponsored by turn to communications pr and content for nonprofits. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c o. Our creative producer is Claire Meyerhoff shows social media is by Susan Chavez. Mark Silverman is our web guy and this music is by scott Stein. Thank you for that. Affirmation Scotty B with me next week for nonprofit radio big nonprofit ideas for the other 95 go out and be great.

Nonprofit Radio for November 7, 2022: Align Your Money With Your Goals

 

Sarah OlivieriAlign Your Money With Your Goals

There’s a dimension to your budgeting you might be missing: Organizing your budget so you know what impact your money is achieving for you, and you know the costs connected to your goals. Sarah Olivieri returns to help you course correct. She’s the founder of PivotGround.

 

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Every nonprofit struggles with these issues. Big nonprofits hire experts. The other 95% listen to Tony Martignetti Nonprofit Radio. Trusted experts and leading thinkers join me each week to tackle the tough issues. If you have big dreams but a small budget, you have a home at Tony Martignetti Nonprofit Radio.
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[00:03:22.35] spk_0:
and welcome to tony-martignetti non profit radio big non profit ideas for the other 95%. I’m your aptly named host of your favorite abdominal podcast. We have a listener of the week Cheryl McCormick, she’s ceo of Athens Area Humane society in Athens Georgia. Cheryl is a longtime fan many, many year fan of non profit radio she blogged about the podcast once, putting it in her top five, that was years ago, she’s been listening a long time, she was in my plan giving accelerator class, the very first one um in fact she was the first person to sign up for the very first class and we finally met in uh in Atlanta Georgia just a couple of weeks ago and she was so gracious, she took her her afternoon off to meet with me and we spent hours getting to know each other even better, catching up learning more. It was just a it was a real pleasure to meet this uh non profit radio super fan for many, many years. So Cheryl McCormick, thank you, thanks for taking all that time to to see me, you’re our listener of the week also happy Halloween. Now that’s a week late uh I need an intern to blame because I didn’t realize that, I mean I knew Halloween was coming up, but when I was doing the show I just didn’t realize it was gonna be published on Halloween Day the 30 obviously 31st so um you know, I you’re stuck with a lackluster host what can I say I hope you enjoyed your Halloween I’ll leave it with that I’m doing the best I can without an intern to blame. Hope you enjoyed your Halloween and I’m glad you’re with me because I’d be thrown into our neuralgia if you inflamed me with the painful idea that you missed this week’s show, align your money with your goals, there’s a dimension to your budgeting. You might be missing organizing your budget. So you know what impact your money is achieving for you and you know, the costs connected to your goals. Sarah Olivieri returns to help you course correct. She’s the founder of pivot ground Antonis take two does this show sound better? We’re sponsored by turn to communications pr and content for nonprofits. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c o. It’s a genuine pleasure to welcome back Sara Olivieri. She has over 18 years of nonprofit leadership experience. She was co founder of the Open Center for autism, Executive director of the helping Children of War Foundation and co author of lesson plan Ala carte integrated planning for students with special needs as the founder and heart behind pivot ground Sarah helps nonprofits become financially sustainable world changers. Her company is at pivot ground and at pivot ground dot com Sarah Welcome back to non profit radio Hey

[00:03:31.03] spk_1:
tony It’s so great to be here.

[00:03:42.02] spk_0:
It’s a pleasure to have you. Thank you very much and uh and thank you for sitting through that longer than usual intro to the show. I I had to shout out our listener of the week Cheryl and then I had to explain why I didn’t say happy Halloween next week last week. So thank you for sitting through that interesting through that. No

[00:03:53.15] spk_1:
problem.

[00:03:53.94] spk_0:
Now, you know I pronounced your name Olivieri,

[00:03:56.84] spk_1:
you got it. But

[00:03:57.78] spk_0:
do you just say Allah very,

[00:03:59.41] spk_1:
no, no Olivieri

[00:04:01.34] spk_0:
Oh

[00:04:09.56] spk_1:
yes, thank you. Just lean into the italian sound. People think I’m italian because I kind of have a little bit of that look but it’s actually from the jewish side of my family but you know, I’m an honorary italian with an italian last name.

[00:04:14.43] spk_0:
Absolutely. And you want to, you want to get every vowel sound in there. So thank you. Thank you for not doing olive very you’re

[00:04:20.88] spk_1:
welcome. Like

[00:04:21.86] spk_0:
O L I V E I know you got to get the Olivieri.

[00:04:26.96] spk_1:
Olivieri. Olivieri.

[00:05:11.81] spk_0:
Olivieri. Yeah, well the sarah kind of always wanted sarah that doesn’t sound italian sound not really, but I understand. All right. So you’ve got two great ones, uh, jewish and italian, I’m often confused for jewish people, people that I have a look that folks think is a jewish look. So I don’t mind it, we’re all suffering under our mothers. It’s all we all we all have the guilt from, from mothers so jewish or italian we share, we have that, we have that bond but let’s not, let’s not talk about oppressive mothering, let’s talk about organizing your budget, organizing you know what your money is doing for you so that you’re aligned with your goals. Let’s say high level, what could we be doing better?

[00:05:42.17] spk_1:
Yeah. Well, first of all, so many nonprofit leaders are not like money. People, they don’t have M. B. A. S. They’re not like and their budgets scare them. So if you’re listening now and you’re like budgets like, please, no, I want you to know that we can make budgeting fun because high level your budget is like your financial strategy, right? It’s a map that tells you how your money can work and how well it is working, Right? So if you like things like having more money next year than you have this year, and if you like things like having incredible financial data to tell these amazing stories about the impact you are making and the impact you could be

[00:06:08.14] spk_0:
making. If

[00:06:34.11] spk_1:
you like to have money to pay your staff and equitable, you know, fair market value so that they’re not overworked and run down and living in poverty themselves. A budget, not just any budget is your very, very best friend. Because it’s the thing that if you know how to arrange it, will unlock the answers to how you get most of those things. And unfortunately most people’s budgets are not telling them those answers right now. And so hopefully we’ll be able to demystify that a bit today.

[00:06:41.64] spk_0:
We absolutely will. Yes. We’re gonna we’re gonna achieve that. Hope. Alright. So, I should have called this budget is your friendly budget. Budget is your budget is fun and friendly.

[00:06:52.62] spk_1:
Yes. Right. Love your budget.

[00:07:13.31] spk_0:
Alright. Alright. Love your budget. Love your budget. I love how you were going to demystify and uh be upbeat about something that could be very uh dull if we’re not doing it right. So, but I can tell that you’re doing it right. You’re have manufacturers enthusiasm around budgeting. Okay. Um Where should we start? We need to start with vocabulary or is that

[00:07:17.29] spk_1:
like any bit of vocabulary just to make sure that nobody is kind of getting lost in the weeds because whenever we talk about budgets were starting to bring in a little bit of financial vocabulary and um I don’t want to need to be lost if we’re using that language or if you hear it. Right? So um

[00:07:36.26] spk_0:
Okay. Yes. Plus All

[00:07:37.47] spk_1:
right. We don’t want to be in

[00:07:39.17] spk_0:
it for you to be in jail when you say, you know net profit or something. Okay,

[00:07:59.21] spk_1:
that’s right. And you know what I want to tell everybody who’s ever nervous about budgeting vocabulary. Is that different people use it in different ways. So, my number one tip, when it comes to vocabulary actually what you write in your budget is def find what you mean in the budget because one’s person’s gross is not someone else’s gross. And these terms, you know, you’re like that’s gross. right? What’s net, right? It’s not the same for everybody. And you might find yourself in a disagreement about these terms. Um and you could both be right and both be wrong. So um I just encourage you to like really eliminate the jargon and just describe what you’re talking

[00:08:22.36] spk_0:
about, define like define it in a footnote or something like that,

[00:08:45.48] spk_1:
define it right in the line item, right? Just put it right in the line item. So um so first of all, most, a lot of the numbers in the budget are either money in numbers or money out numbers, Right? So they’re now we’ve eliminated all the dragon, right? Either it’s money coming into the bank or it’s money going out of the bank. And then we have another set of numbers which are called assets and that means assets is the amount of money that you have kind of stored away, right? That it was already put in and stayed in or things that are worth money, right? So if you have property that could be turned into money stocks, that could be turned into money, right? All those things are worth money. And so if it’s worth money or is money just sitting around that’s your assets

[00:09:12.77] spk_0:
back

[00:09:49.59] spk_1:
to the money in money out, right? Money in. We have some terms like revenue, gross revenue, net revenue. Um These are all ways of talking about our money coming in and usually money going out is a little easier because we talk about like x expenses typically, and there aren’t as many words that we throw around to describe expenses. Um And then the last kind of category that I’m just gonna call measures for today. These are the most important numbers that are usually missing from most budgets. These are the things like percentages in your budget that tell you how the money is working and that’s where the secret is. And luckily for you is, most of these numbers are less than 100. So smaller numbers are easy for our brains to like look at and think about. And so looking at percentages telling the story about how our money is working is really, really important and we can talk later about what some of those

[00:10:18.21] spk_0:
are. In fact, if the percentage Is equal more than 100, then we have a problem.

[00:10:20.48] spk_1:
Yes.

[00:10:22.66] spk_0:
Of our of our assets or our expenses are okay. All right. So do we need to distinguish between revenue and gross revenue? You mentioned those two.

[00:11:09.90] spk_1:
Yeah. So at the end of the day, so you’re always gonna look at all the money coming in in a budget. That’s usually what we call top line revenue, because usually at the top line of the budget. Right? So you want to be thinking about the total amount of money coming in and then you also want to be thinking about kind of breaking down where the money starts to go out and then how much is left over. So gross and net are terms that to describe how much is left over after certain kinds of expenses come out. So what I want to know is what’s my top line revenue and then after I’ve paid for my programs, um and especially like money that I wouldn’t have to spend if I didn’t have that program. So I want to know how much is left over after I paid my program expenses. And then I usually want to also know what’s left over if I not only paid my program expenses, but also paid my staffing programmatic expenses, like how much is left over after that, right in

[00:11:32.58] spk_0:
my right? Just staff program expenses.

[00:11:35.16] spk_1:
So all the program expenses and the staffing expenses of the program

[00:11:39.61] spk_0:
staffing, expensive program but not staffing of other other functions,

[00:11:43.46] spk_1:
not staffing of other functions.

[00:11:45.06] spk_0:
We’re not there yet. Okay.

[00:11:46.14] spk_1:
And then I get this number, some accountants call it contribution margin. A lot of people have never heard that, but basically it almost sounds like

[00:11:55.25] spk_0:
a contribution margin. Anybody says that I’m putting them in jargon jail,

[00:12:18.31] spk_1:
right? You’re like jargon jail. Right? So, but but what we’re talking about is how much money is left over after everything came in and you paid for all of your programs, how much money is then contributed to the general operating expenses, which you will never ever hear me call overhead. I call them operations. And the language we use in budgeting really matters. Right. And we all heard, but just in case somebody missed it. Right. Overhead is a good thing. And the reason is because overhead is operations and operations are critical to operating, right? No operations, no operating.

[00:12:38.67] spk_0:
It’s also investment in potentially future,

[00:12:40.28] spk_1:
essentially future

[00:12:41.49] spk_0:
work maybe you’re reserving for for a future ambition for a future purchase, maybe you’re reserving so these are all, you know? Yes, it’s it’s it’s it’s absolutely operational, but I also see as investment for the future

[00:12:57.23] spk_1:
and

[00:13:08.42] spk_0:
the and that’s essential your sustainability for God’s sake. So if people on your board are complaining that you have a reserve for something, you know, ask them. Well, don’t you reserve for future for future future recessions, don’t you reserve for future investments and expenditures in in new markets? So please sir, you know, be quiet

[00:13:38.17] spk_1:
Yes, you should have a reserve. And when you get to the very, very bottom, people sometimes call the bottom line at some point, you’re going to have a number that if you are a for profit business, you might label it profit profit margin margin. When we hear that word margin, I don’t want you to be scared. It just means how much is left after something else taken out right? That’s all margin is right. It means we had money in and we took some money out and then we wanted to know how much, how much pie was left. Right. Do we have one slice left, two slices left, you know that

[00:13:51.08] spk_0:
give an example of something margin, flush it out please.

[00:14:41.76] spk_1:
Sure. So, um, you’re, so we just talked about contribution margin, right? That’s how much money is left after we took out program expenses and program labor, right? So if we take out all of our expenses, program expenses, labor expenses, operating expenses, everything what’s left at the bottom is also our margin. Some people call that net, but some people put net somewhere else. That’s just the total amount of money that’s left over after all of our expenses. Now we need that money and I want to reframe the way we think about that bottom line because people get like really focused on that bottom line, obviously you don’t want to be leaking money every year, year after year. However, it is okay to have less than nothing left over one or two years. If you spent that money to invest in something that’s going to bring in more money in the future, right? Not everything pays off in one year, right?

[00:14:56.46] spk_0:
Staff, new staff, right,

[00:14:58.92] spk_1:
new staff or building a fundraising department. Right? So if you don’t have a fundraising department

[00:15:04.54] spk_0:
and write

[00:15:09.49] spk_1:
the people. So some people are making money, some people aren’t. So then at the very bottom, I want you to realize that, you know, kind of a rule of thumb I use is if the money left over, it needs to be at least equal to inflation, which on average is 3%. So if you don’t have 3% and what it was, what we have to define our terms, I’m always telling people define their terms. So this is where we get into those measures, right? So percentage is the amount of money that’s left over our margin, right at the very

[00:15:37.20] spk_0:
bottom.

[00:15:39.10] spk_1:
Um, and what percentage of that

[00:15:42.60] spk_0:
of

[00:15:42.90] spk_1:
the total revenue that came in? Right? So if total revenue came in was 100,000, right? We wanted and we have $10 left, what percentage, you know, is $10

[00:15:54.51] spk_0:
of, you

[00:16:09.72] spk_1:
know, 100 or 100,000 whatever. So, and you know what, you don’t have to know how to do the math because any spreadsheet will do it for you. And I have a template that we can give away where the formulas are already in there. So, um, So, but that way we, we want that bottom bottom number to always be at least 3%, is the new zero.

[00:18:35.77] spk_0:
It’s time for a break turn to communications. They sent their bi weekly e newsletter on message this week. And it had something that I think is interesting. It’s called three under the radar targets for your pr pitches and the three that they suggest our association publications trade and professional associations eager to hear about news regarding one of their members or latest advancements in the field, alumni publications and hometown newspapers. If your pitch is mostly about an individual, consider sending it to, uh, to uh, alma mater publications and, and hometown newspapers. And the third is e newsletters. They say you’ll likely have a few of these in your email inbox right now, like morning brew. Good, good, good. And the skim these folks published daily and offer the opportunity to get your news delivered to lots of loyal readers and they make the point that, you know, this is not the new york times or the Washington post or even the Chronicle of philanthropy. But you’ll get some, you get some coverage, you’ll get some exposure and you can use the, uh, use the content, repurpose it on, on your social channels. So linked to it, uh, that way also, and maybe on your blog as well. So it’s some coverage, right? I mean, it’s not the end all be all, but it’s three things that sort of are as they say under the radar and that is turned to communications. Clearly your story is their mission. Turn life into dot C O. Now back to align your money with your goals Folks in our high inflation period right now that we’re living in 2022, folks may ask, well, should it be higher now, should be eight or 9% or should it just be sticking with like 3-4 because that’s the average over over a long term and don’t have to worry about an annual fluctuation up or down. So

[00:19:01.58] spk_1:
I think you know you can go either way certainly if we’re gonna have high inflation for a while, I’d be wanting more money left over right? But overall I want you to be trying to not have zero. Right? You if you have so 3% is the new zero. That means you’re just treading water. You want to be or you know if we’re at 5% inflation, you just and you’re at 5% you’re just treading water so you really want to be Probably and it will vary pro organization, I would want to be at least 10 to 15%. So that means I now have money to invest in next year. Right? So if I want more money next year than this year, I have to increase my operations around how I raise

[00:19:21.90] spk_0:
money. Which

[00:19:48.08] spk_1:
means I have to put money into the money making machine so that it can make more money, right? Your fundraising function is a money making machine. And the fuel is money. You put money into the machine, you put a dollar in and you get a dollar 25 out or a dollar 50 out. Or maybe it’s even better. You get uh $2 out, right? But if you don’t feed the money making machine money so that there are people to run it. Um And materials and all the stuff you do to fundraise, you won’t have more money than next year.

[00:19:56.99] spk_0:
Alright, alright, now some folks are gonna say so I just have to get this little thing out so you want you want rather than treading water, you want us to be doing a strong breast stroke?

[00:20:06.74] spk_1:
Yes, right? Doesn’t that sound better? It

[00:20:10.33] spk_0:
just felt like extending the metaphor

[00:20:12.89] spk_1:
butterfly. If you feel like

[00:20:14.56] spk_0:
you could do the butterfly, that would be that would be outstanding. Now some folks will say well, but the the the only way to there are two ways to increase your margin at the end of the year. Either increase revenue through feeding the fundraising machine or cut expenses.

[00:20:33.11] spk_1:
But

[00:20:43.46] spk_0:
now if you start getting into cutting expenses, what do you, you know, are we just cutting paper clips or are we cutting staff? Which could be very detrimental, cutting back on properties where we have outreach, you know, that could be very detrimental. So

[00:20:48.99] spk_1:
just

[00:20:49.45] spk_0:
put words in your mouth. So

[00:21:14.27] spk_1:
No, no. So I I like to take all of my expenses and kind of mark them in my budget according to three categories. I like to be silly. I use three icons, I use a heart icon which means this expense is creating an impact. I use a money bag icon to say this expense is generating money, right? And then I use a picture of a toilet bowl to say this money, just goes out the door and it doesn’t make impact or money, right? And some things make impact and money and we want a lot of those, if you have an organization that all of your expenses are making impact and money are probably very, very healthy financially. So all the ones

[00:21:33.97] spk_0:
with, that’s

[00:21:38.31] spk_1:
right. Or you can put two icons in the one, you know, in the line. Now, if you start labeling the moneybag line items as your revenue generating expenses, if you want more money next year or the year after or tomorrow, you need to increase your revenue generating expenses. If you decrease your revenue generating expenses, what’s going to happen?

[00:22:02.90] spk_0:
I mean

[00:22:18.77] spk_1:
revenue, Right. So I think, and once those words are so powerful because watch somebody try to cut a revenue generating expense once it’s labeled like that, right? They’re not gonna do it now all of a sudden it makes perfect sense. And I, I saw this mistake happened at the beginning of the pandemic. I’ll never forget the first time I sent out an email to my list at the beginning of the pandemic, I got back all of these like auto responder emails of people who had were gone because they had been fired so many nonprofits cut their fundraising

[00:22:39.78] spk_0:
staff. Yeah,

[00:22:43.77] spk_1:
that was like, that’s like cutting off your own feet, right? You need to increase. And as true with many, many disasters, you know, it turned out the pandemic was actually quite a good time for fundraising. All of my clients did better financially, not worse. And they were investing in revenue generating expenses in a time when they were going to need more

[00:23:31.15] spk_0:
revenue. Yeah, it was a short time. It was a short term panic. Uh, and unfortunately there are organizations that and for profit as well, corporate as well that reacted panic wise, you know, knee jerk and um, and that I think in the, in the medium to long term that hurt all those, all those who did that. Um, yeah, that’s

[00:23:32.36] spk_1:
rough times. Well, let’s get back to fun things like budgets. So here’s a big tip when it comes to lay out, right?

[00:23:39.24] spk_0:
Just for fun friend. Remember that

[00:23:40.86] spk_1:
my fun friend.

[00:23:42.07] spk_0:
Budget a mere friend. This is your one of your fun friends. Okay. Yeah. Yes, We’re back to budget. All right.

[00:24:00.90] spk_1:
So maybe I’ll just a little P. S. A a little budget advocacy to take us into happy times is I want your budget to be for you, right? The I. R. S. Has a version of your numbers that they want to see. And if you we get grants, foundations may have a version of a budget that they want to see. But first and foremost, I want you to feel that your budget the way it’s laid out is a tool for you, the nonprofit leader, right? That’s what it’s there for. This isn’t just something we need to throw to other people and yeah, you can have somebody rewrite it. So it satisfies somebody else. But I want you to really love it as the tool for you and lay it out the way it starts to tell you a story.

[00:24:31.23] spk_0:
All right,

[00:24:33.10] spk_1:
That’s right. You love your budget?

[00:24:35.13] spk_0:
Yes. Budgets. Budgets are budgets are people too.

[00:25:54.62] spk_1:
That’s right. So one of the ways I like to get my budget telling a better story that I don’t see anybody doing it. So simple is I like to take all of my fundraising revenue and expenses because your fundraising function is kind of like a business inside a business. Right? And I like to move it to the very, very back autumn of my spreadsheet. So I have revenue that comes from programs at the top. And then I take out the expenses from the programs and then I take out the operating expenses and then I get the true cost without fundraising of my nonprofit. And it might very well may be negative. It kind of depends if it’s appropriate for your non profit to be generating funds from its services. I do by the way, count, um, restricted grants that our first specific program as program revenue. Right? Because if you didn’t have the program, you wouldn’t have that revenue. That’s how I kind of divide the line. And then, so I get this, this is the true cost. So my nonprofit is negative. 200,000 to run all of our programs. Right? So we now know now we have, our true fundraising goal are true fundraising goal is, You know, 200,000 plus three

[00:25:58.61] spk_0:
minimum.

[00:25:59.88] spk_1:
Right? And now, because have you ever been in front of a budget? I bet you’ve seen this tony where like, you know, you’ve seen various versions and they’re just kind of like monkeying with the fundraising numbers at the top. It’s like a game to make the bottom number go zero, right? Like it’s not necessarily based in reality, I’ve seen that happen on lots of

[00:26:17.54] spk_0:
boards,

[00:27:07.63] spk_1:
you know, budgets being presented to boards. So now we have the true, you know, fundraising goal and the true cost of running our nonprofit without fundraising. And then I have this little section where I have fundraising money in revenue, you could call it if you want, but we have the amount of fundraising money coming in is unrestricted money. And um, and the amount of money going out. Right? So what is our fund Raising staffing costs? What are, are you know, marketing expenses, communication expenses all around fundraising. And then I see how much is left over. Right? My fundraising margin, if you will. Right, this is so this is do I have $200,000 coming out to match my bottom line or let’s say if we have 200,000 at the bottom we want 300,000 out of fundraising. So now I know if it’s going to be enough, right? And what do I do if I want more, more fundraising money, I gotta, put

[00:27:15.66] spk_0:
the machine, you

[00:28:58.41] spk_1:
gotta feed the machine, you gotta put dollars in the machine. And then I also, there’s, this is where those measures come in and it’s harder to talk about these Over the radio. But, um, that to 300,000 out, I want to make sure that that’s a healthy percentage of how much I put into the machine, right? So I want to know is my machine working well, right? Do I put a dollar in and get a dollar out or do I put a dollar in and get 50 cents out? Now? The truth is, unfortunately, people measure this in different ways. So there isn’t like, you know, an industry norm that’s really well calculated for you to assess on, but certainly if you’re putting a dollar in and getting a dollar out, You’re not fundraising, right? That’s, that’s zero, that’s a total sum of zero. And, but what I really want you to watch then is year over year or even month over month. Um, is that, is that percentage increasing? Like, so maybe I put a dollar in last year and I got a dollar 50 out and then this year I put a dollar in and I got a dollar 75 out and then next year I put a dollar in and I got $2 out, right? So double your money is always pretty good. I like to benchmark against some other things like what’s the average return on investment, right? There’s another jargon term, right? Just means return is how much money comes out of the machine, Right? So your return is I put a dollar in and my return is $2 out. So I compare that to the stock market. You know, would we be better off just putting money in the stock market on average compared to our fundraising department? Can they beat the average? I’d say they should be able to beat the average otherwise just don’t have a fundraising department and invest in the stock market. Right? Um, um, so you can kind of benchmark around some other things, but really you want to be investing in and making a healthier and healthier money making machine and that percentage is how healthy you are.

[00:29:41.12] spk_0:
And, and if the, if the margin is not where you want it to be. I mean, there are other reasons to have fundraising outreach, building long term relationships with corporate funders, individual donors, ultimately, hopefully leading to planned gifts. So there are, there are reasons why, as you had said earlier in the, in the short term, your margin may be negative on fundraising. You’re, you’re working to turn that around as relationships grow, whether institutional or individual, uh, as maybe events grow. Hopefully you’re not too event depending if

[00:29:49.21] spk_1:
you measure those events, probably their margin is, you know, their percentage is probably much lower than your other activities

[00:29:56.82] spk_0:
gets hard. Events get hard to measure then you should be measuring the staff time that goes into the events

[00:30:02.00] spk_1:
and absolutely

[00:30:09.97] spk_0:
that’s where you know your bake sale type events are not not sustainable. Not certainly not going to sustain your nonprofit. Um

[00:30:15.28] spk_1:
Okay,

[00:30:15.64] spk_0:
so I just you know I just want to flush out a little bit when you said you know you may as well be in the stock market if you’re if you’re fundraising margin is zero but you’re building towards something.

[00:30:26.84] spk_1:
Yes, absolutely

[00:30:28.42] spk_0:
much much more robust than you’re you’re working with now in the in the immediate term.

[00:31:25.59] spk_1:
And probably you can make your fundraising department work way better than the stock market, especially in the long term. And that goes back to your budget being for you. It does not have to just be an annual budget. In fact I always encourage organizations to be looking at least three years into the future, right? Like real life doesn’t function on the calendar year, right? Like real life things develop over time and they don’t have to fit into that 12 month box. That’s for the I. R. S. Right. But your real budget should really consider like when is a reasonable expectation for us to be seeing that money coming back when we know it takes the you put the money in the machine. It’s not instantaneous. And some things like you know used to plan giving right? Plan giving has a really long time line, you put the money in the machine And it might take years. It might take 10 years, 20 years, but you could put a dollar in and get like $200,000 out, right? Like

[00:31:39.27] spk_0:
huge. Um Let I I want to get to connecting your you’re connecting your goals to you, to your budget. But I but I want to make sure is there anything else that we should talk about around, you know, organizing the budget and seeing the impact of your money before we get, you know, specifically two goals.

[00:33:02.42] spk_1:
Yeah, I think just that, you know, just like we talked about, right? That that percentage margin, right? That’s the the percentage of money that’s left over compared to how much came in is the number you can use over and over in your budget. That’s the number that tells you how well is this working? Right? So, if you want to know, so, you know, maybe you have three programs and you want to know, you know, how good is each program at making money, right? And they don’t all have to make money because we’re primarily trying to make an impact. But you can then take say how much money, you know, does this program being bring in and subtract all the program expenses including the people and then say what percentage of the money left over compared to the money that it brought in, Right? And then you can say, okay, out of these three programs Program A is great at making money. Program B is so so at making money And program de just, you know, eats money. It doesn’t bring in any money. It’s always in the negative. But that’s okay. And then like what we’re about to talk about measurement, but we might then say, well, pro program A is good at making money and it’s good at making an impact. So let’s do a lot more of Program A program B is so so at making money and you know what? It’s also so so at making an impact. Maybe we should consider getting rid of it, right? If it’s not really doing either. And program D. Maybe it’s gushing money, but it makes such a big impact. You’re like, this is totally worth it for the impact. And we can make up the difference with our fundraising.

[00:33:32.21] spk_0:
Why do you go A B. D.

[00:33:33.96] spk_1:
Oh, I don’t know. Abc I’m getting over from Covid. I may still have a little brain fog, right? You know, your

[00:33:41.17] spk_0:
abc

[00:33:42.38] spk_1:
numbers,

[00:33:43.27] spk_0:
your numbers person, not a

[00:33:45.43] spk_1:
person,

[00:33:46.92] spk_0:
not alphabet. The alphabet will work on work on the A. B. CS. And another in the next

[00:33:50.98] spk_1:
show. Right,

[00:33:53.03] spk_0:
okay, let’s connect all this to our goals.

[00:33:56.26] spk_1:
Yeah,

[00:33:57.54] spk_0:
it seems to me that’s something that you you seem to emphasize that folks are not not aligning the two, you’re budgeting with your costs with your goals.

[00:34:12.14] spk_1:
Yeah. So one is like, you know, if you can measure your your money and how well you’re making money, right? Where are you able to make money either in programs or through fundraising? You can line that up now, right? Do you want to expand a program? Right, So that’s a common goal, right? We want to expand program d my favorite, maybe program C right? Program.

[00:34:31.88] spk_0:
You can

[00:36:31.38] spk_1:
See that. So program, see we love program, see it’s helped 400 people this year, and we really want it to be helping more like 4000 people buy in the next three years, Right? So we want to expand that. So in order to expand that, we need to, you know, how much money are we gonna need to expand it? Right? And it always costs more to grow than to maintain, right? So for expanding, I’m always thinking extra money, extra money, not just the cost to run it. Um, And then we can say, okay, how do we, you know, is this gonna generate money as it goes to fund itself, its own expansion? Or do we need to simultaneously be boosting up? You know, improving the fundraising machine so that it can fund this expansion. So now you have kind of, you’ve connected the finances to the goal and you can start to make decisions like, okay, I don’t just need to write if you just said, oh, I’m gonna write a grant and pay for the expansion of this program. Well that always sends off red flags for me because I’m like that program, if it I need to know first, if it’s not gonna pay for itself 100% and its own growth, then I’m gonna get the grant, I’m gonna launch the program and then the grant’s gonna end and the program’s gonna be in trouble. Right? So I know that while the grant might be icing on the cake, I really need to invest in boosting up my fundraising machine, making it more more effective, efficient feeding it more money. I need to be putting money in there so that I can now expand and have another program. So every time I like to call a mission pie, right, there’s your programs and your money pie, that’s your money machine. So every time you want to make more mission pie, you probably also have to grow your money pie capabilities. And so a lot of people don’t do that. And then we get like huge programmatic operating costs and we don’t grow our fundraising capabilities simultaneously. So that’s one example,

[00:38:49.13] spk_0:
it’s time for Tony’s take Two I think this week’s show sounds better. Am I in both of your ears this week instead of only your left ear or both speakers. If you’re on your desktop instead of only your left speaker, Pretty sure that I am and I am sorry about the past many weeks in august I upgraded audacity, which is the program that I use for post production, Like adding intro and outro and these Tony Take 2s and sponsor messages and cheap red wine. Of course you gotta gotta add cheap red wine, right That all that all gets added at the end later on in post production so that I’m not interrupting what I hope is a valuable conversation with guests. Right? No interruptions. I had the stuff later and something changed in the new version. After I upgraded audacity. I knew what was wrong. I knew it didn’t sound right, but I couldn’t figure out what the problem was. Uh, and then finally I researched and I experimented and I did find the problem. So now the music is in both ears, The talk is in both ears and the problem is fixed and now things are back to normal. Uh, it had been quite annoying. I know to listen in one year but those days are over, we’re, we’re, we’re now in november and the technology, Well the technology has an advanced, the user has caught up with the technology that’s what’s happened. So that was annoying as sh it as I was listening to it and I was frustrated but the frustration is in the past brighter days now, starting in november. That is Tony’s take two. We’ve got boo koo but loads more time for align your money with your goals with sarah olivier t another

[00:39:07.53] spk_1:
another is around. yeah. Around how we tell our donors and ourselves how good of an impact we make and whether or not it’s the best way to do it. Right? So this is where you’re in your budget and in the template I have, it’s fully laid out like this. You want to have kind of a a separate tab. Hold on. Let me start. Let’s

[00:39:10.98] spk_0:
make sure we get this out. Where can listeners find the template?

[00:39:14.85] spk_1:
We will let me see if I can tell you the link right now.

[00:39:20.19] spk_0:
Is that pivot ground

[00:39:21.63] spk_1:
pivot ground dot com. And I may have

[00:39:26.19] spk_0:
you just click resources or something like that

[00:39:38.29] spk_1:
if you click um free resources from the homepage. If you’re following along. Um, and there are a few places we can that you’ll have several resources.

[00:39:41.39] spk_0:
Okay, what’s the template called that? We

[00:39:44.59] spk_1:
template is the ultimate nonprofit budget,

[00:39:48.35] spk_0:
nonprofit budget. It’s at pivot ground dot com. And click on, click on free resources. Okay. You needed that. You need that little parenthetical. Ok? Please please continue. I want to make sure folks can find this.

[00:40:54.82] spk_1:
Okay, so let’s say, you know, let’s deal with you know, programs. See again, we’ll give it some more love. And we’ve started to measure its impact. Right? So, and this is tricky, right? There is not a direct correlation. Oftentimes, especially in human services measuring impact. You know, we’re kind of triangulating? It’s not like, oh, X number of people served well, how well did you serve them? Right. Was this like a life changing service or was this like you’re not homeless last night kind of service. Right. Um, so, but what, however way you can, can measure it and you can measure it in multiple ways, how many people you served in a day in a week, Right? Um, you can now then take those program costs and say, you know, divide, divide them by how many people you served and find out how, how much it costs to serve one person. And the math is all in the templates. I don’t want people to get like nervous about math, but there’s lots of examples. So, um, now we know

[00:40:57.65] spk_0:
maybe, uh, maybe a little uncomfortable with math, but they definitely have their alphabet down.

[00:41:02.51] spk_1:
That’s right. Which I clear I’m good with the math. Just not, not

[00:41:06.06] spk_0:
properly radio listeners, very savvy, very savvy group. We have, we have the abc, we’ve mastered that recently, but we’ve mastered

[00:41:14.38] spk_1:
it. Good for you. And I say,

[00:41:16.79] spk_0:
we, I’m including myself in this.

[00:41:18.65] spk_1:
That’s right. We’ve

[00:41:19.48] spk_0:
mastered the alphabet. We can, we can rely on that baseline.

[00:42:26.93] spk_1:
So let’s say, you know, it costs, you know, $500 to serve one person for one day. Now there’s a few things we can do with this, number one. We can tell a fundraising story. Like, hey, it costs $500 to serve one person for one day, how many people do you want to save? Right. Like, um, do you want to say one person half a person. Right. And we started actually just had this conversation with a client the other day. They help victims of domestic violence and the real costs of supporting somebody to leave their house. Often it’s women who are leaving with an average of two Children and leaving everything behind and now have a giant legal battle ahead of them as well as rebuilding their entire life from scratch. The cost to save a life of a victim of domestic abuse is very, very high. It’s in the many hundreds of thousands, Right? Um, so you can start to get a grip on what does the impact you’re trying to make cost? So, but besides telling a donor story, you can, and I really think you should start asking yourself, is there a way we can get the same result with spending less

[00:42:39.57] spk_0:
money,

[00:43:59.50] spk_1:
Right? Because if we can do that, then we can get that result more and more and more. That’s how we begin to scale. That’s how we begin to say, Okay, last year $100,000 could get this amazing result for 100 people this year. The same $100,000 because we’ve changed the way we have designed to get the same result now serves 100 and 50 people right? Isn’t it better to serve 100 and 50 50 then 100 as long as the result is just as good. I’m certainly not suggesting we like fun results. Um, just to save money. Um, that’s not what we’re talking about, but, but we really want to ask that question like, you know, and just like we compared to the stock market right? Like is this help we’re providing that cost this amount of money? What else could we do for that money? You know, does this really make sense? Is that a really good amount of help? And you know, there’s, um, I think they’re called give directly, they’re a nonprofit that just gives cash. Um, they serve poor communities I think around the world and they’re very good at measuring this kind of thing. And they’re always comparing, you know, if we’re trying to solve this problem, like, um, you know, starving Children in this community, Is it more effective to open the soup kitchen and start feeding the Children or is it more effective to just give their parents cash or give the kids cash? Right. And again and again, you know what they find is just giving people cash free and outright no restrictions solves the problem at just as well, if not better for less money than building a whole

[00:44:14.70] spk_0:
program. But

[00:44:16.03] spk_1:
if you don’t know those numbers, you’re not gonna have that answer. There may be an easier way. There may be a better way, but you’re not going to know that if you can’t start measuring this kind of thing,

[00:45:21.16] spk_0:
that’s also where investment in technology might be able to make a difference for you in terms of, you know, the way your scheduling, uh, the way you’re in taking, you know, maybe maybe your intake folks to use your client example of domestic violence victims. Uh, maybe your intake folks would be better served with tablets than paper or, or laptops and tablets or, you know, or, or phones than laptops. So, investment in technology may help, um, investment in processes or the designing processes. So that takes time. That’s, that’s a lot of introspection. That’s a lot of time because again, you know, you don’t wanna you don’t want to diminish the impact and you don’t want to treat your, your certainly your, your beneficiaries as anything less than people deserving respect. So I’m not saying hand them a tablet, but there may be process ways, technology ways, um, maybe different staff organization, but you know, it takes introspection to try to reduce, reduce friction, reduce costs and, and keep impact the same.

[00:47:29.35] spk_1:
And that’s where you then get all of your, um, you know, I like to kind of like your, your tactical, your, your tactics related to your goals. So the goal is, um, you know, so I break goals down into like what’s the outcome that we don’t have control over and then the kind of related goal that we do have control over. So if the outcome goal is we want to now see if we can serve 150 people instead of 100 without spending any more money. And then the thing that you do have control over. Well let’s test, let’s set a goal to test new technology. Let’s set a goal to test new processes. Let’s set a goal to work with a consultant to improve the way we do intake. Um and then let’s see if these things start to have the the the total impact that we are hoping for. Um I had that with a large client human service organizations like 45 different programs and they had no central intake process or process to kind of move people between their different programs. They were mental health organization and a lot of people needed to go from one service to another, like maybe first they needed addiction recovery and then they needed peer support and housing support and then they needed job job support, right? So they really need to be taking a journey, but they didn’t have a way to take people on a journey. It was just kind of a free for all the person had to be their own guide. And so we kind of really went through with a fine tooth comb. How do people come in, what service are they coming in for? And then how do we begin to take them on this journey? So that because the more people who go on a complete journey the bed, the result is right. That’s how we go from making somebody just not homeless last night to making a lifelong impact for someone who now is in stable consistent housing, has a job and has become self sufficient and is able to manage their mental health and whatever other issues on an ongoing basis.

[00:47:56.78] spk_0:
Um Let’s um let’s talk. We’ve we’ve you’ve identified some, but let’s let’s let’s identify some some of these important metrics. Like let’s kinda um I don’t mean summarize because we’re not necessarily finishing, but I’d like to put them all in sort of one place where people can say, well, these are important metrics for me versus you know, versus not so much more vanity or less important. Can we identify some of those?

[00:48:22.96] spk_1:
Yeah, I think, you know, all the metrics around,

[00:48:28.13] spk_0:
how

[00:49:28.86] spk_1:
good are we at, right? The metrics that answer, how good are we at? So for you, whatever question you wanna ask of your budget, right? The budget is like, you know the secret Jeannie, you want to ask it? How good are we at making money? How good are we at serving? You know, people, how you know, how efficient are we at it? So um to kind of summarize to give you the answers. The budgetary answers, where to find those answers really is. How good are we at making money while you can find that answer per program by taking the income and all the expenses out and then seeing the percentage that’s left over. Right? And the dollar amount, right? Having $100,000 left over. Maybe it’s good. Maybe it’s bad. Right? But if we look at percentages, then we can really compare year over year. So we may not know if it’s good just by looking at one year, but if it’s improving year over year, then we can say, oh, improvement is good. We know that that’s good. Right? Um, we can then also

[00:49:30.76] spk_0:
as a percentage of what what we’re spending on the program.

[00:49:34.05] spk_1:
Right? So the percentage

[00:49:35.81] spk_0:
percentage

[00:49:36.34] spk_1:
exactly. So the percentage that you’re spending of the total amount that’s coming

[00:49:40.77] spk_0:
in?

[00:49:41.84] spk_1:
That’s where we look at percentage. How good are we at fundraising? Right. You just look at the total fundraising income, subtract out the fundraising expenses and say what is left over, Right? So we can say how are we improving? Then we’re gonna look at that percentage year over year. We can look at that percentage and compare it to other things in the world that make money.

[00:50:02.68] spk_0:
And

[00:50:02.89] spk_1:
then we can also look at the total dollar amount. And answer the question of are we is our fundraising machine making enough money to cover our expenses?

[00:50:12.66] spk_0:
Right? Making enough

[00:50:13.87] spk_1:
right? Making enough So not how good is it? But is it making enough? That’s where we start to look at the total dollar amounts. Is it enough. Is it enough

[00:50:22.25] spk_0:
subsumed in what you just described is the often cited cost of raising a dollar?

[00:51:43.97] spk_1:
Yes. Yes. Now, you know the nonprofit space likes to use that amount and I think it’s helpful because it’s kind of very tangible, like, oh, you know, what is your cost to raise a dollar? But I like it less for two reasons compared to the percentage method because um, it’s hard to do the reverse math. So if I said like, hey, tony like if my cost to raise a dollar is 75 cents, How much money do I need to put in the money machine? If I want $250,000, Like it’s just not easy math, right? So, um, it starts to get easier if you look at percentages. Also, the for profit world doesn’t really use cost to raise a dollar, they use the percentage return on investment. And so if you want to, because there’s lots of other ways to make money. So if you want to compare how good your way of generating money is to another way of generating money. Like if you really are asking like, do we invest in our fundraising machine or do we invest in the stock market? Right. Um, that may be a real question at some point. And or not for all of your money, but for part of your money and um, you then, you know, need to have apples to apples, right? And so the percentage is that kind of apple that the for profit world uses to talk about, how good are we at making money. Um And so it’s easier to compare. Does that make

[00:52:03.21] spk_0:
sense? Also you gave me long enough to calculate that.

[00:52:05.84] spk_1:
Uh

[00:52:16.29] spk_0:
If it costs 75 cents to raise a dollar and we want $200,000, we would need to put $150,000 recorders. Um Okay. Other other metrics. This is where we are metrics. But

[00:52:20.38] spk_1:
yes, I think

[00:52:21.24] spk_0:
we should know. Yeah.

[00:53:51.20] spk_1:
So um so we covered how good are we at doing this? Is it enough? Right. And then when you get into per program, how much does it cost to make a unit of impact? Right. So one person and I recommend you maybe even kind of when I think about, you know, it’s hard to measure impact at nonprofits. But most recently I kind of like to break it into like levels right? Low level impact help somebody for a few days, medium level impact like made you know, a year long type of change and then high level impact like life changing and you could have multiple levels. And so you might want to kind of break your levels of impact into that. But you know, how much does it cost to make one unit of impact? That’s one metric, You know, and then is that good? Right. Is that, can we do better than that? Um and there that’s where we need to like compare the cost year over year. And we also need to look at um, metrics where we want to think about, are we able to scale this up? Are we able to grow this dramatically? So you mentioned bake sales earlier, bake sales are highly profitable typically. Right? Like people donate all the food, all the labor, you know, as long as your staff, you know, if it’s like a, you know, P. T. O. Type bake sale and you get to keep all the profit right? Cost is almost zero. profit is almost all that money that comes out. That’s your profit That’s the margin.

[00:53:53.00] spk_0:
If everybody’s a volunteer, sure

[00:54:40.50] spk_1:
if everyone’s a volunteer, but if you were to scale up a bake sale to the size of a county fair, not everybody can be a volunteer. You know, I have to have security and ticketing and a special location that can handle all those people all of a sudden our profit the money coming out of the machine comes way way, way, way, way, way down because bake sales are not scalable. You can’t grow it to a large amount. You can’t just say, you know, $1 in, gets me $2 out. Now I’m gonna put in $100,000 and get $200,000. No, no, not if you’re fundraising machine is a bake sale, your fundraising machine will break if you try to put, you know, 200,000 in. So you wanna be mindful as you look at, how good are we at Making money with our money machine you want? And this is the same for delivering an impact you want to be mindful of, would this work if we put 10 times as much in? Right. If we grow it 10 times as big, would it

[00:54:54.41] spk_0:
break or we,

[00:55:29.18] spk_1:
would it work? Right. Would we sink the ship? We break the machine? Would we overwhelm it? Or would it work? And you can ask the same question about your programs, right? You’re able to serve 100 people now? Well, what if 200 people showed up your door? What if 10,000 people showed up at your door? Could you, would you just, you know, 10 times as much or, you know, however many times as much of what you use to serve people? Right? You just scale up your machine, will it still work? Not always. Right. So, you wanna be mindful and you may see as you track your budget that how well something is working is getting worse and you’re like, but we’re doing more and more, why are we getting worse at making money? Let’s say. Um, and that’s because the thing your machine needs some tending to, because your machine is not designed, you know, to go that fast. It’s not designed to work at that level. And so that’s another thing we have to be mindful of,

[00:55:54.02] spk_0:
Okay, anything else that we haven’t talked about that You want folks to know about our, our new fun friend, our our budget,

[00:56:29.75] spk_1:
you know, I think just you know, in summary, right. The the answers of is this good, are we improving? Is it enough? It’s the same kind of calculation over and over again. And that’s why I want you. What I want you to take away is it’s not like we have to do a jillion different kinds of fancy things with our budget. It’s the same type of math and it’s the same type of questions. But those are very, very powerful questions. Is it enough? Is it getting better? Is it the best thing we could do Right? Those are things that your budget can tell you. And we’re basically using the same kind of formula is the same calculations again and again and

[00:56:45.77] spk_0:
again.

[00:56:47.12] spk_1:
So it’s it’s simple. Once you’ve done it a couple of times you’ll start to see, oh I can apply this here and I can apply this there and it becomes relatively easy.

[00:56:59.74] spk_0:
Sarah Olivieri, pivot ground uh company is at pivot ground and at pivot ground dot com you’ll find her template and other resources at pivot ground dot com. When you go to free resources, Sara, thank you very much. Terrific. I have a new fun friend.

[00:57:20.10] spk_1:
The the budget

[00:57:21.44] spk_0:
budget. Well, you’re you’re a long time fun friend?

[00:57:26.27] spk_1:
Yes,

[00:58:04.02] spk_0:
thank you again next week. Corporate funding with Lori’s Osk Roscoe. If you missed any part of this week’s show, I Beseech you find it at tony-martignetti dot com. We’re sponsored by Turn to communications pr and content for nonprofits. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c. O. Our creative producer is Claire Meyerhoff shows social media is by Susan Chavez. Mark Silverman is our web guy and this music is by scott Steiner Brooklyn. Thank you for that. Affirmation Scotty. You’re with me next week for nonprofit radio big non profit ideas for the other 95% go out and be great.

Nonprofit Radio for October 31, 2022: Team Care

 

Susan Comfort: Team Care

Susan Comfort wants you to go beyond self care, which we’ve covered over the last two weeks, to team care. Yes, take care of yourself and your friends, then look after your team. She’s founder of Nonprofit Wellness, and this was part of our coverage of the 2021 Nonprofit Technology Conference. This week’s show is intentionally short, so you can spend more time taking care of self and team.

 

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[00:02:08.01] spk_0:
Hello and welcome to Tony-Martignetti non profit radio big non profit ideas for the other 95%. I’m your aptly named host of your favorite abdominal podcast. Oh, I’m glad you’re with me. I’d come down with Arsene Asus if you poisoned me with the idea that you missed this week’s show, Team Care. Susan comfort wants you to go beyond self care, which we’ve covered over the last two weeks to Team Care. Yes, take care of yourself and your friends then look after your team. She’s founder of nonprofit wellness and this was part of our coverage of the 2021 nonprofit technology conference this week’s show is intentionally short so you can spend more time taking care of self and team Antonis Take two. Endowment Panel Takeaways sounds fascinating. Were sponsored by turn to communications. I just can’t wait for that. Pr and content for nonprofits. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c o I can’t wait for endowment panel takeaways and by fourth dimension technologies I Tion for in a box. The affordable tech solution for nonprofits. tony-dot-M.A.-slash-Pursuant four D just like three D but they go one dimension deeper here is Team Care. Welcome to tony-martignetti non profit radio coverage of 21 N. T. C. You know what it is? It’s the 2021 nonprofit technology conference where we are sponsored by turn to communications Turn hyphen two dot c. O with me now is Susan comfort Founder of nonprofit wellness Susan Welcome back to nonprofit radio Thanks

[00:02:10.57] spk_1:
great to be here

[00:02:11.52] spk_0:
it was roughly a year ago last aPril when 2020 20 N. T. C. Was not in person. And we talked with uh mo abdullah about coronavirus and team care.

[00:02:24.53] spk_1:
Indeed. And here we are a year later and we’re facing the same issues except worse.

[00:02:30.79] spk_0:
Yes because it’s multiplied by because we’ve been in this for over a year.

[00:02:36.05] spk_1:
Exactly.

[00:02:36.99] spk_0:
Okay. And so your topic is very very similar. Team care. Not self care building resiliency in an era of burnout should be resilience should have been resilience. Not resiliency

[00:02:50.69] spk_1:
building resilience building resiliency. I think they both work.

[00:03:08.64] spk_0:
You do all right. I think one works better than the other. All right. I have to I’m not I’m not strictly I’m only a curmudgeon. I’m not a grammarian or uh Entomology. I’m not an entomologist. I’m just curmudgeonly. Got it for some reason. I see. Billion resilience. Alright.

[00:03:12.81] spk_1:
Hey as long as you build it. I don’t care what you call

[00:03:22.79] spk_0:
we’ll get. We’ll be resilient. We’ll be resilient. All right. So uh yeah we need to keep taking care of ourselves and our teams through this and and beyond right Beyond the pandemic. We still gotta be thinking about Team care.

[00:03:27.81] spk_1:
Well let me ask you this. What does self care mean to you? tony

[00:03:31.34] spk_0:
I can give examples. Is that what you is that what you

[00:03:33.58] spk_1:
mean? Like it

[00:04:17.89] spk_0:
means uh not so occasional daytime naps. It means um a glass of wine. Maybe. No not every night but several nights a week. Glass of wine after work. It means ending work at a decent time even know, Well, even before the pandemic, my home has always been in my office has been my home for about 15 years, maybe 20 years. So, uh, but you know, so I don’t have trouble closing the door. So there’s that boundaries around time, in terms, in other words, um, there’s some examples. Walk on the beach. I live across the street from the beach and the ocean. So walks on the beach. Examples. And why do I think it’s important because I can’t, I can’t be good to other people if I’m not good to myself first. And I, I take that to heart. And I think I take good care. I mean I exercise, I eat right? I’m cautious about too much meat and processed foods and things, you know, so there’s a lot, there’s a lot that goes into it for me

[00:05:19.36] spk_1:
and we all have the same human body. And so we’re feeding it, we’re resting it, we’re hydrating it and we’re moving it. Those are physical kind of self care impetus is right that you just gave some great examples of, and we know that we’re in charge of self care, right? There’s nobody else in charge of our body. And we’re told that we’re in charge of self care. Hey, don’t forget to self care, take time for self care. Set your boundaries. Well, guess what in the nonprofit world. And in the education world where we’re increasingly working people aren’t so great at self care naturally on their own remind me of self care, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it or do it well. And

[00:05:20.01] spk_0:
particularly we’re working in our homes, it’s so easy to, to lose the boundaries between work and personal. That’s where you’re not allowed in, you’re not allowed in after six PM or you know, but, but if you’re not accustomed to that, you got thrown into it in an instant, there was no, there was no teachings going on in, in, in february and early March about how to do this. You got, you got slammed with it.

[00:07:25.73] spk_1:
And at first we saw it maybe as a benefit like, hey, no commute. But then we thought, ah, that commute was the one hour a day I had to myself or to listen to the radio or to listen to my book or to detach and create that boundary from work to home. Now. You’ve been working from home for a while, you’ve kind of gotten practice at this, but you’re right. Everyone else is kind of new to it. Not so good at it. And being told in a time of unprecedented stress and pandemic. Hey, don’t forget about self care when you know what, we probably weren’t good at it to begin with. And so that’s why, well that’s one reason why we focus on team care because we’re just not good at self care. And the second reason is especially in a world where we’re serving others were educating others were giving to others in the nonprofit world, we are usually, but it’s also because we’re in this unprecedented time, self care won’t cut it going back to the regular old normal we used to have isn’t gonna work, it wasn’t working then we weren’t caring for ourselves particularly well then. And it’s not getting any better with bad solutions on a new framework. So we have to take this new framework, a pandemic informed world and say, well, how are we going to do things differently next time when we return to the office is what’s going to be different when we return to our teams, how we’re gonna manage differently. How are we going to work from home differently? How are we going to communicate differently? All of these things are opportunities to reset our culture. So we, we coached teams, nonprofit schools, etcetera, how to take that world changing energy and reset your culture. So we’re actually turning our superpowers on each other, taking care of each other, which were really good at doing so that we can take care of ourselves better because having longevity in this career is crucial turnover is a silent epidemic facing the nonprofit and education worlds, some of its measured often it’s not, but if we don’t keep people in these jobs longer term, keep the relationships, keep the commitment, keep the knowledge, then we’re not going to do a very good job at educating Children are changing the world.

[00:07:49.90] spk_0:
All right. You have some resources for for us taking care of ourselves. You have a personal stress prescription and a stressor scorecard.

[00:07:59.84] spk_1:
Yeah,

[00:08:00.29] spk_0:
we can. We first of all, can listeners get these somewhere or is it something you create on your own? You don’t need a template?

[00:09:55.01] spk_1:
Well, both. You don’t need a template. We created it for you to use as a discussion tool or a self care tool, but you don’t need our form what we did and you can download it at non profit wellness dot org slash resources. What we did was put together a list of about two dozen evidence based stress relief solutions. The these are things that have been studied that are proven to both either lower your cortisol, the stress hormone is released when we’re stressed or to reset our bodily systems or to relax. S and there’s good and bad things on the list. Or quote good, quote bad, right? Like friendships you might think of as good, but some friendships are toxic right intoxication you might think of as bad. But actually you have a glass of wine some nights it’s good, you mentioned it as part of yourself care, right? But for some people it might be a challenge. Um I stopped drinking three years ago for me it was more of a challenge than a benefit. And so I cut it out because that was easiest, but everybody has to make their own decisions. Is it a glass of wine? Is it? None at all. Is that? Hey, I need to go out for happy hour more because I’m a little uptight. Like you get to make your decision on the personal stress prescription what works for you and I guarantee there’s stuff on the list. You’re already doing great, celebrate that. Do it more because that’s low barrier to entry if you’re already doing it. And then there’s stuff on that list that maybe you should pick up something new, something different, new world new strategies. And then there’s stuff on that list that you could really be doing with a team doing with somebody else and that’s going to help you actually do it have more fun, go longer. And those are the things that we need in our wellness, right? When we actually do it, when we have fun and when we go longer and harder, right? That’s what having a buddy or having a team and accountability aspect to our care. That’s what it does for us. And the research shows it. So we need team care, not self care. I mean not just self care, we need team care and self care, but we like to be a little bit polemic and say team care, not self care because we want to differentiate ourselves from everybody deciding self care, don’t forget.

[00:10:20.55] spk_0:
Alright. Alright, but we need both. Right, so these are at nonprofit wellness dot org slash resources? I did not. Now I’m bringing out my curmudgeon again that I did not, I didn’t I didn’t uh I didn’t miss that. You snuck in template, It’s template template. How do you get template Maryland? You marylanders born and raised in Maryland. I was in New Jersey weren’t that far away, but it’s template, not

[00:10:38.82] spk_1:
C

[00:10:44.06] spk_0:
U R M U D G E O N. Well, because I hustled you about resiliency being wrong if

[00:11:02.27] spk_1:
I want to talk real ball Marie’s I say would er and I say you can go down the ocean and you can walk on the beach all you want hon but you don’t have to invite me or you can have your own self. You want me to do a Maryland accent the whole time? tony I’ll do it. That

[00:11:03.51] spk_0:
sounds annoying. Um So yeah, I

[00:11:06.56] spk_1:
worked at a crab house five summers. I’ve got the Baltimore accent down pat.

[00:11:10.16] spk_0:
You worked at a crab house.

[00:11:12.14] spk_1:
Indeed a

[00:11:13.25] spk_0:
serving, serving.

[00:11:14.65] spk_1:
Yeah, yeah. Even after I was a vegetarian, I served recently killed esteemed crabs right onto your table. Dismember.

[00:11:22.07] spk_0:
Alright, so as a vegetarian, is it inappropriate for me to ask you what what what type of crab meat you believe is best for crab cakes is the lump is the jumbo lump?

[00:11:32.81] spk_1:
I’m a lacto ovo crab. Oh vegetarian so I’m authorized to speak on this matter. Of course it’s back fin

[00:11:39.37] spk_0:
back. You

[00:11:43.66] spk_1:
can put anything in the crab cake. But you want jumbo lump and very few breadcrumbs.

[00:11:45.52] spk_0:
Wait wait, wait, wait. You’re saying it’s back then and jumbo lump.

[00:11:49.37] spk_1:
Well, they’re the same thing. Jumbo lump is just the bigger chunks of back fin.

[00:11:57.51] spk_0:
Right, well, right, the lump or jumbo lump, you get a mixture back then and some lumps usually in the top of the container in the bottom of the container.

[00:12:02.47] spk_1:
If you say so, I pick my own crabs. tony If you say that’s what you get. That’s what you get. Just get the best crab meat you can buy in the biggest chunks you can. And if you’re like me, you can pick your own make your own crab suit, make your own crab cakes. Just not too much bread. Okay, it ruins the crab cake.

[00:12:26.03] spk_0:
Right? Not too much. I agree. I just made a batch with very low gluten free plank. Oh, but it was £2 of crab meat. And I think A third, maybe I guess it was 2/3 of a cup. I think of

[00:12:30.07] spk_1:
if we’re gonna be It’s Panko not plank. Oh, tony

[00:12:34.46] spk_0:
Did I say plank. Oh did I say plank.

[00:12:37.17] spk_1:
Oh, I’m

[00:12:38.66] spk_0:
gonna play this back. No, Did I say plank. Oh that’s embarrassing. I know it’s Panko.

[00:12:42.98] spk_1:
It sounded like it. You can edit that part out.

[00:13:00.00] spk_0:
Alright, I’m not gonna edit it. No, no. I called you out twice template, I’m not gonna not gonna cheat and edit out. But that’s embarrassing. I know it’s Panko. Of course, it’s Panko. Thank you for correcting me. Alright. It’s very important to know what kind of crab meat is best. All

[00:13:02.31] spk_1:
right.

[00:13:04.65] spk_0:
So, All right. So, we take so we get these resources or we just develop our own

[00:13:09.97] spk_1:
personal

[00:13:11.17] spk_0:
prescription and stressor. And a scorecard. Scorecard works with the prescription. Is that how they work together?

[00:14:11.59] spk_1:
Now? The scorecards under revision. So by the time your listeners here this, there might be a new one. We took the stressor. Scorecard which was based on the ace score card stands for adverse childhood experiences. And it’s actually a measure of childhood trauma. It’s quite triggering. But we took the a scorecard and we said, well, what’s the measurement of adult stress? There wasn’t one. So, we made one and we kept revising it and we’ve undergone another revision. Or instead of just ranking your stressors. And these are societal stressors, not work stressors. So, it might be identity related to who you are in society. It might be a circumstance related to what you’re facing right now in your life. So, a circumstance could be like a divorce or a food allergy that causes you stress an identity might be your gender, your race or your sexual orientation. That may or may not given where you are in society. May or may not cause you stress. So, if you know the score when you walk in the door, if you know your stress score from sin Society, then technically we should know who gets the most wellness resources. That would be wellness equity. If we knew who got the most stressed, then they would get the most wellness resources. But the way it is now is we give the corporate wellness resources because it’s a $7 billion dollar industry in the corporate workplace.

[00:14:29.40] spk_0:
But the

[00:14:48.96] spk_1:
nonprofit world and the education world don’t really get sort of wellness benefits or like extra help. Yet I would say that we are probably among the most stressed in society. Not only do we face a lot of stressors because of who we are and what we face in our lower incomes, but also we have really stressful jobs that are, that depend on us to literally change the world or change people’s minds and that is not the same as a bank job. Sorry. It’s just not. So we have more stress and we should get more resources than we do.

[00:16:16.89] spk_0:
We should get more resources than we do right? We, we definitely should. Yes. And at least as much as if you’re gonna write, if you’re gonna do it equitably at least as much as you see in the, in the corporate side, it’s time for a break turn to communications, the relationships, the media relationships that you want to have so that you can be heard when you need to be heard when the news merits attention on your work, your opinion of what’s happened. You need the relationships turn to can help you build them. They are themselves former journalists. So they have built relationships on the journalist’s side so they know how to do it and they know what not to do so that you don’t defeat your attempt at creating these these donor relationships. These media relationships right turn to can help you build up the relationships. So when you need to be heard you can be turn to communications. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c o Now back to team care. Work

[00:17:12.30] spk_1:
hard. I didn’t go into those which is under revision is the strength the growth and the joy that we achieve from these identities and circumstances. So we actually put two scores on the new one where you can rank your stress but you can also rank your growth and joy. So for example, I’m a woman and I identify as queer being a woman and a white woman at that in society has not caused me a lot of stress but I would say some maybe a low amount of stress being queer in society has not caused me very much stress. But when I look at both of those and I think of how much growth enjoy being a woman has brought me and how much growth enjoy being bisexual has brought me as a part of the queer community that’s off the charts. I I rank much higher my growth and joy than I do my stress. And so in that way I go, hey, what a bonus that I have had this stress in my life. What an opportunity for growth and joy that this stressful thing brought me. And that puts it in a whole new frame for me I think, yeah, I face a lot of stress in my job and in my life. But look at how much I’ve grown and how much joy I get out of life. And so that’s our stressor, Scorecard revision. It’s now called the stressor and resilience scorecard because again, building resilience or resiliency is super important in a time of constant change and stress,

[00:17:47.69] spk_0:
Thank you for saying resilience first and then or or resiliency as the second alternative. Alright, so how do we then bring, I’m relentless If nothing else, I don’t let go. So how do we bring this now to a team level because it’s his team care and not self care. I’ve been wagging my finger, listeners can’t see, but I’m telling you, I’m wagging my finger. We’re distinguishing ourselves from all the all the nannies who say take care of yourself, how we convey this now to team care.

[00:18:31.65] spk_1:
Well, I’m glad your listeners can’t see us because there’s nothing better than nonprofit types wagging their fingers at other people telling them what they should do, right? Um it’s tony It’s really simple. All we have to do is talk about it. So bring a brown has many best selling books about vulnerability and shame and courage and she opines I mean the research show shows that when you are vulnerable, you inspire empathy and it’s really the height of courageousness to be vulnerable, it’s not opposites, they’re two sides of the same.

[00:18:39.93] spk_0:
Absolutely,

[00:20:15.22] spk_1:
yeah. And so if you tony are a vulnerable leader and you’re courageous enough to say, hey, I’ve been struggling with my physical health in this way. So I’m going to take walks on the beach every morning and I’m going to have a glass of wine every night because that’s my plan for self care and I want you all to support me in that by not scheduling meetings during my walk time and not making fun of my wine selection or whatever it is, right? But by talking about it, people go, oh, tony is being vulnerable with me. That means I can be a little vulnerable with him and say, well, tony I’m struggling with some things in my physical health and I would like your support on this. Whatever it is, it doesn’t mean somebody has to go on the beach with you. It just means that they have to support and know that that’s something that you need for your mental or physical health. And when we talk about ourselves, we, we become a little vulnerable, but we keep ourselves safe usually. And then other people have empathy for us because we made ourselves vulnerable and that builds trust and trust is the elusive element that so many teams are missing. And so if wellness can be kind of a shortcut to that great, But it just means we have to talk about it. That’s why we create discussion tools. We want you to be able to talk about this with your team openly vulnerably and honestly, but also like have, you know, have something to get out of it. Maybe you all could support a new direction with your team care based on your discussions. Maybe instead of, you know, pastries in the kitchen, you’re gonna have nuts in the kitchen because it’s healthy or maybe you’re gonna go for group walks or, you know, measure your steps together. Those are all physical things. But where we really get into the interesting stuff is when we talk about mental health things, which is a little less accepted at work. But that’s the most important thing of of what we’re doing

[00:20:33.61] spk_0:
okay before we get to mental health? Let’s let’s keep a little simpler. A little safer. How do we just Open these conversations just like are we are we having a meeting for this purpose or is this 10 minutes? Uh, at the beginning of a one hour meeting all

[00:22:18.09] spk_1:
of the above. So, you know, if you have a meeting about it, then that sounds like a wellness committee and that would be great because a wellness committee could definitely, you know, be a diverse group of voices that pushes the agenda forward rather than like one yoga nut in the office, which is who I used to be, right. But if you don’t have time for a wellness committee or you’re not ready for a wellness committee yet. No problem. Just at the beginning of every meeting, maybe you ask a checking question that has to do with health. So like what did you do already today to support your mental or physical health? That’s a quick check in question. And people will think about, what did I do today? What does walking my dog count? Maybe walking my dog counts as physical and mental health. Yeah. Walking my dog. I’m gonna walk my dog more because that’s really good for health, right? It makes them think about things in a different way and it makes them share. Maybe people didn’t know you had a dog. Maybe somebody would like to go for a dog walk with you. Maybe somebody, you know, would like to bring their dog into the office and they know that since you have a dog, you’re going to be more open. And I mean there’s many directions these conversations can go, but you just have to open it up. So it’s usually like a checking question or maybe a lunch and learn or a brown bag lunch where everybody could talk about these things, but I would say set and set a topic. Um maybe it’s nutrition. Maybe it’s some specific aspect of nutrition. Maybe it’s movement. You know, these are things that are safe and yet they affect our mental health. So if we start talking about physical things that affect our physical health, then we’re going to start to get into, well, you know what, when I take, when I exercise, I feel happier. Well, that’s mental health. And so you’re gonna start talking about mental health, even though you’re talking about how you’re feeding, moving and resting your body, which is physical.

[00:22:29.57] spk_0:
Mm Okay, by the way, if you were the yoga nut, then I guess you would have been pushing up against me the curmudgeon if we would have been in the same workplace.

[00:22:39.23] spk_1:
But

[00:23:13.65] spk_0:
I’m not, you know, this is a recent, a recent um, revelation for me that I’m a little curmudgeonly. I see it in my neighborhood. Like, you know, my, my neighbor across the street has has a big piece of construction waste in a role that that, that the garbage people are not gonna pick up because it’s been there for over a week. You have to put your garbage in a can. It’s gotta be, it’s gotta be an authorized can with wheels and it’s got to face the right way, but they’re not gonna pick up this guy’s big tarp, but he leaves it out there, you know, that that bothers me looking at it right now. It’s annoying. It

[00:23:15.46] spk_1:
sounds like it causes stress. Well

[00:23:17.71] spk_0:
it shouldn’t be there. It’s not part of it is the injustice of it because he knows it’s not gonna get picked up. It’s been there over a week and we have garbage pickups every monday and friday. So it’s not going if it didn’t go the first day, it’s not going the next or the next after after that. So it’s the injustice of it. I I follow the rules he should do.

[00:23:36.19] spk_1:
I think neighborhood,

[00:23:54.70] spk_0:
neighborhood beautification, you know, put that tarp out there on a big role, may be the next neighbor will put a little load of concrete after he after he takes his grill out of the concrete slab that has been in and he leaves a little two ft chunk pile of broken concrete there

[00:23:56.26] spk_1:
goes the neighborhood

[00:23:57.32] spk_0:
liberties and then the next and the next next thing I have to sell my home

[00:24:13.58] spk_1:
that would be terrible. Hey, get a big piece of chalk and create some sort of art out of that rolled up tarp. Maybe it’s a caterpillar, maybe you write a note on the street in chalk like I don’t know, I can’t think of a

[00:24:16.68] spk_0:
that

[00:24:17.43] spk_1:
that would be curmudgeonly. You

[00:24:18.68] spk_0:
want that kind of

[00:24:25.57] spk_1:
hilarious. You used to be a comedian. Be hilarious. tony something funny, make them laugh, you

[00:24:57.43] spk_0:
know what I was laughing about recently. I learned. David Sedaris has a home in my town and a lot of people in town have pretentious names on their homes. Like when I moved here it was seven seas. I had that the first thing I had a contractor to rip that stupid seven seat. First of all, it’s the atlantic ocean, it’s not a C. So it’s misnamed and second of all these names are pretentious David Sedaris has his house name is C Section. How good is that? How brilliant is that? Go right to the heart of the pretense. And I, so if I had thought of C section, I would have had a contract and make those letters but he took that one. But yeah, you’re right. I could put something in chalk. I have chalk too because I have uh

[00:25:14.12] spk_1:
Laughter out loud is one of our top 12 immune boosters. We

[00:25:19.16] spk_0:
just

[00:25:38.70] spk_1:
topic because laughter laughing out loud actually is one of the 12 immune boosters that are masters of public health interns research to find the cheap easy, Absolutely. Scientific based immune boosters and laughing out loud is at the top of the list. So you will boost your immune system and everybody on the street if you can figure out something funny to do with that rolled up tarp, I will follow up with you tony to figure out what it

[00:25:47.00] spk_0:
was. Okay, the caterpillar is a good idea. I’ll keep, I could make it a big turd but that’s kind of

[00:25:54.04] spk_1:
yeah,

[00:25:55.24] spk_0:
you know like

[00:25:56.21] spk_1:
dinosaur turd, you know like make up north Carolina dinosaur breed and say like this is the ancient, you know,

[00:26:03.79] spk_0:
it’s a fossilized brontosaurus turd.

[00:26:06.87] spk_1:
Exactly.

[00:26:08.24] spk_0:
You’re

[00:26:09.41] spk_1:
getting there. You’re getting there.

[00:26:10.45] spk_0:
I’m amusing myself not. You know, I’m sorry. But that’s the wellness. Alright.

[00:26:15.17] spk_1:
Just did it did it for yourself. Right then. It makes you laugh rather than making you stressed out.

[00:26:20.09] spk_0:
Okay. But I’d like something for the community to be able to chuckle at two.

[00:26:23.98] spk_1:
So

[00:26:24.43] spk_0:
All right, this is not

[00:26:27.35] spk_1:
or anything but your tony-martignetti and that’s not

[00:26:48.79] spk_0:
right. Okay. I write I know my place. I know my place. All right. So this has turned into an individual mental health exercise which is not supposed to be so But this curmudgeon thing is just evolving in my mind about how I’m you know, traditions, there’s importance around laws and tradition and you know, so human. I might have clashed. Uh But I wasn’t curmudgeonly when we would have been in the same workplace. This is only within the past few weeks. I’ve come to this revelation

[00:26:57.95] spk_1:
blame it on the pandemic. That’s what we’re all doing

[00:27:01.28] spk_0:
many

[00:27:02.07] spk_1:
bad personality traits on your lifetime

[00:27:05.77] spk_0:
practice. It’s a lifetime practice, right? It is

[00:27:09.41] spk_1:
absolutely.

[00:29:41.20] spk_0:
So, you know in this phase I have curmudgeonly maybe in six months or six years. I’ll be out of it. It’s time for a break. Fourth dimension technologies. I. T. Infra in a box. It’s the I. T. Buffet. You go through the line. you take what looks appealing to you what fits within your budget, what fits within where you are technology wise like help desk security assessment, planned planning and budgeting, moving to the cloud and there is more on the buffet line. You choose what works for your nonprofit, leave the rest behind. You needn’t buy it, you needn’t pay for it. That’s for D’s I. T. Infra in a box. Fourth dimension technologies tony-dot-M.A.-slash-Pursuant as you know It’s time for Tony to take two. The long awaited endowment panel takeaways. Yes I was part of an endowment panel about a month ago or so graciously hosted by an ex unite uh part of nexus marketing. And this panel was called endowment excitement, fundraising and management. I was the fundraising part. And the other three folks were the management part. Either the fundraising part is very shallow because only 1 to 3 ratio or it takes three of them to equal the uh prowess of the fundraising Panelist. Well I’ll leave that to you for you to decide. And the way you can decide is to read the takeaways that I have on the blog. The panel takeaways you will find at plant giving accelerator dot com plan Giving accelerator dot com And you click blog and the takeaways are right there That is Tony’s take two. We’ve got just about a butt load more time for team care with Susan comfort because this week’s show is shorter so that you can do the care that Susan is talking about, you have some skills like you your your workshop identified but you have some like skills we can practice. Yes, you’re stressed for our teams and ourselves. Yes,

[00:29:51.99] spk_1:
I think this is a really good one. This is a really good one. Okay, so what I want you to do is look out the window and anyone listening, just look out the window right now, Tony is going to be looking at a giant tyrannosaurus turd across the

[00:30:01.49] spk_0:
alright.

[00:30:02.98] spk_1:
And uh you want to name five things you see out the window besides the brontosaurus turd, tony go

[00:30:17.91] spk_0:
the ocean, the walkway, the the little wooden walkway to the ocean. My neighbor’s homes who I don’t know too well I’m a little curmudgeonly and there’s my, my front yard landscaping which I’m very proud of.

[00:30:26.27] spk_1:
Excellent. What’s one of the parts of the landscaping? That’s number five.

[00:30:31.73] spk_0:
Oh the mexican petunias, They’re just starting to bloom

[00:30:34.90] spk_1:
awesome.

[00:30:35.70] spk_0:
Well grow, they’re not blooming yet but they’re growing out of the ground green.

[00:31:08.58] spk_1:
You can see that their roots have taken hold. So that’s, that’s part of a mindfulness exercise where you name five things, you can see four things you can touch three things you can hear two things you can smell and one thing you can taste and it’s a, it’s an anxiety arresting exercise where if you’re feeling anxious, you’re worried about stuff you’re thinking into the future. You’re worried about the past. You come back to the present moment and how do you do that? Five things you see four things you can touch name them. Touch them. See them, say it out loud. That will bring you back to the present moment forces you because you’re engaging all five of your senses.

[00:31:21.19] spk_0:
Yeah.

[00:32:15.28] spk_1:
And that’s the best thing we can do for our mental health is be mindful. The second best thing is to move our bodies because moving our bodies trains our brain and so being mindful, being more mindful, being better mindful. These are all things we can do are things we can all do, being more movement, having better movement. Being movement oriented. These are things we can all do no matter how much we move, no matter how much we’re meditating or mindful. But mindfulness is just being aware of the present moment, but it takes us out of that worrying cycle, it takes us out of that rumination, prefrontal cortex and actually forces us to be in the present moment, which is a huge skill. I practice it every day for seconds per day. I’m I’m aspiring to get up two minutes. You know, just being mindful, Being present. That is a huge skill that I have been practicing a ton and that is a relief that I don’t have to become a meditator. I can just be a mindful person. What a relief. I don’t have to sit and meditate. I can just be mindful.

[00:32:24.14] spk_0:
Would you count down the five again please. Five things. You can

[00:32:27.19] spk_1:
see more things.

[00:32:30.60] spk_0:
You can touch, three

[00:32:35.80] spk_1:
things you can hear. Two things you can smell and one thing you can taste.

[00:32:40.65] spk_0:
Okay,

[00:32:42.18] spk_1:
so

[00:32:42.58] spk_0:
you

[00:32:44.90] spk_1:
just start in the moment like, oh I have a, you know old coffee taste in my

[00:32:50.77] spk_0:
mouth. It’s

[00:32:51.76] spk_1:
just that moment. That’s what I’m experiencing in this moment right now, you know?

[00:32:56.86] spk_0:
Yeah.

[00:33:12.79] spk_1:
So the skill that I would ask everyone to practice is just being present, just taking a present mindful breath several times a day. We take 20,000 breaths in a day. So try and make like three of the mindful ones, maybe 10. You know those are skills we can always practice and always improve and they’re actually good for your brain. It’s not just like woo, yoga teacher stuff.

[00:33:21.51] spk_0:
I like being mindful around food that I’m actually tasting it. I’m enjoying the texture smell. I like to I can smell the food before I taste it so that I get an extra sense of taste because the the aromas wafting over my palate.

[00:33:39.45] spk_1:
Yeah, like food. Like I’m going to have some sort of chickpea thing for dinner and I’m anticipating those chickpeas, you can cook the food mindfully and like be in the moment while you’re cooking and appreciating those textures before they get soft in the oven or you know, just all of the moments of food. It’s not just smelling it and eating it. It’s the anticipation, the preparation, the cleaning up the discussion about it, the laughs that you had over the meal. Like if you could be present for all of that, amazing.

[00:34:10.57] spk_0:
If we spend a little more time, I’ll give you your own your own show on non profit radio you don’t have to be. We’ve already been like a half an hour because I went on a diatribe about homogeneous and third and we turned it into a personal thing for me. Well, I’m the center of the universe. So I think that’s appropriate. We

[00:34:27.41] spk_1:
all are the center of the universe. In fact, we all are of our own little universe. Amazing.

[00:34:34.31] spk_0:
Oh, so that’s not so that’s not.

[00:34:38.97] spk_1:
But that’s why people love talking about themselves because they’re the center of the universe. And if you ask me a question of myself about myself. Well, thank God, somebody noticed that I’m the center of the universe. I would love to tell you about my food or my exercise or when I am most present. Yes, I would like to tell you about that because I love talking about myself. We all love talking about ourselves in some way.

[00:34:59.04] spk_0:
We do some, some of us more than others,

[00:35:01.26] spk_1:
some more than others. You know, you could just go on clubhouse and do your show their tony Have you thought about that,

[00:35:06.57] spk_0:
know what is clubhouse?

[00:35:08.70] spk_1:
Well, that’s a that’s a topic for another day. It’s an infant only iphone only app that is sort of taking over the social media world.

[00:35:30.37] spk_0:
We live obviously dated myself. I’m 59, so I’m not hiding. So I’m not familiar with clubhouse. Um, let’s see. Well, Alright, where can we spend a little more time? Susan comfort. Um, I don’t know. You tell me you’re the, you’re the person who thinks about this all the time. I only,

[00:35:35.50] spk_1:
I think everybody should stop listening and go outside and take a walk there listening while at

[00:35:41.30] spk_0:
the end of it. Don’t stop now. Keep listening until the end.

[00:35:44.53] spk_1:
No, you should stop. Stop now. There’s nothing of value coming later. Stop now. Turn it off. They won’t really tell me

[00:35:51.26] spk_0:
you’re killing my show. They’re not going to

[00:35:53.46] spk_1:
turn it off. They’re addicted to you.

[00:35:56.81] spk_0:
I

[00:35:57.00] spk_1:
can’t wait to see what curmudgeonly thing you’re gonna say next.

[00:36:01.61] spk_0:
Alright, so what do you want people to do? Stop,

[00:36:13.42] spk_1:
I want, I want to stop the interview. I want people to go actually take care of themselves, but in a team because that’s what I’m talking about? Team care, not health care. No, we usually end our trainings 10 minutes before the hour because we don’t want people to be back to back to back with meetings all day because then guess what? You don’t have any time to take care of yourself? So if anybody ever asks me if they like, do I have any other questions or what else should we do? I say we should stop doing this thing and go take care of ourselves. Go outside and take a walk on the beach. tony

[00:36:35.98] spk_0:
Okay, I’m gonna end the show which you so put together with the little sponsor message I have to put in and my tony take two and a blah blah blah. This is gonna be about a 36 or 37 minute show and usually they’re more like 45

[00:36:52.88] spk_1:
40

[00:36:55.62] spk_0:
five. I’m cutting myself short. No, they’re more like 50 to 50 to 60 minutes is 5050 50

[00:37:00.94] spk_1:
I have to say I can talk about this stuff for hours.

[00:37:04.31] spk_0:
No, no, no, we’re taking your advice now.

[00:37:15.97] spk_1:
No, I’m just saying have me back people can go listen to me on youtube, whatever, but you don’t need me. People need to go take care of themselves tony you’re keeping them from it. You

[00:37:17.91] spk_0:
were just teasing You were just teasing saying I can talk about this forever. I’m saying no,

[00:37:22.30] spk_1:
he said shut

[00:37:22.83] spk_0:
it off. So we’re shutting it off. Alright, we’re building this show around your advice. Alright, great. Susan comfort. Your pronouns, what are your pronouns

[00:37:33.64] spk_1:
she her and

[00:37:46.22] spk_0:
next time. Okay, I understood some of that. Susan comfort founder. non profit wellness, you can get the resources that you talked about the personal stress prescription and the new updated stressor and something else? Scorecard,

[00:37:57.54] spk_1:
resilience,

[00:38:00.66] spk_0:
stressor and resilience not resiliency score card at nonprofit wellness dot org slash resources. All right, Susan, thank you very

[00:38:08.42] spk_1:
much. Hope to talk to you soon again on the beach.

[00:39:13.61] spk_0:
I’m sure you will. I’m sure you will. Thank you. And thanks to each of you for listening to nonprofit radio coverage of 21 NTC, the 2021 nonprofit technology conference next week. It will not be a replay of the fermentation show. I give you my word if you missed any part of this week’s show, I beseech you find it at tony-martignetti dot com Were sponsored by turn to communications. Pr and content for nonprofits. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c. O. And by fourth dimension technologies i. Tion for in a box. The affordable tech solution for nonprofits. tony-dot-M.A.-slash-Pursuant four D. Just like three D. But you know, they go one dimension deeper. Our creative producer is claire Meyerhoff shows social media is by Susan Chavez. Marc Silverman is our web guy and his music is by scott stein. Thank you for that. Affirmation Scotty B with me next week for nonprofit radio big nonprofit ideas for the other 95% go out and be great

Nonprofit Radio for October 24, 2022: Make Friends

 

Dr. Marisa G. FrancoMake Friends

Dr. Marisa G. Franco helps you start and grow friendships, so you can enjoy rich, valuable, fun friendships now and throughout your life. She’s a psychologist, professor and author of the book, “Platonic,” a New York Times bestseller.

 

 

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Every nonprofit struggles with these issues. Big nonprofits hire experts. The other 95% listen to Tony Martignetti Nonprofit Radio. Trusted experts and leading thinkers join me each week to tackle the tough issues. If you have big dreams but a small budget, you have a home at Tony Martignetti Nonprofit Radio.
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[00:01:56.93] spk_0:
Hello and welcome to Tony-Martignetti non profit radio big non profit ideas for the other 95%. I’m your aptly named host of your favorite abdominal podcast. Oh I’m glad you’re with me. I’d get slapped with a diagnosis of de extroversion if I saw that you missed this week’s show make friends. Dr marisa G franco helps you start and grow friendships so you can enjoy rich, valuable fun friendships now and throughout your life she’s a psychologist professor and author of the book. Platonic a new york times bestseller tony steak to planned giving accelerator. We’re sponsored by turn to communications pr and content for nonprofits. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot C. O. And by fourth dimension technologies I. T. Infra in a box. The affordable tech solution for nonprofits. tony-dot-M.A.-slash-Pursuant four D. Just like three D. But they go one dimension deeper. It’s a genuine pleasure to welcome my guest an enlightening psychologist, international speaker and new york times best selling author. Dr marisa G franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She’s a professor at the University of Maryland and authored the new york times bestseller platonic how the science of attachment can help you make and keep friends. She writes about friendship for psychology today and has been a featured connection expert from major publications like the new york times, the telegraph and vice. She speaks on belonging at corporations, government agencies, nonprofits and universities today. She belongs on nonprofit radio she’s on instagram at d r marissa g franco and at D. R. Marissa G franco dot com. Welcome Marissa,

[00:02:27.00] spk_1:
thank you so much for having me. tony I love your energy.

[00:02:30.36] spk_0:
Thank you very much. It’s a pleasure to have you. You get me excited to talk about friendship and you’re coming off. You just told me before we got started. You’re coming off a ted talk?

[00:02:42.03] spk_1:
Yes. Ted talk

[00:02:44.55] spk_0:
That is wonderful. Congratulations. Thank

[00:02:47.13] spk_1:
you so much.

[00:02:59.64] spk_0:
Pleasure. Look forward to seeing it. Friendship, Marissa unfortunately declining in the United States. What’s happening?

[00:03:48.48] spk_1:
Wow, that’s a great question. You know, it’s, it’s been declining since like the 1950s unfortunately. And um, there’s this really good book bowling alone and he analyzes all the factors that kind of started this decline in what he calls civic engagement, like engagement in our communities. He says it started with the television basically that before then leisure was something you did publicly, you did it with other people right? But with the creation of the television, you spent leisure at home and not only that watching tv triggers lethargy. So even if you want to get out and call someone, you’re like less likely to do it right. And then I think as we’ve continued technology like 2012 loneliness really began to spike. What happened in 2012 was the rise of the smartphone And it’s not that we can’t use technology to connect with people. We absolutely can. It’s just that the way that technology is now developed. It’s developed in a way to keep us kind of scrolling on our phones not engaging with other people, right in ways that continue to foster loneliness. So I think there’s also analysis that found that like in 35 out of 37 countries, kids in school were significantly more lonely than they were a decade ago.

[00:04:43.78] spk_0:
Mm So these uh, these technologies tv was tv was wonderful. Um, I think the belief was that I was gonna kill movie theaters, which obviously didn’t happen. Uh, Netflix was supposed to do that too and it didn’t um, blockbuster before netflix was supposed to. But so the technologies, um, you know, in some respect, especially the phone and social, the social networks, uh, that’s a lot of the promise was that it would bring us together and I know you’re saying it can, but we need to be intentional about our technology use

[00:04:55.72] spk_1:
exactly what I’m saying.

[00:04:58.12] spk_0:
Okay. And we’ll get a chance to talk, we’ll talk more about, uh, we have the whole hour together so we don’t pack it all into the first five minutes. Um, well let’s a little motivation for folks that might not recognize what what the value is of having rich fun friendships.

[00:05:50.23] spk_1:
Yeah, So we absolutely don’t recognize the value. Um, in fact there was a study that found that when people predicted how they’d feel, talking to a stranger, they, they thought they’d feel a lot more, a lot better just like being on their own and not talking to anyone that was their prediction, but the study actually found that people after they had talked to a stranger increased their amount of positive feelings and joy and more so they felt better than those who were just kind of sitting alone. And so we underestimate just how much connection will bring to our lives. But The researcher, the research finds that for example, loneliness is akin to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and its impact on our bodies.

[00:05:59.76] spk_0:
That, yep,

[00:06:01.66] spk_1:
yep, it’s that bad.

[00:06:03.58] spk_0:
15, 15.

[00:06:28.89] spk_1:
Yeah, it has a greater impact on our on how long we live in our diet or how much we exercise, so it really destroys us. Um loneliness, it’s it’s a chronic stress experience because when you’re lonely you think other people are rejecting you and you’re looking out for all these signs that people are rejecting you and your body is basically undergoing chronic stress when we’re lonely. Um so it’s really bad for us. And you know, friendship connection really helps. Like just like we need water, just like we need food to function. Well, we absolutely need connection.

[00:06:42.69] spk_0:
What do these connections do for us physiologically? That that bring down our, it sounds like raging cortisol and adrenaline if you’re if you’re lonely.

[00:07:43.62] spk_1:
Yeah, so when we are connected we release a hormone called oxytocin and oxytocin is considered a hormone that does double duty, it’s also looked at as the fountain of youth in addition to like the hormone of connection. So it both keeps you young and it keeps you connected because not only when we feel connected we release this hormone but also that you know, oxytocin actually makes us more friendly people that have higher rates of oxytocin, they’re more trusting of others more generous towards others. So it’s funny. It’s just sort of like, oh, the hardest time to make friends is when you’re lonely because of how it affects your brain and how you think about things. The easiest time to make friends is when you’re connected because it makes you friendlier and warmer and more open towards others. So kind of like our brains like sabotaging us a little bit right? Like when we really need the connection the most our brain is like actually we’re going to see everyone is very scary and weary right now and sources of threat.

[00:08:03.10] spk_0:
Okay, but we can we can overcome this. Uh and I think this is where the science of attachment comes in. So can you guess this is this is your work around the science of attachment.

[00:09:44.60] spk_1:
So as I was writing my book, I found something in the research that basically our personalities are fundamentally a reflection of our experiences of connection or lack thereof. Whether we are warm, friendly, trusting, cynical aggressive, right? These are all predicted by how you’ve connected in the past, but not only that those people that have those healthier connections. They develop an internal set of beliefs that fosters continued healthy connection. Right? So it’s like the rich get richer is kind of what we’re saying here. Um these people are what’s called securely attached. They had healthy relationships which makes them go into new relationships, assuming people like them, assuming people are their side assuming they can trust people, assuming they can be vulnerable to people, assuming people will be there when they need right? All of these assumptions really help them create connection. Whereas those people that have had difficult connections in the past, they tend to be insecurely attached. They can either be anxious, which means they go into relationships very scared that people are going to abandon them, which makes them see see rejection when it’s not there, get closed off and shut down or very angry at other people which then makes them um reject people, right? They don’t even realize that when we get really afraid of rejection, we reject people or they can be avoided only attached, which means because people have broken their trust in the past, they go into relationships with no effort, they kind of just withdraw. They’re not really trying at all. They’re very afraid of intimacy, right? And these set of beliefs that insecurely attached people will hold onto that people are going to betray me betray my trust or people are going to abandon me. They tend to become self fulfilling prophecies. They tend to become confirmation bias is where we all look out for signs that those things are true and ignore all the signs. To the contrary.

[00:11:31.17] spk_0:
It’s time for a break. Turn to communications. Their newsletter this week. Their newsletter is on message hits the importance of gathering different perspectives as you are preparing your communications. They proposed a water bottle image for a national advertising campaign for their community foundation clients nationwide. And that water bottle image didn’t feel too good to the folks in flint michigan and Jackson Mississippi turned to hadn’t thought of those, you know, those possibilities, those opinions until they did testing on their proposed images. Now of course they will develop something new. You can get their insightful newsletter on message at turn hyphen too dot C. O. Turn to communications. Your story is their mission now back to make friends. Marissa, do these have implications? It’s sounds like for for uh Children who grow up in not necessarily single parent homes, but because because single parent homes can be nurturing, but but grow up in homes where there’s uh I don’t know, I don’t know how to characterize, but like early divorce, a lot of abandonment do do kids. Kids must carry this then to their with them through the rest of their lives without some kind of intervention.

[00:12:54.10] spk_1:
Yeah. So absolutely. You know, going through a divorce as a predictor of insecure attachment. And we see that these anxiously attached people, the parents aren’t mean, but they’re just not prioritizing their kids. They’re like prioritizing themselves more. And so the kid feels like I need to like fight to earn your love. Right? Then that’s the sense that they go into in all relationships. Like I’m not inherently worthy. And if I’m not trying to prove myself all the time, people are going to leave me and then the avoidant lea attached people. And again, there’s a genetic component because some people may be like, my kid came out anxious. Um, but yeah, there’s also a genetic component that sort of intersects with the environment here. But um, and then people that are avoiding li attached, they kind of grew up with emotional neglect, like their parents fed them their parents gave them shelter but did not respond to their emotions and told them don’t cry, handle that on your own. People it on that, you know, put your emotions away, suppress your emotions, right? That’s the message that they got. And that’s why they feel like if I’m ever vulnerable people are gonna harm me or minimize me or I can’t like quite trust People with that level of vulnerability. And it’s shocking. There’s a study that basically found that our attachment as infants predicts how many inflammation related illnesses that we have like diabetes heart issues at age 32 and anxiously attached people I think were seven times more likely to have the inflammation-related issues. And avoiding the attached three times more likely than secure people.

[00:13:19.63] spk_0:
Holy cow from infancy,

[00:13:22.90] spk_1:
infancy. Yeah.

[00:13:34.21] spk_0:
Okay. Um, and and the first set of folks that you you you described, you know, if they’re they’re constantly reaching out and trying to be friends. I mean that’s gonna that’s gonna put people off, isn’t it? If you’re if you’re trying so hard, doesn’t that become apparent and a put off?

[00:13:49.33] spk_1:
Yeah, I would say it’s not the trying, it’s the pressure, like anxiously attached people.

[00:13:56.02] spk_0:
Yeah,

[00:14:51.26] spk_1:
exactly. Like if someone pulls away from them, they double down there like you’re trying to take your space. I need to get you to like me, like they tend to try to create friendships with people that aren’t interested in them because again, that’s what they learned about love. Like you have to demand it and when it’s freely earned, you can’t quite trust it. Right? So the so I think I describe anxiously attached people when it comes to friendship as high effort, low reward. They put a lot of effort into creating their friendships they do initiate with other people, they try to maintain their friendships. But their fundamental problem is they are they feel so rejected and abandoned that they tend to see that when it’s not there and they tend to reject people back. You know, try to get revenge on people. They tend to not be good at letting people have their own lives and their own needs because it’s like you need to do all these things to show me that I’m worthy. So when you need space, right? When you need a little bit of distance, when you’re not able to hang out this one time, right? That’s triggering my worthiness ruin. Instead of me being able to see that you’re a separate person with your own needs and you’re not necessarily rejecting me. So that is, that’s their big struggle when it comes to

[00:15:08.92] spk_0:
friendship. Those are the anxiously attached,

[00:15:11.27] spk_1:
Those are the anxiously,

[00:15:12.35] spk_0:
anxiously attached and avoidant lee connected.

[00:15:24.33] spk_1:
Um, well, there’s the, yeah, it’s interesting, anxiously attached avoidant lee connected. Um, what do you mean by avoiding the connected?

[00:15:26.19] spk_0:
I thought that was with, I was just trying to summarize the two phrases to monikers that you put on folks actually attached and avoiding maybe I got

[00:15:38.43] spk_1:
attached

[00:15:52.13] spk_0:
attached. Okay, so let’s try to uh, I’d like to apply the, this your work, the science of attachment to uh, to, to making friends in in new jobs. We we know about the great resignation. Lots of people moving. Certainly impacting small and midsize nonprofits. Our listeners. If we’re in a new job understanding it may very well be hybrid. What, what, what applies, what, how can we help ourselves to build these platonic friendships? Platonic relationships.

[00:17:51.90] spk_1:
First of all, I just want to emphasize just how important it is to make friends at work. Um, when people rate how meaningful their job is one of the biggest predictors, even more so than like salary flexibility. Um all these objective measures of work is how connected they feel like that’s like the biggest predictor of how meaningful people find their work. And there’s like studies that look at data from like all these different countries and have people rate out of these 12 domains which winter the most important to you in the workplace and resoundingly across all the countries, people say having good relationships with other people. So it’s critical. I mean, you know, lonely employees, they’re more likely to miss work, their performance suffers less engaged, less likely to be retained, right? Like for us to be happy at work, we need to feel connected, right? It’s it’s no, it’s not just and I’ve been through this as myself, as a professor at an institution who was like, I love the work that I’m doing but I don’t feel like I belong here and I feel really isolated and I left right, even though I love the work because that connection is just such an important resource. And you know, there’s research that finds that when we estimate how steep a hill is when we’re with a friend, we see it as less steep, which suggest when we face challenges and we’re connected, like challenges at the workplace. They feel less challenging to us. Other research that finds that when you have a break to have a conversation with another person and you come back and you you fill out like a test similar to like an IQ test your score is actually higher because you took that time to converse with another person. So

[00:17:57.11] spk_0:
remarkable outcomes.

[00:17:59.96] spk_1:
Yeah, exactly.

[00:18:01.62] spk_0:
Yeah.

[00:18:54.77] spk_1:
So impactful. So so what that means is like relationships don’t get in the way of work, they’re part of what we need to facilitate it. And for us to be performing at our best, we need to feel connected. Um And so if you want to make friends at work, I think it’s similar, similar tips that I share. Um for outside of work, which is assumed people like you um because according to research on something called the acceptance prophecy, when people, when people are told that you’re going to go into a group and be liked even though this is a lie, they become friendlier, warmer more open. So it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy right? So assume that your co workers want to hang out with you and want to get to know you want to hear from you right? Of course if they if they say no or they’re disinterested then move along but make that you’re starting assumption right? And then you have to initiate

[00:18:56.30] spk_0:
because we underestimate that we

[00:18:58.51] spk_1:
underestimate yep

[00:18:59.87] spk_0:
underestimate people’s other people’s esteem for us.

[00:19:17.86] spk_1:
We do, it’s called the liking gap when strangers interact and estimate how like they are by the other person, they underestimate how like they are and not only that the more self critical people were the greater this underestimation so people like us more than we think

[00:19:20.89] spk_0:
like you people

[00:19:22.32] spk_1:
like you

[00:19:23.75] spk_0:
Smalley you know al Franken on saturday night live.

[00:19:27.52] spk_1:
Yeah

[00:19:28.54] spk_0:
dammit people I’m a good person and people like me or something like that.

[00:19:46.54] spk_1:
People like you. Yeah. Yeah and then you have to initiate, you have to say like hey do you want to get lunch sometime or hey do you wanna have coffee sometime? I totally love to get to know you more right. I don’t know why we think these things come off as weird. That’s

[00:19:46.91] spk_0:
the hard step taking that taking that affirmative step to say let’s move it to the next level

[00:19:53.81] spk_1:
which is not that

[00:20:50.23] spk_0:
big A. Level. It’s just like chatting in the office versus having lunch. It’s time for a break. 4th dimension technologies I. T. Infra in a box the I. T. Buffet it’s the holistic I. T. Services solution where you choose the buffet items that fit your budget or your I. T. Appetite as it were like help desk, security assessment planning and budgeting. Moving to the cloud and there’s more, take what you want from the buffet line. Leave the rest behind fourth dimension technologies, tony-dot-M.A.-slash-Pursuant four D. Just like three D. But they go one dimension deeper let’s return to make friends. Why do we feel that That’s so that’s such the hard step to take

[00:20:54.71] spk_1:
after

[00:20:56.22] spk_0:
The five minute conversation that that went you know went smoothly and fun.

[00:21:20.30] spk_1:
Yeah. I think our fear of rejection is one of the biggest barriers to making friends, but our brains have a negativity bias which means that when we predict how our behaviors come off, our predictions tend to be inaccurate and more cynical than the truth, right? Like I already told you about the like and gap, but that is a finding that is across the board. There’s so many studies that find that people are perceiving us more positively than we tend to assume, right. And so if we can just remind ourselves of this like people like you, they’re less likely to reject you than you think it gets a little bit easier to reach out to people and say yeah, I’d love to connect

[00:21:45.42] spk_0:
sometime and I don’t know I am I am I oversimplifying if I say that uh people are over thinking like should I take the next step? Should I, should I say let’s have lunch or should get together after work? I mean are we are we doing that or am I am I oversimplifying if I am saying you know you don’t know what you’re talking about?

[00:23:07.61] spk_1:
No, I think so. I mean I think if you think it do it right, if you think, should we have lunch just ask let’s have lunch right? It’s you know, you don’t have to go back and forth with it if you’re rejected. Also like that’s okay. Like for there’s a study that had people basically read stories about people transitioning to college where people kind of said at first it was difficult making friends, but eventually I found my people right? And then to share their own story of like, oh, I was rejected along the way. But eventually I found my people so and that that fosters greater belonging when we are able to see rejection as part of the trajectory to belonging, right? Like if you want to belong, you put yourself out there, you’re taking a risk. Some people will reject you. Some people won’t, the rejection is not assigned to crawl back into your cave and carl black and tortoiseshell and never try again. It’s a sign that you’re doing everything right and that you’re on the path and this is a part of the path to connection is rejection, right? So I think that helps to remember that. And I like to tell people like if you’ve reached out to someone, you’ve succeeded because you can’t control their outcome and you can’t judge yourself by an outcome you cannot control. So if you did successfully what was within your control, which is reaching out to someone like you’ve already succeeded, no matter what they say.

[00:23:38.39] spk_0:
Now we’re getting into the realm of like, value yourself. You know? Think, think well of yourself people uh the the uh keep in mind the liking gap, you know, but it’s not a reflection on you. It’s they they it’s a reflection on them or maybe they really are busy for lunch already.

[00:24:03.58] spk_1:
Exactly, yeah, don’t take it so personally, I promise it’s not as personal as you think and the more you take it personally, there’s a theory called hypervigilance for social threat hypothesis, which is really clunky, but it’s just the meaning of it. Is that the more that we assume we’re going to be rejected, the poorer our relationships will be because when we assume we are going to be rejected, we engage in antisocial behaviors, right? I’m not going to reach out to you, I’m not going to try to connect with you. I’m not gonna be vulnerable with you. I’m not going to show affection towards you, right? Because I’m assuming that I’m going to be rejected.

[00:24:18.74] spk_0:
Thank you for defining that too, because we have drug in jail on non I’d hate to I hate to have thrown you in drug in jail, but you you defined you defined it.

[00:24:28.11] spk_1:
Okay.

[00:24:36.88] spk_0:
Um so is there anything else about new employee, new workplace, uh that advice that you have?

[00:24:40.15] spk_1:
Yeah,

[00:24:41.23] spk_0:
or hybrid, maybe hybrid advice with, you know, I’m not gonna get to see these people live for several weeks.

[00:24:56.46] spk_1:
Yeah, yeah, I think setting up a regular time to me is a really good idea because you’re not going to just kind of bump into each other, like asking people are you open to just like a weekly catch up or a bi weekly catch up. Right? And the other thing is when you do catch up, like stop talking about work, Like if you there’s a study that found that the more time you spend with your colleagues, the less close you feel and that is really weird, right? Because

[00:25:14.01] spk_0:
the more time the more time you spend with your work colleagues, the less connected you

[00:25:20.28] spk_1:
feel. Exactly. Yeah.

[00:25:22.38] spk_0:
How can that be?

[00:25:40.93] spk_1:
So my theory is that you know, typically we spend time together at foster’s connection but at work we spend time together and we’re only showing this work side of ourselves. So it’s like you only know me as like an employee, you only know my ability to fill out this data sheet and that’s all we’re talking about. So I think it’s really important if you want to make connections at work, like stop talking about work, tell them about who you are. I think some people think it’s like risky, but like there’s so many things you can share about who you are that are not risk, like what are your hobbies interests? Like what is your community, like outside of work, where have you lived before? What are you learning? What media are you engaging in recently?

[00:26:39.04] spk_0:
All these things that you can ask people about when you’re first meeting them, you know maybe maybe not in a work setting, but something social. I mean people have people want to tell their stories, you know, where like you said, where have you lived? What have you done? Uh are you married, you have a partner, you have Children. Where is your family? Do you know all that, all that stuff? Um Yes. Um what about uh new town if you’re in a if you’ve relocated recently, special advice for uh for a new new new place to live or someone who’s maybe uh I don’t know how many listeners this applies to, but a nomad perhaps on the road a lot.

[00:27:56.16] spk_1:
Yeah, yeah. So, um, I think people move to a new town and they’re like, I hope to make friends and I want to tell you do not assume it’s going to happen organically, just don’t like friendship in adulthood, it doesn’t happen organically. Um people that think it does are actually lonely or five years later, according to one study. Whereas people that see it as happening based on effort or less lonely five years later. So my suggestion for you is thinking about something that you’re interested in and pursue it in community with other people. Right? So, I love learning different languages. I can take my spanish class, you could do your hiking class, your improv class, your meditation class, your, you know, whatever it is that you like, your class at the university. I think a lot of retired folks to do things like that, right? Because when you and then you’re you’re setting yourself up to see someone in a way that’s repeated over time and that does two things for you. First of all, when you see someone in a repeated way over time, we have an unconscious tendency to like them more. It’s called the mere exposure effect. So

[00:27:57.41] spk_0:
mirror

[00:29:06.61] spk_1:
Mirror. Yeah, mere exposure effect, yep. And so when researchers planted women in a psychology lecture, they found that, um, students liked the woman who showed up for the most classes, 20% more than the student, the woman that didn’t show up for any, they don’t remember any of these women. Um, but we also find something called like the anticipation of liking effect, which is the, the effect that when we think we’re going to see people again, we report liking them more. Then when we’re not sure we’re going to see someone again. So if I just show up to this lecture and this happy hour, it’s a one off event. I’m not capitalizing on those powerful forces of connection versus when I’m joining something that’s repeated over time, people tend to be more invested in each other, they come to like each other more. I think another implication of mere exposure effect because when I was in college, I like joined a club to make friends and in the first club, I didn’t feel like anyone reached out to me and I didn’t really connect with anyone and then I quit. But the implications of mere exposure effect is like you are going to feel uncomfortable at that first meeting. You’re gonna feel weary. You’re gonna feel like I don’t trust anyone, right? That is part of the process new, your exposure effect has not set in yet, right? It’s going to take a little bit of time before you feel comfortable and they feel comfortable around you. Um,

[00:29:18.96] spk_0:
that’s what you say, you’re, you’re doing the right things,

[00:29:48.91] spk_1:
you’re doing the right things. It may feel, you may feel uncomfortable along the way, but that doesn’t mean that you’re doing anything wrong. But the other tip that I share, because this was my other issue, I show up at this club and I wait for people to talk to me, right? And I don’t really try to introduce myself to anyone and I’m engaging in something called covert avoidance, which is when you show up physically, but check out mentally you’re on your phone, you’re in the corner, you may be talking to the host, the bar bartender, right? You’re watching the television, right? But to overcome covert avoidance, it’s not just about showing up. You have to engage with people when you get there, right? You have to say, hey, my name is Marissa, it’s so good to meet you. Like tell me more about your experience with this club, right? That’s that’s the sort of thing that really fosters the connection.

[00:31:37.05] spk_0:
It’s time for Tony’s take two planned giving accelerator. I’m just planting some seeds here. The next accelerator class is going to be starting in March and I really won’t be promoting it until january, february. Well in january and february. Starting in january, I’ll have some info then. So just like I said, planting seeds if launching and planned, giving fundraising program is something you want to do at your nonprofit or if you’re interested in it for professional development purposes, your own skill building plan giving accelerator, I’ll be able to help you in, uh, for either of those use cases. That’s it. That’s Tony’s take two, two. We’ve got boo koo, but loads more time for make friends with Marisa Franco. This has a lot of residents for are a lot of our listeners who are professional fundraisers and so they’re, they’re, they’re naturally drawn to folks, uh, and relationships. Hopefully otherwise I think they’re in the wrong profession. They’re not, if they’re not naturally inclined to like people, but, but this is all that valuable reminders. I’m, as you’re speaking, I’m thinking of myself in a charity event, you know, a cocktail party or a dinner or something. Yeah. And, and there are the folks who are right talking to the host, talking, talking to your fellow coworkers. You’re supposed to be supposed to be talking to the donors and potential donors to the organization, not huddled with your coworkers for half the time.

[00:32:29.71] spk_1:
I wanted to just touch on that tony because everything that I’m saying about making friends applies to networking like networking to me is making friends with people. Um And when people go into a networking event, one study found that they spend so much more time interacting with people they already know when 95% of people that go went to this networking event reported wanting to meet new people. So literally everybody is there to meet you but everybody is afraid and we think if they’re not engaging with me they don’t want to meet me. But no they’re not engaging with you because they’re afraid just like you are right. And so you know I met this woman, she’s really good at making friends and her secret. Was that she her mom had always told her everybody wants to be your friend, they’re just waiting for you to initiate.

[00:32:59.75] spk_0:
I love that. In one of your new york times interviews I saw a comment that was a little disturbing, but I’m glad I saw it because I would not have thought of it. The guy said this doesn’t apply to men may be fine for women but this doesn’t apply to men can you? And I was first I thought it was unfortunate then I thought some in cell sitting in his mom’s basement or something. Uh tuna helper uh scrolling four chan So can we help this, Can we help this person can reassure us that it doesn’t matter. You haven’t said anything about gender. I brought it up. Can we can we reassure folks that it applies for everybody?

[00:33:32.75] spk_1:
We can we can engage in the complexities of gender, which is that this person is right. It is harder for men. Um we know from the research that men are half as likely to be vulnerable with their friends, half as likely to share affection towards their friends. What men are up against is something called homo hysteria, which is men’s fear of being perceived as gay. So a lot of the behaviors that foster yeah,

[00:33:57.98] spk_0:
hysteria,

[00:33:59.10] spk_1:
hysteria,

[00:33:59.95] spk_0:
afraid of being perceived as gay,

[00:34:45.59] spk_1:
yep, yep. And it’s like it can be very deep rooted and very unconscious, but you know, why are some men so afraid to say I love you to a friend, right? Or you know to even like have any sort of touch with a friend a hug with a friend. Right? And and I think that’s you know, this homo hysteria makes men feel like I can’t um I like I I can’t reach out to a guy. I can’t ask him to just hang out. We have to do it around an activity, right? And this home hysteria makes it so that I think it’s harder for men to find other men that are ready to be in deep relationships with them. That being said. I still think all my tips apply. I think they I still think all the tips apply. What I do think is that men who are specifically seeking friendships with other men. They might have to go through more of a sifting process, right? I told you rejection is part of the experience, right? Men just might have to meet a larger pool of men to find men that are ready for the deep intimacies of friendship, who aren’t as haunted by homo hysteria.

[00:35:10.79] spk_0:
And what about cross gender friends? Uh male and female? Is that that make it harder to I’m engaging in deep stereotypes here. Is it harder for men to to be friends with women? And this comes from when Harry met sally? You know, what what what what are the dynamics there?

[00:36:26.07] spk_1:
The dynamics are that men very much benefit from being friends with women. Like the research is mixed on whether men feel closer to their women friends or their men friends, whereas women in general report that the women in their life are the closest friends that they have. So so men and also men that are friends with women actually experience more intimacy in their friendships than men that are just friends with men. So, so I think men feel safer around women in some ways to get really vulnerable in a way that they don’t always feel around other men. So these cross gender friendships really give something to men in particular and obviously, you know, everybody gets the sort of new perspective that they might be looking for from someone of a different gender, which both genders report appreciating about these cross gender friendships. We also know though that these cross gender friendships tend to be more fragile, they’re more likely to end. And there can be, you know, people can feel threatened, right if you get into a romantic relationship or you have a spouse and oh you’re making friends with someone of a different gender. And what does that mean for our relationship? Right. And so I think some of those assumptions are part of the reason why it can be harder to make those friendships.

[00:36:44.49] spk_0:
That was uh what you just mentioned was the cause of my uh my a divorce once.

[00:36:52.25] spk_1:
Yeah.

[00:36:54.09] spk_0:
Yeah. I my first wife refused to allow me to um have lunch with female colleagues

[00:37:03.93] spk_1:
at

[00:37:14.46] spk_0:
work at work. Um and then um then she she she thought I had had a lunch and devolved from there. But that was a deep, I mean to me it was an insecurity that you know, lunches with colleagues were were prohibited. Yeah.

[00:37:25.26] spk_1:
Can I speak to that tony because I think you’re raising a really important

[00:37:28.50] spk_0:
point.

[00:37:45.23] spk_1:
We sometimes really perceive friendship as antagonistic to romantic love, right? Like if you’re hanging out with your friends, you’re not hanging out with me. Like I only want you or I only want you to hang out with me, I won’t be the only woman in your life, right? But in fact people that have friends are a lot better spouses because if I make a friend according to the research, not only am I less depressed, my spouse becomes less depressed because

[00:37:56.00] spk_0:
like

[00:38:32.02] spk_1:
yeah, your own happiness in a relationship is going to impact your spouse’s. So anything that makes you happy is going to make your relationship happier, right? And and there’s other studies that find that when you get into conflict, your release of the stress hormone cortisol after the conflict is like dis regulated off, it’s off, it’s wacky. But when you have quality connection outside the marriage, that’s not true, your stress hormone release is still typical. And studies also find that for women that have particularly close friendship tend to have more close friendships when they go through difficulties in their marriage, they’re more resilient to them because they’re centering themselves emotionally and re engaging in this relationship from a centered place because they have someone else that they could also talk to about the issue. So, so I don’t think I wish that we didn’t see these two things as antagonistic because in fact they’re synergistic like your spouse making friends is going to make for a better marriage, a better relationship with you and

[00:38:53.77] spk_0:
you

[00:38:54.45] spk_1:
and happier you and happier spouse both things All

[00:39:04.79] spk_0:
right. Um you you encourage folks to share that with with their friends how they feel that they that they like their friends that they’re thinking about their friends. Why why is that so important?

[00:39:34.90] spk_1:
Yeah. So I think sometimes we have this misconception that oh, vulnerability burdens people, right? But in fact the research is sort of like clear that the more you disclose intimately about yourself, the closer that people feel to you, the more that they like you, right? It’s and the more that they disclose back. So it becomes again this sort of positive reinforcing cycle and fundamentally, you know, having someone to confide and being vulnerable with someone is really important for our mental health and well being. There is a study that looked at 106 factors that influence our depressive symptoms. Do you know what the number one preventer was?

[00:39:56.81] spk_0:
Vulnerability?

[00:39:59.39] spk_1:
Yeah, it was. And then having someone to confide in that was the number one, number one preventer of depression. Um and so

[00:40:07.59] spk_0:
100 and 600 and

[00:40:13.50] spk_1:
606. That’s the most powerful one. Yeah. So we need it for ourselves. We need it for our relationships like we need that vulnerability. Otherwise you’re going to feel like I’m friends with them but they don’t really know me. And I don’t actually feel that close to them.

[00:40:44.42] spk_0:
Listeners are gonna know may even predict what I’m about to say about vulnerability and leadership that I’ve I’ve I’ve always subscribed That vulnerability is a is a wonderful characteristic uh feature of of of leadership that you can open up vulnerability about, you know, not necessarily about your personal life but about uh you know that that you don’t have all the answers that the organization isn’t where we want it to be, but here’s how we can get it there vulnerability. Can are you able to speak to vulnerability in leadership and how that’s perceived by the people who work for that person?

[00:41:26.73] spk_1:
Yeah, I haven’t read extensively on this, but I know it does contribute to positive outcomes at work and I also know that as a leader, what you do disproportionately sets the culture and the tone of the place, right? So if you’re able to be vulnerable, you literally create an entire culture of people being vulnerable where now colleagues feel like, okay this is a norm. Like leaders are creating the norms. And so the people that are all working under you are all going to feel like, oh now I can be more vulnerable with other people and I can share more and obviously that’s going to help them create those workplace connections with their colleagues that we just talked about is so meaningful.

[00:41:46.37] spk_0:
So that that can absolutely trickle down

[00:41:50.27] spk_1:
from from from

[00:41:51.28] spk_0:
leadership.

[00:41:51.97] spk_1:
Whatever you do as a leader trickles down so choose wisely.

[00:41:56.89] spk_0:
Um I’ve been firing a lot of stuff at you, Marissa, what what would you like to talk about?

[00:42:01.68] spk_1:
Yeah, I’m wondering what has you interested in this topic?

[00:43:55.63] spk_0:
Uh Okay thank you. I’m I’m the connector among friends. Um Hi going back to high school, I’m 60 I still have deep friends friendship from high school um from college law school, the Air Force jobs I’ve been in like I leave a job, but I still stay in touch with the friends. I still, because I didn’t like the job. It’s not that I didn’t like the people. So I tend to be the ones my fraternity. I’m the one who organizes the, uh, the annual reunion around the spring carnival at the college. Um, I’m a connector. You know, I’m the one even even through and I don’t have, I don’t have Children. I’m married but don’t have Children. So even through the ages where, uh, my friends were, uh, saddled, had the responsibilities of Children, put it trying to put it as politely as possible saddled or burdened with parenthood. You know, we had the responsibility of childhood. So, you know, they couldn’t get away on a, on a reunion weekend, you know, but you, you wait out, you know, stay in touch and do what you can call instead of meeting, maybe, Uh, quick meeting instead of dinner meetings. You know, things like that. And then through the decades, uh, you wait 16 or 17 years and then the Children don’t want to be around because the parents are now humiliation and embarrassment. So if you wait out your friends, they’ll come back to you and then all of a sudden they can come back to the reunions and they can meet you for a weekend and a dinner because their Children don’t want to be seen anywhere near them. You wait it out, your your, your your you’re friends with, Children will come back. Um, so yeah, so yes, I saw you in the times. And the idea of deep friendships, relationships going back to high school, uh, resonates with me. I’m the connector.

[00:44:08.91] spk_1:
So you’re the one that will reach out and initiate and put in the effort. It sounds like,

[00:44:30.99] spk_0:
yeah, I keep the email lists for a bunch of, a bunch of different categories of friends. I forgot to mention Boy Scouts. My Boy Scout camp fellow coworkers and Boy scouts. Uh, yeah, I’ve got a bunch of email lists. I’m the one who initiates, but you know, it’s, it’s to me, I’m doing it for selfish reasons because it feels so good.

[00:44:36.59] spk_1:
It’s

[00:45:24.38] spk_0:
the, it’s the, it’s the cortisol regulation you talked about. I don’t know if dopamine is firing. Um, the oxytocin that you mentioned. You know, people thank me, but I’d say I do it for selfish reasons because it feels good to get to see 20 friends together for a reunion weekend and laughing like they can’t laugh in front of their families or their coworkers, because you know, we have bonds and we saw each other when we were stupid in college or in high school that that transcend these bonds, transcend all our other relationships. And so the persona is the personas are dropped, the facades are down and everybody’s just back slapping and laughing and enjoying each other’s company that we’ve known each other for 45 years in some cases.

[00:45:44.24] spk_1:
And I also hear that because I know sometimes people are like the one to reach out and the one to organize and they can feel a little bit resentful. Like people aren’t reaching out to me. But it sounds like maybe part of the reason why that works for you is because you’re able to be like, well, this is a joy for me. It isn’t, you know, the task to be the one that reaches out all the time. Or or do you sometimes feel resentful if people aren’t as intentional as you are?

[00:46:07.33] spk_0:
I used to. But that was that was probably 10 or 15 years ago or so. And I just got over it. A lot of it was because folks had Children. So, you know, so they weren’t as available. Um, but I, yeah, I got over it. I don’t You know, if people don’t respond to the, well, it’s not that nobody responds, but for the folks who don’t respond to the let’s get together over the reunion weekend at college. You know, they have their own things going on. That’s okay. You know? Uh, let’s let’s focus on the 25 who will, who will come.

[00:46:22.32] spk_1:
Yeah, it seems like you learn to not take things personally and that really helped you with your friendships.

[00:46:27.36] spk_0:
Yeah, enormously that

[00:46:29.15] spk_1:
security. That’s the secure attachment. We’ve been talking about.

[00:46:32.64] spk_0:
Okay, great. I’m talking to a psychologist. I’m doing my therapy. I’m doing my therapy and public here.

[00:46:40.41] spk_1:
I want to have my podcast. I love asking questions. I love turning the tables and hearing from people and we all have so much wisdom inside of us. You

[00:47:12.68] spk_0:
know I appreciate it. And obviously I had a story to tell why this all this your work resonates with me because I believe in deep rich friendships. You know the jokes that only we get You know that only we know because it goes back 30 years or something. You know those types of things that those inside things you know that it all it all resonates my synesthesia is kicking in because I’m getting goose bumps as I’m talking to you. Um You have a quiz we should encourage folks to take your quiz at. Uh D. R. Marissa. And by the way marissa is one S. D. R. Marissa G franco dot com. You want to acquaint folks with your quiz on on your site?

[00:47:35.11] spk_1:
Yeah so at dr marisa G franco dot com you can take a quiz. It assesses your strengths and weaknesses as a friend and also gives you some suggestions for how to improve as a friend if that’s what you’re looking for and you can reach out there. I do for any speaking engagements on connection and belonging

[00:48:13.70] spk_0:
you say dr marisa DeFranco people will spell out doctor. Okay well it’s the lawyer it’s the Air Force I guess. D. R. Marissa. however you want to do it just doctor is D. R. D. R. Marissa. Dr marisa DeFranco dot com. Um But what else anything else from from the book or from from your research, science of attachment or anything else you wanna you wanna talk about? You graciously turned to me. That was very

[00:48:15.58] spk_1:
thoughtful. You

[00:48:16.92] spk_0:
are very generous and thoughtful

[00:48:18.03] spk_1:
that way. What

[00:48:19.16] spk_0:
would you like to talk about that we didn’t cover?

[00:48:22.55] spk_1:
Well I think you know my niece read my book and one of her takeaways was that for friendship to happen someone has to be brave so be brave.

[00:48:35.03] spk_0:
Okay would you like to leave it there? I

[00:48:53.41] spk_1:
would like to leave it there and of course my book you know I appreciate if you read it I think you’ll really like it. It’s called Platonic how the science of attachment can help you make and keep friends. It’s a new york times bestseller. Or you can find me on for more tips outside of this. You can find me on instagram at D. R. DR D. R marissa G franco as well and hopefully we can connect more. But tony thank you so much. This was really pleasure and I really did enjoy hearing some of your insights especially because you know I’m a little younger than you so I’m like what is the future hold for me and friendship So it’s just it’s really helpful to hear your your wisdom.

[00:49:13.10] spk_0:
Oh thank you very much. I guess I guess I would summarize with wait out your friends,

[00:49:19.71] spk_1:
wait

[00:49:20.07] spk_0:
out your your weight out, you’re married, you’re married friends, they will come back to

[00:49:24.97] spk_1:
you. Uh

[00:49:26.49] spk_0:
and uh and Marisa’s book is at uh is that dr marisa DeFranco dot com? So that’s where you can find her book, platonic, Thank you, Marissa, real joy. I got more goose bumps. Thank you so much. Thank

[00:49:40.35] spk_1:
you.

[00:50:41.75] spk_0:
Don’t leave yet. I have to have to say goodbye to everybody. It’s time for um sorry, it’s time for me to tell you that next week what what next week’s show is gonna be ordinarily I would, but I’m working on it, I’m working on, I won’t let you down again. I mean, not that I have, I’m saying again that I won’t let you down. Not like I let you down in the past and now I won’t do it again. That’s not what I meant. If you missed any part of this week’s show, I beseech you find it at tony-martignetti dot com. We’re sponsored by turn to communications pr and content for nonprofits. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c o. And by fourth dimension technologies I tion for in a box, the affordable tech solution for nonprofits. tony-dot-M.A.-slash-Pursuant four D. Just like three D. But they go one dimension deeper. Our creative producer is claire Meyerhoff shows social media is by Susan Chavez. Mark Silverman is our web guy and his music is by scott Stein. Thank you for that. Affirmation, Scotty B with me next week for nonprofit, radio big nonprofit ideas for the other 95%, go out and be great.

Nonprofit Radio for October 17, 2022: Wake Up Excited, Go To Bed Fulfilled

 

Eric SaperstonWake Up Excited, Go To Bed Fulfilled

That’s what Eric Saperston wants for you. He returns after many years to share his wisdom born of research over cups of coffee with some of the most successful folks on the planet. Plus there’s his book, “Live In Wonder.”

 

 

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[00:00:11.23] spk_0:
Hello and welcome to tony-martignetti non profit radio big non profit ideas for the other 95%. I’m your aptly named host of your favorite abdominal podcast. Oh, I’m glad you’re with me. I’d get slapped with a diagnosis of dextrose acclimation if I saw that you missed this week’s

[00:00:32.52] spk_1:
show, wake

[00:00:56.60] spk_0:
up excited, go to bed fulfilled. That’s what eric Sapperstein wants for you. He returns after many years to share his wisdom born of research over cups of coffee with some of the most successful folks on the planet. Plus there’s his book Live in wonder On Tony’s take 2 18 reasons for bequests. We’re sponsored by turn to

[00:00:57.91] spk_1:
communications

[00:01:05.94] spk_0:
pr and content for nonprofits. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c O. and by 4th Dimension Technologies IT Infra in a

[00:01:09.89] spk_1:
box. The

[00:01:58.00] spk_0:
affordable tech solution for nonprofits. tony-dot-M.A.-slash-Pursuant D just like three D. But they go one dimension deeper. It is a genuine pleasure to welcome back eric Sapperstein to the show. He is an award winning winning filmmaker, best selling author, executive coach, keynote speaker and host of the new series, three things you may have seen him on the Today show CNN or headline news or in the new york times National Geographic or the Wall Street Journal. He continues to interview world leaders, tycoons, visionaries and pioneers to understand the common traits that make them successful. He’s at Erik Sabiston and at eric Sapper stone dot com eric welcome back to non profit radio

[00:02:07.49] spk_1:
Yay, Tony What a pleasure to be back with you my friend 10 years that some people would call that a decade

[00:02:49.41] spk_0:
10. It was, it was february 2012. Last time you were on we met at the thing called the next gen charity conference in new york city. Uh and I’ve been following you since I’ve got your film, we’re going to talk about, you’ve uh you’ve been living a life of Wonder. We’re gonna get to that book called Living Wonder. Um but I, I’ve got to ask you about wake up excited, go to bed fulfilled, give us some some, you know, we have a full hour together so no need to, no need to squeeze it all in here. But like high level, how can we wake up excited and go to bed fulfilled.

[00:03:33.96] spk_1:
Well, what a great question I think for me, first and foremost, you know, I grew up, my father before I was born had a stroke. He was 28 years old and he had a stroke Before that he was playing minor league baseball for the white sox. He was the top c you know, executive. My mom was a stay at home mother and at 28 my dad went into the doctor found out he was bleeding in the arteries, they had to do a surgery on him and he came out paralyzed on the entire left side of his body and my mom who was a stay at home mother became the breadwinner for our family. My dad crippled uh was really in dire straits and and depressed and had a real hard go. And then four years later I wasn’t planned, I had, I have an older brother and a sister that are six and seven years old. But even though my dad was paralyzed, he still had some things functioning.

[00:03:51.90] spk_0:
So I I

[00:08:29.90] spk_1:
uh I was because I was born as a, as a surprise and and came into the world with a father that was crippled, a father that was jaded a father that was angry and upset for not, you know, and rightfully so he he was, he was an athlete and a participate er in life and all of a sudden he was regulated to have to really crawl through the world and it wasn’t a pleasurable experience for him. And one of the great lessons that I learned from growing up like that is around suffering and there’s all kinds of suffering, they’re suffering that’s thrust upon you like being paralyzed and then there’s internal suffering, mental suffering. And one of my personal missions is to is to reduce suffering and increase joy in people’s lives. And I, I looked at my dad who was was struggling and I thought, well, he’s he’s he’s got a lot of wisdom and he’s very smart and I’m grateful to be a son and he’s not waking up excited and going to bed fulfilled. And that’s something that called to me, I wanted to do that. And so I out of college, I realized that I wanted to, to learn how to do that and not knowing it myself because it wasn’t modeled for me. That’s when I came up with this idea of traveling around the country and calling up the most passionate and successful people in the world and asking them out for a cup of coffee so I can learn from them how to wake up excited and go to bed fulfilled. And so I’ve learned a tremendous amount. And, and uh, I think that’s one of the reasons why people bring me out now to give speeches and coach executives and do all the things is to help people uh, do that. I think the world right now is for me from where I’m sitting. When I look at most people, I see most people going to bed exhausted and waking up tired and then they put that on repeat over and over and all of a sudden, you know, a week goes into a month and a month goes into a year and all of a sudden before you know, it, it’s been a decade of, of doing that. And I think that’s a tragedy. I think that a life is such a beautiful gift and that we’re here to live it. And I think it’s important to wake up excited and go to bed fulfilled and live every day, like it’s your last and a big part of that. You asked me, what can you do to do that? I would say three things in particular. One, I would say that it’s all about our language, that we use our language uh and the stories that we tell to shape and create and design our our life. And most people are using disempowering language uh to describe their life and they’re getting disempowering results. And if we use empowering language, we can have a better shot at creating empowered results. So we play a game called up the language and elevate the story and the higher we can tell, the better story that we can tell about our lives, the better our lives become. So that’s number one, Number two on what it takes to wake up excited and go to bed fulfilled. I would say it’s all about being really clear about the standards, guiding principles, values, definitions and commitments of who we are. One of the metaphors I like to use is that uh again, when I look around the world today, I see a lot of rudderless boats and we all know what happens to a boat without a rudder. You know, people have become rudderless boats and when a boat doesn’t have a rudder, it drifts, it’s at the whim of the elements, it, the news can impact it. A a story can impact it and people are being spun around. That’s why I think people are going to bed exhausted and waking up tired is because they’re unclear about what it is that they stand for and what I’ve learned from talking to the most successful people in the world is that they’re clear and they weren’t clear when they became successful, they got clear on the way because that became the rudder of their boat and they became the captain of their vessel and they were able to carve through all kinds of scenarios to be who they are because they know what their definition of success is. They know what their vision is, they know what their mission is. They know what the values that push and drive them to do what they do. They know their commitments. And I think one of the things that I’m seeing as I’m coaching all these executives around the world is that no matter how successful the executive has become, people need a good checkup, they need an opportunity to kind of reevaluate who am I, what am I what do I care about? What’s important to me and get really clear about that. And with that comes confidence, self esteem, velocity, ease, and power. And the third thing I would say that helps people wake up excited and go to bed fulfilled is definitely one of the big ah ha’s for me after studying the common traits of extraordinary people. Now for many, many years, one of the big epiphanies was that the people who wake up excited and go to bed fulfilled and live extraordinary lives for decades are people that have maintained celebrated and share their sense of wonder with the

[00:08:51.00] spk_0:
world

[00:09:40.02] spk_1:
that we have become a society that has become cynical and jaded and bored and disillusioned and all that is because somebody has sold out. Their sense of wonder. Wonder is a birthright that all of us have, every single child on this planet was born with a sense of wonder. It is our first value. It is about being curious and innovative and exploratory and living life is an adventure and some people are born with it and keep it and nurture it and celebrate it and go on to live extraordinary lives and other people, let like, you know, get punched in the gut and let the wind get knocked out of them. Let the wonder get knocked out of them, and then they become cynical and jaded and depressed and all those kind of things. So, I think this world right now, one of my big invitations is for everyone to do whatever it takes to reclaim their sense of wonder, That childlike curiosity, that all that playfulness and approach life from that place, it brings vitality, life force, and aliveness,

[00:09:57.25] spk_0:
which

[00:09:57.68] spk_1:
I guess ultimately, uh to answer your question, if you put all those together and a few other things, I think you have a greater chance of waking up excited and going to bed fulfilled.

[00:10:59.80] spk_0:
You make my synesthesia kick in. I I get I get some tears listening to you, especially the last the third, especially the third livin livin wonder that reclaiming that childhood curiosity. Sense of sense of wonder. Um, I, I have to share with you that I’ve been sharing your, I’m gonna call, well I’m gonna call it a mantra. Maybe it’s not your mantra, but the mantra. Wake up excited, go to bed fulfilled. Um, in, in my work, I am often talking to people who are 70 and over because I’m doing planned, giving fundraising for my clients who are non profits and they’re the people who leave the leave, the nonprofits in their wills and their trust and their life insurance. You know, they’re typically over 70 or so. So I shared this mantra with two women and they both, they both wanted to write it down. 11 was 84 the other, I told it to her on her 99th birthday. I was with her just a couple of weeks ago celebrating her 99th birthday and I told her about the, the,

[00:11:18.04] spk_1:
so

[00:11:18.39] spk_0:
The, the aspiration to uh, to wake up excited, go to bed fulfilled and both of them and she wrote it down. This is how a 99 year old remembers things she write it down. She would think about it and the 84 year old that was a phone conversation, but same thing she, she wanted to write it down. So it’s, it’s inspirational to folks who are over 84 and over and including a 99 year old that I shared it with. So it’s, it is uh, it’s such a beautiful aspiration.

[00:12:01.96] spk_1:
You know, it really came to me organically. I was, you know, you mentioned that I made a movie and out of college for those folks, I guess that, that don’t know about it. You know, I graduated from college and my, I, I had gone to college, not planning to go to college. I really was, that wasn’t really in my focus yet. I ended up going to school. And then not only did I go to school, I excelled, I became a student body president and fraternity president, a resident advisor. I ran the volunteer center, a big advocate. I’ve been volunteering for a long time.

[00:12:22.65] spk_0:
Where did you go to school and shout out

[00:12:25.22] spk_1:
to SAN Diego State, S.

[00:12:27.83] spk_0:
D. S. U SAn Diego State,

[00:13:17.75] spk_1:
you and the, and Grossmont College. Before that I went to a community college. I said, I did, I didn’t plan to go to college. I went to community college first, then went to SAN Diego state. And volunteering was, has been a part of my soul for a long time. It was when I was a kid. Volunteering volunteer for the special olympics. I ran the volunteer center. I ended up getting invited to run with the olympic torch because I was a volunteer uh, and volunteerism led me to being a speaker at the AmeriCorps conference, you know, for the martin Luther king national conference on service. Then I ended up meeting credit scott king and then I ended up meeting the director of the FBI bill sessions and then he introduced me to Governor Richards and Governor Richards introduced me to Henry Winkler, the Fonz. And then that led to a development deal with walt Disney Studios and then it turned our journey. We were traveling. I was I kind of jumped ahead but I was, I was

[00:13:19.97] spk_0:
gonna talk about graduating. Yeah, we’re gonna talk about Van life, we’re gonna get we’re gonna get great. But

[00:13:24.99] spk_1:
no doubt about it.

[00:13:26.00] spk_0:
I

[00:13:28.09] spk_1:
think people like to say I was Van Life before Van Life was a hashtag.

[00:13:31.54] spk_0:
Yes, before we even had hashtags,

[00:13:33.92] spk_1:
it

[00:13:35.50] spk_0:
was such a thing as a hashtag, it was a pound sign. It used to be a pound

[00:13:39.18] spk_1:
sign, It

[00:13:40.32] spk_0:
was a butcher, you were dead. A pound. Like three hashtag £3. And then that got converted to a hashtag and now pounds. I guess it’s just L. B. But yes, when, when pounds was represented by today’s hashtag you were you were living Van life.

[00:16:43.75] spk_1:
I was, I was indeed. So I guess for the for the just to recap the movie. So the movie where I graduated college I took and instead of getting a job because I felt like I achieved a lot in college and I wasn’t so ready to go get a corporate job or go to graduate school. I decided that I was going to take a year off and follow the grateful dead and work of ski season in aspen. So I took my golden retriever Jack, I bought a night I bought, I bought an old Volkswagen bus uh and the two of us set off across the country before I left my mentor in school challenged me and he said, hey eric, what can you do to make the trip more meaningful? I mean I get, you’re gonna go party and play, but you’re already good at that, What can you do that would provide value on this journey to yourself and others along the way. And he really dropped a great question that changed the trajectory of my life. And so I thought about it and I thought about my life and I thought about how my father was crippled and I grew up in a house like I did and I thought about wanting to, to wake up excited and go to bed fulfilled and what that would look like and how can I do that? And then I read this quote that said to know the road ahead, ask those coming back. And that quote stuck with me and I realized that if I wanted to live an extraordinary life, the quickest and best way that I could do that would be to go to talk to people who are already living extraordinary lives and study the common traits motivating factors and guiding principles that enable them enable everyday people to, to produce extraordinary results. And so I had this vision that I’d call people and then I set off on this cross country adventure not knowing if anybody would say yes or that I could do it. But at least it gave my, my, my journey a sense of purpose. So I set off across the country and maybe some of you might have seen me and not remembered because how I funded my trip is, I would pull into rest areas with my Coleman stove and I’d set up my dog and my bus and I jammed some jam some tunes and I sold what I called back then sexy kind grilled cheese sandwiches made with love for $1 off my Coleman stove for gas money and dog food and people would walk up to me and just tilt their head like a dog that’s confused and just like, what are you doing? And I would tell them that I graduated from school and I’m traveling around the country and I’m calling it the most powerful people in the world and taking them out for a cup of coffee and how I’m funding my travels by selling sexy kind grilled cheese sandwiches. How many sandwiches would you like? And uh, some people called the cops, uh, some people, uh, you know, turned the other way and other people thought what I was doing was cool and they started buying my sandwiches. And then not only did they buy my sandwiches, some people, they would give me $5 because they thought, what I was doing was cool or 10 or 20. And, uh, a few times I even got some $50 bill once, uh, $50 bills for two pieces of bread and some cheese, which is pretty incredible to get $50 grilled cheese sandwiches. I guess that’s, that’s what a college education, right? That’s, that’s what a college education is all about. Learning how to market $50 grilled cheese sandwiches,

[00:17:57.29] spk_0:
It’s time for a break. Turn to communications crisis Communications, did you see the pr and communications train wreck That was in the Los Angeles City Council just very recently racist remarks, followed by attempted apologies that managed to work in justifications, ignorant comments, tone deaf remarks. Do you have a crisis? Communications plan? Do you foresee a potential crisis even worse? Can you head it off? Turn two can help you with either of those with anything related to crisis? Communications, either planning or taking care of one turn to communications. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot C o. Now, back to wake up excited. Go to bed fulfilled.

[00:19:29.68] spk_1:
So, I got a chance to get to talk to, you know, travel and make some money and then people were giving me, uh, when they found out what I was doing, they gave me names and numbers. Even the people that they knew, oh my God, what you’re doing is cool. We, you know, I was telling them, I’m bridging a gap between young people and wise elders and, and do you know any wise elders. And then people would say, oh, you know who you need to meet is, you know, max Cleland, he’s a Georgia Secretary of State and triple Amputee and a war hero and he’d be great. Or you can go to my cousin’s Bernie Marcus, the founder of Home Depot, you could, you could meet him, he’s really great. And my, my my my sister in law is Kathy thornton who’s a United States astronaut, the first woman in space and you should meet her. And so all of a sudden I got names and numbers of people plus I was cold calling people and and calling corporations and calling all types of folks and saying, can I take you out for coffee. And then lo and behold, I was interviewing some of the most extraordinary people on the planet and then was encouraged, what what what are you doing? And then, uh, realized that we were capturing the living oral history of extraordinary people. And then we were encouraged to get a video camera and document our travels and then we went across the country for four years, shot over 500 hours of footage interviewed over 200 of the most extraordinary people, from Billy Crystal to jerry Garcia to jimmy carter to Maya Angelou to on and on and on and met all these incredible people documented uh, their wisdom and expiry and then ended up making a feature film that we got a deal with Disney and then that movie, we sold our short, we made a short film first and we sold it at Sundance Film Festival and then our feature one South by Southwest and then off to the races. We went and we had a hit on our hands that were in theaters all across the country to sold out shows. Oh, you have it right there.

[00:19:50.66] spk_0:
So we’re

[00:19:51.37] spk_1:
really blessed.

[00:19:53.19] spk_0:
I, my DVD winner the audience award at the Atlanta Video Film and Video Festival 2001, winner of the most memorable film award, South by Southwest Film Festival 2003. You gotta get your, you gotta get your copy of the DVD. I’m holding it up for, we’re only folks are only hearing us, but I’m holding up my copy for, for eric The journey, The film is the

[00:22:49.57] spk_1:
journey, the journey film. Yeah, you can, you can, you can get access to that at Living Wonder dot com or eric Sapperstein dot com. Yeah. The movie, it turned out that, you know, it was in Barnes and nobles and Hollywood video and uh, netflix and all that. And it really, it’s impacted people all all around the world and it’s, it’s been a real blessing. There was a little bubble gum and shoestring operation. Uh you know the little book, the little engine that could I think I can I think I can. I think our movie was like that and then it ended up really um inspiring and and impacting a lot of people and why I brought up the movie in the first place was that you were sharing with me, how you shared um wake up excited and go to bed with these really incredible clients of yours and the impact it had. And I was saying that that phrase came organically uh to me, I was I had done this travel. I we I picked up three other travelers and we went around the country interviewing people and it’s the story of our own dynamic and what it was like following a dream and and and being on this adventure and meeting all these iconic people. And then there was a moment where I was in a we were camping in the snow up in Oregon and I just looked at the camera, Kathleen, our cinematographer puts the camera on me and it’s towards the end of our journey before we went home to even watch footage and figure out how to make it into a movie. This was well before that there was just while we were still on the road and Kathleen put the camera in front of me and and started asking me, you know, things that I’ve learned from taking this adventure and I just looked at the camera and said, I just have one question to ask people and that is are you waking up excited and going to bed fulfilled if you are you’re doing the deal and if not what are you waiting for? And that became the last line of the movie. Uh and I’ve been living it ever since and asking people that question everywhere I go because the question is so powerful to me because it’s either one or the other. Somebody looks at that question and goes either I am waking up excited and going to bed fulfilled and that’s a celebratory life and other people ask themselves that question and they’re like dang it. I’m not and if you’re not, then it’s time to set a course to make that happen. Life is such an unpredictable thing we just learned from inside the pandemic and everyone, it’s our birthright. I believe it’s our birthright to wake up excited and go to bed fulfill.

[00:23:17.11] spk_0:
We have control over a lot of things in our life. The folks, we surround ourselves with the choices we make personally and professionally um are, are are thinking, you know, you you you captured with you know our language using empowering language but our thinking about ourselves or the way we talk about ourselves and you know, these are things that we all have control over and including those big decisions in life. You know, you you can make the life that that you aspire to, but you just have to be conscious in in, in lots of things.

[00:23:43.32] spk_1:
Yeah, I think being conscious is important. I mean conscious is a big word, a scary word of, you know, an out their word, but I think ultimately what it means is being present. Yeah,

[00:24:12.55] spk_0:
thoughtful about your, your decisions, your choices, your actions. Again, the folks you surround yourself with. I think, I think the folks you surround yourself with, you know, uh do you, do you, do you spend your time with folks who are, who lift you up, who challenge you, who you whose company you enjoy or is it more folks that you know, are troubled that bring you down that are, that are needy. Uh you know, maybe some folks in your life that you don’t have a choice about, but a lot of choice, a lot of folks in your life you do have a choice

[00:24:18.76] spk_1:
about

[00:24:19.83] spk_0:
and I

[00:24:21.63] spk_1:
think strongly

[00:24:22.29] spk_0:
about the people you surround yourself with and spend

[00:24:38.30] spk_1:
time, I agree with you. I think the principal, the principal there is like attracts like, so uh let’s say I’m a cynical, jaded, frustrated person and, and and of course I’m thinking, you know, I need to hang out with more uplifting, powerful, inspiring people. But the uplifting, inspiring, powerful people aren’t gonna wanna hang out with you

[00:24:48.45] spk_0:
because

[00:25:58.26] spk_1:
you’re that person is taking energy instead of contributing energy. So it really comes down to who were being in the world and to to step up our game. I mean, both personally and professionally, I think one of the things that I’m doing now as as you know, as a coach, we specialize in coaching executives to achieve meaningful impact and amplify their personal and professional narratives and to amplify our narratives. That’s what we’re talking about here is amplifying the the higher our narrative can go up, the more joyous and fulfilled our lives are people are people are it’s amazing to me, it’s just incredible. Even top executives are using language that’s off putting, you know, in our world right now, in corporate America, we’ve become a culture that’s talking about inclusion, empathy, belonging, psychological safety, organizational health, all these things are important to create a very powerful culture and most organizations and their executives are using language that is outdated, They’re using language that’s Disempowering. They’re using language that’s aggressive. They’re using language that actually makes people recoil and they’re good people. The people that I’m talking to are good people, they’ve got great ideas and a powerful vision and they want to do good in the world yet, the language they’re using is actually sending people further away and if we start

[00:26:20.02] spk_0:
like what eric give us an example or two of of this Disempowering type language

[00:26:38.23] spk_1:
great uh here’s here. We talk about distinctions a lot. One of the distinctions that we talk about that’s super powerful as a leader is our people talking from the eye versus the you.

[00:26:44.23] spk_0:
Mm

[00:26:46.05] spk_1:
Most people, what do you think I are? You

[00:26:50.56] spk_0:
what do most people do I’m

[00:27:05.20] spk_1:
talking about? So there’s a leader could be a leader. Leader. An organization gets up and starts talking to his people for her people about what’s going on in the organization. Is that leader using I language or you language?

[00:27:11.35] spk_0:
I think they’re probably using more I language. I would like to hear more. We language

[00:27:20.34] spk_1:
you can use we language that would be a nice evolution. Uh, I would say just from from our research and what we see is that

[00:27:29.17] spk_0:
you

[00:27:30.32] spk_1:
all, you

[00:27:31.41] spk_0:
you people

[00:27:34.38] spk_1:
are ewing all over each other,

[00:27:36.07] spk_0:
people, You

[00:28:15.24] spk_1:
know what you need to do. You need to follow this. You need to you need to you need to you need to you need to you need to, you need to And then even if it’s good, even if it’s well intended, they’re using the word you on people and people get frustrated. They get they get it, they feel attacked, they feel confronted, they feel like you’re judging them the word you is challenging. Way better for an executive to turn around and say, hey, this was my experience, this is what I need, this is what I would like to see happen. This is what I want and that way I get to tell my story and you get to be enrolled in my story, possibility in my story.

[00:28:17.25] spk_0:
What about inclusive we language we together

[00:28:25.26] spk_1:
even better. Even better. Even better.

[00:28:26.35] spk_0:
But it’s

[00:28:34.64] spk_1:
careful. We as a difficult one because we can be a crutch. People can use the word we when they really mean you and it’s different. All right. Get a little dangerous.

[00:28:38.26] spk_0:
Okay. You have to be sincere about doing things together. Moving ahead

[00:28:44.94] spk_1:
together

[00:28:45.67] spk_0:
together. Yeah, be sincere to be genuine about that. All right. Um, here’s

[00:29:44.39] spk_1:
another one. People say people say, you know, a lot people will be in a conversation to go. We learned we learned this the other day when we were, we were interviewing an I. T. Guy Yeah, to work with us and we took him to dinner and we had a piece of pizza and then he was sitting there. We just learned, we just, we just learned, you know, we were just thinking about this distinction came up with this distinction around I versus you. And then uh my my lady and I were at dinner with this guy and he starts telling this story to us. He’s like, hey, you know when you’re in Vegas and then you’re out partying all night and then, you know, you drink too much and then you pass out and then you find yourself in a hotel room with a black eye and there’s two dudes there that you don’t know and then your wallet’s gone. You know what I’m talking about and Sarah and I are.

[00:29:45.84] spk_0:
So we we

[00:29:47.38] spk_1:
we we actually we actually don’t know what you’re talking

[00:29:56.22] spk_0:
about. I can’t say I’ve had that experience to know it happened in Seattle once but never in Las Vegas,

[00:30:34.98] spk_1:
right? Not for Las Vegas only in Seattle. But what what happens in Seattle stays in Seattle so we don’t talk about but you get what I’m saying. So that’s just one example. But there’s so many examples around and also just you know, another one is that executives and in all of our lives, most people are talking about what they don’t want to have happen. We spend an awful lot of time talking about what we don’t want. I don’t want us to screw up. I don’t want us to miss the deadline, I don’t want us to do. And most people are always talking about what they don’t want. And to me that’s language in the off position. Talking about what you don’t want. Powerful inspired conscious leaders are talking about what they want. They’re actually speaking their possibility into the world. They’re inviting people to go where they want to. But that’s what a leader is is to lead us towards where we want to go together instead of talking about what we don’t want. Most people are talking about what we don’t want. We’re coaching executives to talk about what they do want

[00:31:20.53] spk_0:
10 years ago I I asked you what what it was that what was the number one thing that distinguished those who are successful from those who were not successful and I’m gonna ask the same thing, not as a quiz, but I’m just curious if if over time this this may have evolved because you’ve done hundreds of interviews since we talked 10 years ago um what what do you think is the number one thing that uh distinguishes those who are successful from those who are who are not,

[00:33:02.23] spk_1:
I’m remembering our conversation from 10 years ago. Uh I’m remembering that question and I’m remembering the answer that I gave them so I’ll give the answer I gave them and then see if a new one pops up now. But the answer I gave up then was when you asked me what separates those who achieve from those who do not. My answer back then was based on an interview that I had with the president of coca cola Donald Keogh who was arguably the most successful uh Ceo in the world with one of the most recognizable brands in the world. And I asked him that question and I said you know, Mr Keogh what separates those who achieve from those who do not? And like many of the guests, he looked at me and said well eric what do you think it is before, before he’d answer he’d asked me and then I’m thinking well it’s having a vision uh finishing what you start having good communication skills rattled off a few answers and he goes oh those are all part of the soup that you know makes it all possible but what I think and then again just the most powerful recognizable uh ceo of in the world at that time one of them looked at me and he said eric what separates those who achieve from those who do not is in direct proportion to one’s ability to ask others for help. We think asking for help is a sign of weakness and it’s actually a sign of strength and that our vulnerability and willingness to learn and enroll people into a vision is what makes visions come true.

[00:34:39.04] spk_0:
It’s time for a break. Fourth dimension technologies I. T. Infra in a box. It’s the I. T. Buffet. You remember this, you choose what you need, what fits in your budget and you leave the rest on the buffet line, in the crushed ice like multi factor authentication, firewall, additional security beyond the firewall help desk an I. T. Assessment with their I. T. Info in a box. You choose what’s appropriate for your org. The info is on the listener landing page at tony-dot-M.A.-slash-Pursuant to mention deeper. Let’s return to wake up excited. Go to bed fulfilled. That is what you said 10 years ago I’ve remembered it, I’ve used it from time to time and you brought vulnerability into I I absolutely agree that vulnerability in a leader is a sign of strength, a sign of confidence that they’re willing to expose themselves and perhaps their organization’s vulnerability to others, rather than wrapping up tight and appearing invincible and all knowing, which is which is an uh an unachievable state. Um so has it has it evolved you do you feel now that was Mr Keough’s answer and you adopted it? Do you think it’s it’s changed you do you personally see something different through all the through all these through this decade? Since

[00:35:02.88] spk_1:
you know, I think now what I think, I think that is, no doubt, I think you just said some really great things that want me asking for help is great. I think vulnerability. I think we wanna we wanna follow people who are accessible, approachable that they’re that I I can relate to them.

[00:35:23.74] spk_0:
I think that yeah

[00:36:28.08] spk_1:
and and yeah, I was I was with somebody yesterday who was talking about his executive teams and he’s like man, I love those people, I would do anything for him. I wanna, you know, and it was that and I know why they want to do that is because the people there are right there with them. They’re not better than they’re willing to do the work. They’re willing to get dirty with them. They’re willing to admit their own foibles and their own mistakes and they’re willing to and I think creating a culture of vulnerability like that breeds more vulnerability, it inspires more vulnerability and it creates community. Um I think my answer now uh what separates, those who achieve from those who do not now are leaders that genuinely care about the people they’re serving? Make really care, care about your health, your vitality, your wellness, your happiness. Uh and really yeah, are willing to listen. I guess that would be that, I guess that that’s my answer. People, what separates those who achieve from those who do not is one’s ability to listen well

[00:37:06.82] spk_0:
and then you’ll hear people’s uh you’re you’re here, you’re here, you’ll hear other people’s vulnerabilities, other people’s needs. And I think the genuine excelling leader, can I want to say something strong that accommodate can can support those, support those needs here. Those vulnerabilities work with them, help people uh excel in their strengths and build up their build up their weaknesses, their weak areas. And

[00:39:07.04] spk_1:
and as a guy who studies communication, I think there’s three things that want to happen in every communication exchange with someone that people want to be number one, they want to be seen two, they want to be heard and three they want to be appreciated. And if we can do those three things in any communication exchange, we’re winning. And I think being a good listener enables that to happen, I get a chance to really see somebody and we talked about being present, and that’s a big one just being able to be with people be with people wherever they are looking in the eyes, being able to have empathy and compassion and and understanding and really hear people hear people’s stories even the ones that are different than yours even with people that that you disagree with, can you still listen and hear them and let them so be able to be seen So you get a chance to really listen and hear them heard. You get to really take in what they’re saying. Even if you don’t agree, even if you don’t think it’s the right path, even if you’re not into it but still give people dignity and respect for sharing and then appreciate them, value them, understand them, be grateful for them. And then even if it’s like as a leader people come and tell me, oh you know here’s a great idea then you know, it may not be the idea that I think is the right time at this moment and here’s another you know, great distinction that people are using right about communication distinctions around language, most people use the word. But a lot if you go and study people right now a lot of people are using the word but and they’re using the word but all the time even when they’re comparing two ideas they actually believe in. And so for me, most people that are leading right now when I talk about language being off putting some leaders gonna hear somebody’s great idea that they think is awesome and they’re gonna go yeah, yeah, yeah. But and then they’re gonna pivot all that does is diminish what that person just said, shut them down and make it feel like they’re not as important. And now let me tell you what I think is important. The whole idea of improvisational comedy. It’s based on the principle yes and

[00:39:20.78] spk_0:
yes

[00:40:30.80] spk_1:
and way better than no, but most people out there are no buts if you’re a nobody and you’re listening to this right now, I invite you to give up No, but and start becoming a yes and it doesn’t cost you anything and it’s more inclusive. It’s more honoring and it builds community. No, but just does the opposite. So if I listen to somebody pitched an idea to me, that’s not really what I think is the right time for me. I’m gonna be like, wow, that’s fascinating. And and then I’m gonna pivot versus no. But let me tell you what my ideas and and you talked about humility. We talked about vulnerability. Another thing of humility, right? That goes with asking for help. But it’s also just willingness to, to not always have all the answers. We don’t have to pretend that we have all the answers. And so for us, uh being humble, somebody pitches me an idea and I don’t think it’s a great idea at the time that they pitch it. But two weeks from now their idea could come into full focus and it was a great idea. One of my guiding principles. I like to play with is uh I like to remind myself this phrase could be good, could be bad too early to tell.

[00:40:35.94] spk_0:
It’s it’s open minded, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s possibility

[00:40:39.65] spk_1:
related.

[00:40:46.82] spk_0:
There’s something that could be, it could be fantastic, but you know, we just don’t know yet. I

[00:40:47.21] spk_1:
dare say Living in Wonder,

[00:41:24.10] spk_0:
let’s talk about what a beautiful I want to talk about the book. Live in wonder. Quests quotes and questions to jump start your journey first. Just reading the title, I happen to love alliteration. Uh this show I have Tony’s take to uh if you get jargon e we have jargon jail. I love alliteration. You’re not, you’re not a jargon. I’m not worried about that at all for you. But I do put folks occasionally in jargon jail. I love alliteration. So, quest quotes and questions to jump start your journey. That’s a great subtitle of the book for me. Um live in wonder what, what I know the book is available at eric Sapperstein dot com. But what are gonna be? What are people gonna learn about, livin wonder these handwritten pages, What are we gonna get?

[00:42:32.94] spk_1:
Uh thank you so much. You put people in jargon jail. I’ve been really blessed my neighbors, Woody Harrelson and we spend a lot of time doing all kinds of fun shenanigans and he’s one of the funniest and smartest people I know and he’s an incredible storyteller and a phenomenal joke teller and it’s a privilege to be around him and our friends and they’re always cracking jokes and telling great stories and it’s, it’s, it it’s almost nerve wracking to be around such high quality, um, uh, presenters and performers. The image I have is when I was, you know, jumping, jumping rope, there’s like, you know that rhythm, there’s a rope and everyone’s talking and sharing a joke and then, and then it’s going and then all of a sudden, you know, I want to tell a joke and then kind of jump in and if I tell a good joke, you know, the ropes still going and you know, and I didn’t miss a beat. Other times you jump in and all of a sudden joke doesn’t really go well and then everyone kind of just like, you know, it’s so, it’s so loud in a room like that because everyone is so good at telling jokes. So it’s just like, and then all of a sudden you put people in jargon jail, would he likes to put people in joke probation. All of a sudden he looks and I get there, it’s like eric joke probation and all of a sudden I’m, you know, I get joke probation a lot.

[00:43:00.55] spk_0:
Yeah,

[00:43:13.04] spk_1:
sometimes, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s it’s a high risk game, but you know, for the times, you know, it’s like being a professional baseball player, you strike out a lot, but every once in a while, you know, you hit the ball and people, people invite you back to dinner, you

[00:43:13.77] spk_0:
can offer woody joke jail.

[00:51:26.51] spk_1:
Well I thought, you know, my favorite thing is to put him, he’s so good at it. And every once in a while he flubs and I get to all of a sudden go, oh joke probation for you. And uh, it’s, it’s really fun. It’s uh, one of the things that, one of the principles that, that I’ve really come to live by is a rising tide lifts all boats and being around, you know, I live on a farm now, uh, with uh, a bunch of people that, that live on the farm, we have 280 acres out here and it’s just extraordinary. I do. And, and, and just being in community has taught me so much. I, I grew up in a condo in san Diego and and moved to Atlanta and I’ve lived in venice beach California and I’ve, I’ve been relatively isolated even though I’ve been, you know, popular created things. I’ve lived in big cities where you know, I might know a neighbor or two, but for the most part, I’ve, I’ve, you know, been been more independent now. I live in a place where I am with people and that has been another big growth for me is 2-1 live where we’re planting food uh, in feeding people and eating food from the land and learning about sustainability and regeneration and soil and uh some really healthy practices and what it’s like to, to be in community and and how communities as well as organizations and not for profits and families thrive is by contribution. We become a society of consumers. Most people like to take, you know, what’s in it for me. And really thriving communities, thriving organizations, thriving families are, are, are shifting that they’re upping the language and elevating the story to instead of what’s in it for me, they’re asking themselves, hey, how can I contribute? How can I make this better? What can I do to provide value? And that has been a secret sauce for sure. To answer your question about the book live and wonder, uh, that came, that came to me because of my travels. I was um, I didn’t have it early on when you met me. I was really um, coming off of meeting all these extraordinary people and getting invited to give speeches for Nike and coke and general mills and ups and ADP and United Way and all these. And I was doing opening and closing keynotes in front of, you know, big audiences and I was, I think one of my, my talents is that, you know, I can look at everyone that I’ve interviewed and I can tell you at least one, probably two or three lessons that that person taught me and I could go give a speech and I can interview the executives of a company, find out what values are important to them going in my arsenal of stories of people who have met and then shuffle the deck, pull out a picture of this person and a picture of this person and a picture of this person and then that’s my speech. I can share these really great stories that will relate to the organizational culture and inspire them to even do better when I would be done with these speeches. Uh, you know, the audience would be really gracious and um, they would, they would engage in questions with me and they would, you know, ask me different things about the movie or what I shared about what not. And every once in awhile there’d be somebody who would raise their hand and and say, hey eric, you know, I really get that you’re, you know, you did this cool thing, you met all these cool people and you’re able to share all these great stories and lessons from leadership lessons and communication distinctions from all these wise people that you’ve met and you’re doing a great job of it And I loved it and I’m just curious, you got to go on this adventure and you did something that most people never get to do and you got access to all these big brains, uh, an extraordinary people. What did you deduce that was, that was the commonality. I, I know that you can tell me a story about jimmy carter when you met Spike lee or whoever it is, but I want to know what, what did you learn and for years I would be up there going, you know what, I don’t know that I have that answers yet. And it was a little awkward because I wanted to have an answer, but I didn’t have it. And it took about six or seven years after the journey. There’s a great, there’s a great line by Khalil, the poet, Khalil Gibran, who said as the mountain to the climber is clearest from the plane, as the mountain to the climber is clearest from the plane. What that means to me is that when I was on the mountain traveling, all I could see was what was in front of me. And I only had the perspective of what was in my immediate surroundings and things became clear when I got to leave the mountain and be on the plane and look back up and see where I traveled. And I think that’s for all of us, we get a chance to, you know, in the moment, we can only do the best we can in the moment. A lot of wisdom, A lot of clarity, A lot of understanding comes after the experience is over then we get a chance to kind of look back at where we traveled. Then that’s where we get to deduce some really great takeaways. And so for me it took a while, it took me six years of being on the plane, look back at the mountain and then all of a sudden I was on a surf trip to Costa rica and I had an epiphany and the epiphany was that the thing, the greatest commonality, the greatest, aha. The thing that all these extraordinary people, whether they were a world renowned architect, a world renowned horse trainer, they were a president of the United States, they were a ceo that took an idea from a garage to being super successful. The common out or a rock star, all the commonalities that these folks had in common. The number one thing is that they still were excited and open and willing and innovative and exploratory about life. They were just willing to like they, they showed up in a meeting and they’re like, I don’t know, let’s try that, Let’s figure this out. What do you think? And it was just, it was this big light bulb that went on going, wow, there is this idea that we were all born with a sense of wonder. It’s the thing that is our life force. People who live and wonder have their light turned on and it’s bright and we like to be around those people, it’s contagious, it’s uplifting. It’s inspiring to be around people that are still learning and growing and then there’s a whole bunch of other people who are like, know it alls and let me tell you how that’s not gonna work and you know, that’s never gonna happen and blah blah blah and they’re talking even that what I’m saying, the example I just gave those are people talking about what they don’t want, it’s never gonna happen. It’s not gonna work. Those are people talking about what they don’t want. It’s the negative part versus talking about, hey, I’m not, I’m not coming from some fairy dust land, making anything, making a movie, writing a book, doing a speech. It takes work. And it’s not like I just get to go poof just because I’m using inspiring language, things happen, man, it’s still hard. I get to go into a meeting instead of going, this isn’t gonna work. I can go into a meeting and say, hey, you guys are all very smart, can you all look at this idea and share with me anything that you think might be in the way of our success and then we get to explore those things that might be in the ways that we can turn those into the on position. But instead of going, oh, that’s not gonna work. And let me tell you why it’s not gonna work or people that go into a meeting and say, you know what, yeah, you know what the problem is, I don’t care about what the problem is, I want to know what the solution is and let’s figure it out and then maybe we won’t even, maybe not even work, but at least we’re focused on the solution. And then if we discover it’s not it it’ll reveal something else that will take us on another adventure that will bring us closer to the thing we want. Anyway, so this whole idea about wonder is that the people who are waking up excited and going to bed fulfilled are people who are living in wonder. And wonder. The thing about wonder is that it’s not something that needs to be taught. It just needs to be remembered.

[00:51:29.57] spk_0:
We

[00:52:03.96] spk_1:
just have to get quiet enough to remember what it was like when the world didn’t take away our joy. We got to reclaim our power instead of, you know, all the cynics and all the people that said, you couldn’t do it for all the people that were mean spirited and all the people that hurt our feelings. Just be able to go, okay, well I’m not gonna let you win. I’m going to reclaim that sense of wonder. I’m gonna go back out in nature and I’m gonna sit and look at the sunset or I’m gonna go look at the birds or I’m gonna go look at a stream going by and remember how magnificent this place is. I’m gonna stand up. I’m gonna just right now, I’m gonna stand up and put my arms up in the air and lean back a little bit and go woo and remember that I’m floating on a ball that’s rotating through space. Right now.

[00:52:17.40] spk_0:
We are

[00:52:18.13] spk_1:
sitting on a ball rotating through space and we’re, it’s incredible. Or that even right now, you and I are talking through zoom technology. This is crazy. I can see you, you can see me, you’re in, you’re in the Carolinas. I’m in Maui hawaii and we’re having this conversation. This is incredible.

[00:52:35.44] spk_0:
I like to think

[00:52:36.15] spk_1:
about, man. I, I send a piece of mail to somebody and all of a sudden within a couple of days or weeks it arrives somewhere. That’s incredible

[00:52:46.16] spk_0:
to get on a

[00:52:46.60] spk_1:
plane and space for

[00:54:21.28] spk_0:
55 cents for 55 cents. That piece of mail. It’s time for Tony’s take two, 18 reasons why bequests are the place to launch your planned giving program. It’s on the blog at planned giving accelerator dot com. Uh, give you a couple of them. There are 18 of them in the article. Like the one that says, bequests are the most popular big planned gift by far, um, that you don’t have to educate your donors, that you don’t have to educate your staff. That these gifts by will charitable bequests will build your endowment. So there’s five of the 18, 5, 5/18, whatever that fraction. You can’t reduce that fraction down, but 5/18. All right. You think I would give you an even third, right? Your listeners, you deserve, you deserve 33%. So let’s go with number six out of 18 deeper donor relationships. There’s a third of them. That third and the other two thirds you will find on the blog uh planned giving accelerator dot com. You click blog. That’s how you get to the blog. Of course. So I hope you check that out for the 18 reasons. And that is Tony’s take two. We’ve got boo koo, even more than boo koo this week, but loads more time for wake up, excited. Go to bed fulfilled with eric Sapper stone.

[00:57:00.94] spk_1:
I think one of the things about wonder a close if you want to get access to wonder in your life, really start pushing and leaning in, not pushing, but leaning into more gratitude. Being grateful, Being grateful for being grateful for all. Being grateful for technology, being grateful for your friends, being grateful for your wife, being grateful for your husband. Being grateful for your employment, Being grateful to be of service, Being grateful that you have all four arms and legs that you can use. Be grateful for your ability to communicate, Be grateful, be grateful for it. All gratitude brings direct access to a sense of wonder. A sense of a sense of marvel. A sense of astonishment. So you ask what the what the book will do. So the book came out of this epiphany of going, okay. I just realized that the people that are extraordinary in this world have maintained, celebrated and share their sense of wonder with each with each other in the world and that’s powerful. And then I realized, oh my gosh, I now have a responsibility. I just I went on this quest, I went on this adventure, I went to the top of the hill, I figured out this idea of, wow Wonder is something I went and checked in. I went back and interviewed my guests and checked in because I didn’t, if I go back through all the transcripts, there wasn’t wonder really talked about one, because I didn’t have that in my lexicon to even talk about it and to and this is the real fascinating part is that the people that I were, the people that I was interviewing, they didn’t bring up wonder because it wasn’t a success strategy, it was who they were being. Mhm. They weren’t using wonder as a way to be successful, they were just being wondrous. That’s just innately who they were. And it was just how they rolled through the world. And then I got to go back and check and I remember talking to um steven Tyler from, you know, the band Aerosmith and I, and I leaned into his ear and I and I said, you know, uh you know, I’m just curious, you know, I’m exploring the idea the idea of the important role wonder plays in all of our lives and he looked around and and just looked back at me and uh with sparkly highs and just said, oh I could write a whole book about that and it is true. And I went and talked to all these incredible people and they said, oh my gosh, you’re right. Eric wonder has been a major part of who I am in the world. I thank you because I didn’t even think about that as part of my thing. It’s just who I am being and my invitation is definitely to, to to to to reclaim your sense of wonder so that you can attract more wondrous people in your life.

[00:57:50.05] spk_0:
I’d like to give you a chance to drop some more names so that folks have an even wider, you’ve already talked about jerry, Garcia and steven Tyler and jimmy carter uh and Henry Winkler. Uh I’d like folks to get a sense of, you know, your of your the breath of your, breath, of your your your interviews, your your folks that you’ve we’ve tapped the minds of

[00:58:08.64] spk_1:
uh let’s see, I just interviewed Daniel Pink, who was an amazing author, he was a speechwriter for Al Gore with left Politics and then started writing really incredible books. He wrote a book called dr he’s got a new book out um around regret. He’s very powerful. Just interviewed him. Just interviewed Pat Simmons from, from the band, the Doobie Brothers. That was great. He’s the guy that wrote, oh Black Water, keep on,

[00:58:24.11] spk_0:
keep on shining on black, Okay,

[00:58:27.66] spk_1:
yes, drop a

[00:58:28.85] spk_0:
couple more drop a couple more.

[00:58:55.48] spk_1:
I well, I just I just interviewed him, just so you know, I just interviewed him. He was just inducted into the Music Hall of Fame. They were just on their 50th anniversary tour. And uh and I asked Pat Simmons, I said uh what are three things you’ve learned about songwriting? And Pat said three things I’ve learned about songwriting, Number one, uh keep it simple, Number two, uh write about what, you know, your own experience, basically. And number three, don’t bore us get to the chorus.

[00:59:06.61] spk_0:
Mhm,

[00:59:09.42] spk_1:
brilliant. Okay, who else? Who else have I interviewed?

[00:59:13.57] spk_0:
Uh

[00:59:31.87] spk_1:
we interviewed, just interviewed Diana Nyad, who’s a world record swimmer. She’s incredible. Um And let’s see, I’ve interviewed the founder of the Ritz Carlton. I’ve interviewed the chairman of UPS. I’ve interviewed um oh yeah, how

[00:59:40.99] spk_0:
about going back, going back to uh your your your four years in the van comes to mind there. I know jimmy carter was part of that, part of that cadre,

[01:03:03.23] spk_1:
jimmy, jimmy carter was incredible. I interviewed uh back then Governor Ann Richards, who was incredible from texas. I interviewed ken Keesey, who wrote one flew over the cuckoo’s nest and merry prankster. I interviewed Billy frank Jr, the head of the indian Fisheries Commission. I interviewed hazel Wolf, who was a 98 year old environmental activist poet, Maya Angelou. Um yeah, that’s a pretty good. It’s been incredible. I’ve interviewed so many people and and those are all iconic names, you know? But I’ve also interviewed farmers and I’ve interviewed teachers and I’ve interviewed a lot of people that you’ve never heard of. Um and uh yeah, and and I and I also interviewed, you know, thousands of young people when I was on my journey. The whole premise of the journey film was to bridge a gap between young people and elders. So I interviewed all kinds of young people from all you know, every area of life and would would interview them and ask them what they were struggling with and then figure out, you know, what that was. And then I’d go to the top of the food chain and go, hey, my this is something my friends are struggling with. Do you have an answer for that? And that’s how we bridge the gap between those that want to learn and those that want to teach. I don’t think I fully answered your question about the book. You know, you’re you’re saying what what what does the reader get from the living Wonder book? You know, what the what the reader gets one the epiphany of of living Wonder that that was that that was the origins of why I felt inspired to write the book. And then the book is about the reader and you know, less about me, more about the other as one of my principles and it was the books less about me more about the other, more about the reader. I tell you a little bit about my story in the beginning. Uh it’s quest quotes and questions to jump start your journey. The quest part of the living wonder book is I realized that I could write I can write a book about my story in my life and all that I learned and that’s cool or I can write a book that is less about me more about the other. And it gives people who read the book a chance to take their own journey. And that was more compelling to me. Instead of me writing and telling you about my journey, I wanted to inspire people to take their own journey. And so the book, the opening part of the quest is for anyone that’s reading the book to pick five people in their life That are people that they respect and admire and are looking at that person’s life going man, I want more of that you know and and it could be anything, it could be, I just got married and I’m newly wed and you know bill and Nancy Schmidt down the road have been married for 60 years and they’re cute as a button and I want somebody to write that person’s name down and then go interview that person. Have you and your couple go interview that wise person to find out the values they live by the struggles they’ve endured and what advice and counsel they give you to better prepare yourself to model their behavior if you want to become a ceo go interview Five C. E. O. S. And I wouldn’t just go interview anybody. I’d go interview really successful. Happy uplifting whatever it is that you want to emulate and go talk to them if you want to build a boat go talk to boat builders whatever it is, still pick five people in your life that you admire and respect that you want more of. And instead of sitting back coming up with you know I can’t do it. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t have the credentials I’m not sure blah blah blah blah. Be more empowered and go look this is what I

[01:03:20.92] spk_0:
want. I’m

[01:04:33.03] spk_1:
not sure how to get there. I’ve never done it before. Okay I’m gonna go look in my world whether it could be your neighbor or somebody famous doesn’t matter to me. Pick five people in your life that you want more of that in your world and have the courage to ask him out for a cup of coffee and learn. And so that’s the first part is that everyone gets a chance to pick people in life that they admire. That’s the quest. The quotes are all these quotes that I’ve used to keep my own heart and mind open. So so I shared those quotes. They’re really inspiring and uplifting to people and then the third part is the questions and they’re all they’re all the questions that I used to interview my guests? So you can use those same questions to interview somebody or you can come up with your own people use the book to actually go do all kinds of amazing things that we’ve gotten stories from all around the world where people actually go take the book, they pick somebody, they say I just got this book, they go interview that person and their life changes. It’s been phenomenal and it’s been uh it’s been a really a pleasure to have written a book that has impacted so many people. So I if it’s something that’s, that’s calling to anybody that’s listening, it’s it’s a yeah, it’s it’s it’s it’s based similar to my movie. It’s based on the principle to know the Road ahead. Ask those coming back then anything you want to learn about, anything is an inspired conversation and a cup of coffee away

[01:04:59.93] spk_0:
and it’s it’s jump start your journey. I mean, you had the journey, you had the journey of the film, you had your journey, its quest quotes and questions to jump start your journey. Could you, could you share one of

[01:05:06.56] spk_1:
your, that’s me, that’s me using that, that’s me using your in a good way. I hope your

[01:05:09.02] spk_0:
journey. What’s what’s one of your quotes? You you have a bunch of, you said you have a number of quotes that you live by. Can you share one of your quotes with us?

[01:05:22.40] spk_1:
Uh You want you want a personal quote that I’ve written or a quote from the book. Which one are you asking?

[01:05:27.75] spk_0:
Oh well, I was looking for one from the book.

[01:05:30.96] spk_1:
Those

[01:05:31.74] spk_0:
are personal. Those are personal quotes though, aren’t they in the book?

[01:05:34.74] spk_1:
No, those are quotes from people

[01:05:36.98] spk_0:
from other people that you’ve you’ve used. Okay, uh Can you share I want I want folks to be inspired about the book, share a quote. Can you share a quote from the book?

[01:05:47.45] spk_1:
I can hear. Let me uh

[01:06:00.66] spk_0:
Okay, well while you do that, because I put you on the spot now, you gotta go actually, he’s going to his book. What what better source for quotes from the book than than the book. And uh we go ahead.

[01:06:21.97] spk_1:
Yeah, I’m thinking about which uh I think this is this is my favorite. I think this has to do with uh one of the things that I learned on the journey is

[01:06:25.05] spk_0:
how

[01:09:11.47] spk_1:
important it is to be yourself. And that most people uh that’s that’s a challenge. Most most people are so highly influenced by other people’s impression of who they are, that they would sell out their sense of wonder, their authenticity, their sense of adventure, all kinds of things to conform uh to what other people think and the people who get up excited. Go to bed fulfilled. Live extraordinary lives are more committed to their principles. They’re more committed to their values. They’re more committed to who they are and what they say they’re going to do in this world and they can’t please everybody. It’s one of the common things that there’s no doubt you cannot please everybody. And when I set off to travel the country in my van selling grilled cheese sandwiches and asking that I was gonna call up people and take them out for coffee for a long time. I had to be ostracized and judged and uh ridiculed and had to endure people’s uh projection onto me. It wasn’t, doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel good to be to have that happen. And if I allowed myself esteemed to be contingent upon what other people thought of me, I’m done. And so, having the courage to speak, my possibility into the world is something that I invite everybody to have. It’s it’s to be able to just be you unapologetically and to trust the process being you. And this is one of my favorite, this is how we opened the book. Um there’s an author, super uber successful author, Dr Wayne dyer, who, that was another one of my interviews. Uh I came out to visit him. He lived here in Maui and uh, I came out to visit him and then I ended up staying uh and moving from venice beach to Maui after that visit. But he’s extraordinary. He passed away, but he was extraordinary. And he said this about Oprah Winfrey and this is how I open up the living wonder book. Uh many years ago, Oprah Winfrey was interviewed about her life many years ago, Oprah Winfrey was interviewed about her life and asked whether she had known that she would become one of the most powerful women in the world. She explained to the reporter that when she was a little girl, someone asked her what she wanted to do with her life. She answered by saying that she didn’t know, she just liked talking to people. The person quickly retorted, well, you can’t make a living doing that.

[01:09:40.75] spk_0:
We can learn a lot from the negative, the negative, the down the deputy downers uh, around us and to uh ignore them and and move ahead with our own journeys. Uh you know, you you seem to like three’s what what is this series? Three things.

[01:11:12.59] spk_1:
Three things, you know, after somebody who has interviewed people for the majority of my my life and certainly my my career and had made a movie, you know, I would interview people and spend days interviewing them and then have to go back and watch all that footage. I was looking for a way to to capture the living oral history of extraordinary people and do it in a succinct and refreshing way. And what we came up with was This idea of three things and I didn’t realize that at the time it was really, again, a real, just organic unfolding. I’m a storyteller and I study stories and I asked people to share their stories and I think about the basic tenants of storytelling, the basic tenants of storytelling is a set up, a conflict resolution, a beginning, a middle and an end. And if we adhere to that structure, we’re telling a good story and knowing that I thought, well why don’t I help that along? I’ll ask people to share with me a three things question so that they frame it with, here’s number one, here’s number two, and here’s number three. And it turns out that that is a magical formula that we are able to tap into some of the most iconic minds and ask them what their three things are and they nail it out of the park and they share three incredible insightful messages and they’re sticky and they’re powerful and they’re

[01:11:34.19] spk_0:
uplifting

[01:11:59.89] spk_1:
and that’s what we’ve created. So we’ve created a new series called Three things uh, with eric’s Apperson and I’m interviewing iconic legends and uh, we’re, we’re capturing that now and we’re cataloging a whole bunch of those. And I think we’re gonna begin releasing those, uh, in early 2023. So many folks are uh, uh, you know what, right now, we’re in negotiations with a few folks uh, with some agents and managers to figure out the the outlet of where it’s going to ultimately be, what I’d like to do is if anybody has been inspired by what’s happening today in our chat and we want to be connected to the three things series to come to eric Sapper Stone dot com and sign up for our newsletter. Our fans will get it first.

[01:12:27.88] spk_0:
Okay, okay. And the reason I say you, you seem to like three things threes because you have the series, three things I asked you had to live in one house, you have to wake up excited and go to bed fulfilled. And you cited three things, you have a game called, Three things

[01:12:42.86] spk_1:
you

[01:12:53.05] spk_0:
want, you want, you want to tease the game, This is all at uh eric Sapperstein dot com or, and, or Live in Wonder dot com. But I, I connected connected to the game from this Eric Sapperstein site, but I think it goes over to living wonder but a game called three things and then, and then we’ll wrap it up. What’s the three things

[01:13:22.96] spk_1:
That you’ve been so sweet? I’m so, I’m so grateful to be asked to be on the podcast with you. I’m grateful for our friendship. I’m grateful that we got a chance to meet 10 years ago and that we get to still be in relationship and check in with each other now and you know, thank you for including me into your world and uh, one of my favorite sayings is when you drink the water. Uh, remember who dug the well, so thank you for digging such a huge well and being of service to so many organizations. Uh, tony You’re, you’re, you’re a bright light in this world.

[01:14:26.68] spk_0:
That’s very thoughtful. Thank you. And uh, to give you back some of a phrase that you used, I think you are contagious, uplifting and inspiring is Erik Sabiston. Alright, so you can learn about the series. Three things for that. You go to ERic Sapperstein dot com. Uh, the book Live in Wonder quests, quotes and questions to jump start your journey. Also, ERic Sapperstein dot com for the game. Three things I believe that’s at Living Wonder dot com, but you can get to one from the other, uh, the movie, the journey. That’s at eric Sapperstein dot com. I believe you gotta get the DVD the journey. So, eric what a pleasure to be connected for all these years and to uh, Have another and even much longer conversation than than our 10 or 12 minutes we did in uh, in 2012 is a real joy. Real pleasure. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for what you’re doing. Thank you for sharing yourself your ideas. Thank you.

[01:14:42.03] spk_1:
Thank you. Thank you. Um, uh, let’s not wait another 10 years for us to connect.

[01:14:47.88] spk_0:
No, well not you’ll, you’ll be on, you’ll I’ll have you back because I think people are gonna enjoy hearing from you.

[01:15:33.22] spk_1:
Well what if you know if anybody out there, anybody that’s been listening. Thank you so much. Thank you for the role you play uh in the nonprofit world, I think you are champions uh and uh light workers and uh change agents. And I just I I applaud all y’all just thank you for for for contributing and and making the world a better place. And if there’s anything I can ever do, whether it be uh coaching uh you or coaching your executives or giving a virtual talk or a a talk in person to your organization, uh please call on me and I’d love to help and be a part of your journey.

[01:15:46.44] spk_0:
Erik Sabiston at Erik Sabiston and eric Sapperstein dot com next

[01:15:46.85] spk_1:
week.

[01:16:44.06] spk_0:
I’m working on it. I promise I won’t let you down if you missed any part of this week’s show, I beseech you find it at tony-martignetti dot com. We’re sponsored by turn to communications pr and content for nonprofits. Your story is their mission turn hyphen two dot c o. And by fourth dimension technologies I. T. Infra in a box, the affordable tech solution for nonprofits. tony-dot-M.A.-slash-Pursuant four D. Just like three D. But you know, they go one dimension deeper. Our creative producer is claire Meyerhoff shows social media is by Susan Chavez. Mark Silverman is our web guy and this great music is by scott stein, Thank you for that. Affirmation Scotty B with me next week for nonprofit radio big nonprofit ideas for the other 95 go out and be great