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Nonprofit Radio for November 16, 2018: Asking Styles

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Brian Saber: Asking Styles
In fundraising solicitations, one size does not fit all. There are different styles and personalities. Brian Saber sorts them out to make you a comfortable, confident and effective fundraiser, based on what you bring to the process. He’s the author of the book, “Asking Styles.”





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Hello and welcome to tony martignetti non-profit radio big non-profit ideas for the other ninety five percent. I’m your aptly named host. Oh, feels so good to be back in the studio after six seven weeks away and i’m glad you’re with me. I’d be forced to endure buba analgesia if you paint me with the idea that you missed today’s show asking styles in fund-raising solicitations, one size does not fit all. There were different styles and personalities. Brian sabers sorts them out to make you a comfortable, confident and effective fundraiser based on what you bring to the process. He’s the author of the book asking styles i’m tony. Take to my farewell. We’re sponsored by pursuing full service fund-raising data driven and technology enabled tony dahna slash pursuant by wagner. Sepa is guiding you beyond the numbers. Regular cps dot com by tell us turning credit card processing into your passive revenue stream. Tony dahna slash tony tell us on by text to give mobile donations made easy text. Npr to four four four nine nine nine what a pleasure to welcome brian sabre to the studio he has personally solicited thousands of donors as a director of development executive director and consultant over thirty years. Working with non-profits, he needs training programs and speaks nationally about asking styles to help people understand and embrace their unique strengths. As fundraisers. You’ll find him at asking matters dot com and he’s at brian saber. He’s a kindred spirit. We’re going to find out what that’s all about. His book is asking styles revolutionize your fund-raising. And i’m so glad to welcome him. Brian. Welcome to the show. Well, thank you, tony, for having onto the studio my pleasure. A little closer to the mike, the internet. Intimate with that thing. Okay. All right. Now, back in two thousand eleven, almost almost to the day was the november of two thousand eleven. Seven years ago, i had andrea kill stayed on. We talked about asking stiles. Um what? What? What’s happened? What’s evolved since then? Seven. In these seven years. Seven years? A lot. When andrea was on in twenty eleven, we had been quote live for about a year and meaning the asking matters site had been up and we had been promoting the asking styles. And so now we’ve had another seven years to delve into all of this material and what the first thing that changed probably about twenty thirteen, i think, is we change the results a little bit. So you might recall from twenty eleven tony that there were something like thirteen results, you could be one style. You could be two styles. You could be three adjacent styles, or you could be all four. And one of the things we found was that it wasn’t giving the staff and volunteers enough direction in terms of what to do, we found that too scattered, too scattered to say you’re all four or guo your these three didn’t give people a framework or a roadmap forward. And so we we actually tinkered with the assessment, and we narrowed it down to eight results. So everyone has a primary style and a secondary style. Okay, so the primary style is really what you lied from in the secondary gives you a sense of which of these two characteristics on the asking style graph is your dominant characteristic, whether it’s your introversion or extra version or your analytic or your intuitive side. And so having that as a guide gives people more to go on, right? So they’re still not locked into a narrow. Did you narrow your focus is that you focus it without saying you’re in this box or you’re in that box. We wanted people to have a little leeway there, because sometimes when you tell people this is exactly what you are, they say, no, that’s not what i am. And we didn’t want that right now. Andrea is no longer with asking styles and asking matters. Well, yes and no. We are no longer partners. I bought her out in twenty thirteen, but she is now. You bought her out. This was not a force. Was this jeff sessions? A kind of buyout? Are you trump out of session? In fact, andrea, i’m your request. I give my resignation and by and let you buy me out cause i get her on the phone. Yeah, i get it. I’ll get to that available. Did she say she’d be waiting by the phone today? Now she’s actually booked, but but all i did inquire are i know no, it’s graphic. She killing to me and said, i know what i think you should take it over. Andrea is one of the foremost creators of incredibly creative, sorry to use that twice ideas and products. She has brought so much terror field and she loves developing new stuff and constantly is doing so. She has endless undertaken to do it. But she said, you know what brian and andrea not go get? She’s a go getter, right? Talk about all the things we’re gonna talk about. All these right? Kindred spirit. Go get it and show you she’s gone. She’s gone and she is no getting rid of years older than me not to say anything to you what a chunk of your mother she is. And she said, you know what, brian? You can run with this for a long time. I’m not going to want to run this business for a long time. I like creating the ideas. I’ve got places to go. Exactly. And she has. She’s created more new things. It’s incredible. So and it actually inmate sent. So yes. So i took it over. And and but andrea is one of the four experts at asking matters. So she is actually still providing content, doing webinars on dh and such. I have a couple of people who have particular expertise is entree is one of them. So we’re still involved ethan and dear friends, ok, yes, i know. I do know, you never ask a question. You don’t know the answer. But now i do that all the time. Lots of questions, i don’t know answers to, um all right, so we’re going to get to all these, uh, all these different personalities, all these different asking styles, all the different styles, but we got a lead into it. So what a premise of the book is that there is no ideal way toe ass. And we’re talking about fund-raising solicitations. They asked the solicitation, that’s what prism. Everybody knows that. But make it explicit. But there’s no one way to do it. There’s no ideal way everybody brings something different we’re going to capitalize on. There’s no set way. That’s the best. There are best practices in the field. Yeah, but so much of it is about personality and relationships, and that means every one of those is going to be different, and you need to bring your true self and you. And that’s another theme throughout the book, all right. Authenticity and want us to be authentic. In our ask absolutely every step of the way. Because otherwise you can’t form a true relationship of the donor. And if you don’t do that, then the gifts they’re just transactional what we want his donors who really care and believe and want to be involved for the long haul. And that’s only gonna happen if they believe they’re having an authentic relationship with with the fundraiser in the organization. And can’t they tell us they tell him? Absolutely, mister, um is corporate, and it’s not your true self right talking to them, i say all the time. If you if you give your board an elevator pitch and expect them all to go out and give that same exact pitch, unless some of them are amazing actors, almost all of them will sound phony, right? You want everyone to talk from his zoho nick’s own experience in his or her own words. And why is this better done in person than any other method? When we’re in person, a level of empathy develops between us that just doesn’t develop some other way. When we’re sitting across from each other and looking in each other’s eyes, we care more about each other. We’re more vested. We want to come through for the other person. So there’s this bond that you just don’t get when you get a letter in the mail or an email or even a phone call. Because that voice khun b disembodied the reason i prefer to have guests in studio that, you know, body language is another one inflexion, you know, so special, you know, like i’m giving you the finger right now. So you know that, you know that it’s not going well. Okay, so we wait. We take a first break. Very good. That’s the figure i’m giving you. This is the one i didn’t say that. Did i say middle fingers that i say hold it. Maybe i’ll forget it. All right. I’m going up. The index finger pursuing they’re e book is fast non-profit growth stealing from the start ups. They take the secrets from the fastest growing startups and applied those startup growth strategies to your non-profit. It’s free as all their resources are. You’re accustomed to that? It’s on the listener landing page. You know where the listener landing pages? You’ve heard me say it repeatedly. Repeatedly. It’s tony dot m a slash pursuant. Remember the capital p for please. Now back to asking styles. All right. S o much better done in person. All the reasons that i prefer to have guests in studio. I mean, i’m happy to have call, but i’m very glad that you were able to make it in from moline, illinois. Att for am or so what demanded it for am work airport? Because we have this huge storm. Yesterday, it was crazy. And i was lucky to get in because when i landed at newark, there were thousands of people sleeping on the floor i couldn’t believe it was doing here. And people still trying to get onto planes at three. Fifteen. And then when we came through chicago, i did, which was its own madness. Yeah. Ok, that’s not a good way. Okay, so, midway, i mean oh, here must have been a madhouse. Also, it wass everything was a madhouse. Yes, everything fell apart. Transportation was yesterday not surprising. I’m glad you made it. Thank you. Checked in to do it by phone, but i considered renting a car. If i couldn’t get out and driving from davenport, iowa, it was it was fourteen hours, and it turns out i would have gotten home about the same time. Really, you could’ve made it a job if you could have got if you couldn’t write. So asking in person is better. But it’s hard. Yes, it is. It is. It is hard. Just feel better about why it’s worth the difficulty that we’re putting in. No one makes their biggest gift by direct mail by phone accufund by special events. If you want someone’s biggest gift, you have to develop a relationship with them. Over time, no one gives their biggest gift right off the bat. It usually comes over time as they get closer to the organization, as they understand the organization better. And and especially in this day and age where i think we’re starved for in person, right, so much is happening electronically. It makes the in person even more special. But it’s virtually none of those names you see at the top of the donor roster or on a building or a room. None of those gifts came from a phone, a thon or direct mail appeal. They came from building these relationships, so and eighty seven percent of all charitable gifts come from individuals, so almost told to give a compliment of it. You include family foundation’s yes, family foundations in there, as well as the individual gifts and the bequests there. And those total up the eighty seven percent. Wow, you did your homework. I read this book, i think. Very good. I’m disappointed that you’re impressed. That here is shocked. I’m disappointed that you’re surprised that she always put together, for god’s sake, i’ve been at the studio for six weeks. Of course, lycan youth rallied for one show. Excellent. It’s all downhill from here for next two months so well and and your subscription on itunes going going down after this week? Yes. So eighty seven percent of all the gifts come from individuals, and the biggest gifts come from asking in person. So if you want to fulfill the vision of your organization, if you want to have the biggest impact your organization can have, you have to go out. But ask individuals in person. But there’s a risk of you might take personal when there’s a rejection. You know how important it is to the organization or you over you over perceive how important it is. It’s life or death. You know, there’s a lot of personal risk in doing it. Face-to-face there certainly is, and depending on our style, more risk than not. Yeah, and i know we’re going to get into that in in a bit. I will share. And i i share with everyone. People think because i have been in thousands of meetings and i’ve raised tons of money and all my organizations have been very successful with the results that i am this stereotype of a fund raiser that i’m something most people can’t be, that i’m slick and confident, and i get in those meetings and i ask for big gifts. And if people push back, i push back. And i i don’t take rejection personally in all of this stuff and and there are might be a few people like that in the field. But i’m not like that. I’ve had all my own issues to grapple with all these years, and i like most people fund-raising not because we think fund-raising is the most exciting, wonderful thing we could ever do in our lives. But because it makes a difference, none of us grow up saying i want to be a fundraiser. I i asked this question every time i train, virtually no one raises their hand. We we we get the bug for doing something good in the world. We care about the arts, education, religion, a medical cause, whatever it is. And then we’re not a doctor or a musician or whatever, but we realize there’s a way that we can help. And that’s by fund-raising, too, so that our organizations have the resource and help musicians and doctors exactly. And social services, social workers. So we most of us come to it in a circuitous fashion. Not because we have some stereotypical skill set that people think of fundraiser has tohave. What we really need to have is the ability to form a relationship which almost all of us do have right. There are some people who’d rather antisocial let’s go about it at different in different ways. Exactly. Think pacers ways different levels of anxiety, etcetera. All right, let’s get i want just one more point. That is that after thousands of solicitations, i still confined it daunting. I can still be anxious. I can still fun for in a meeting and i still take rejection personally, even though i know i’m not supposed to thank you for opening up. I admire that. Thank you. Alright, let’s get into the styles. Now there are two acts. Do you know the plural of access? Because you worked at a c actually. Exactly right. Axes. Now axes. X s has the distinction of being the on ly word in the english language. That is a plural. For three words is the plural for acts a x axe axe e and it’s also the plural for access. Ex maxis, according to read its bona fide. I read it online. So it has to be true. It must be true. Must be true. All right, so let’s get to the axes. All right, listeners, i’m encouraging you, teo. I mean, you could you can go to asking matters dot com and isn’t there? Isn’t the chart there you’ll see? Right? You’ll see the chart. Okay. Don’t go asking matters dot com. You’d go there. But if you if your podcast listening with the vast majority do, uh, just you need a pencil on paper? It helps. It helps. I mean, you can try to visualize it if you insist, but it helps to have a piss peple a piece paper and pencil draw. Draw a vertical drop vertical axis and what we put on the vertical axis we put you. Look, don’t you guys to look? He’s looking at my teaching e. I wrote the book is look at my sheet people less. Well, where you bonem five. Well, where’s andrea? Didn’t you get her in? Get her bath started here. I think you made it. I think you made a blood thing is a big opportunity to buy you out. It’s funny. I was listening to her podcast and she was so articulate about how you lay this out when i need her to come here today and say that i was safe. She is our first date, so you have to drop both axes. Okay. Did you need the x and a y? Ay, right. One’s vertical once horizontal when they intersect. And they do the middle in the middle. Middle. Not like i wouldn’t make a bar chart from the origin that’s called the origins and mental virgin, so above ha sergeant must sign ok on on that y axis is in is extra version and blow the x axis. Is the introvert okay? That’s the vertical estonian. Why access and accept. Right? But, yes, the vertical line has introvert on top and no extra vert extra proton from atop an introvert. You right on the bottom, karaca. And they have the look you’re not okay. And on the horizontal, i’m a visual learner. I think it’s a link in my own material. Looking my own book. Damegreene goodcompany i didn’t bring your book. My copy. Your book. I guess that was a mistake for you. I have one. Okay. If i have to take it out and then on the x axis landing to the left and right of the vertical line, you have thie, analytic and the intuitive. So analytical is on the left. Correct and intuitive goes on the run. Right. Okay. Can i have your two lines and your four words? Right? You do? Okay. S so we know that you were in a couple of spectrum’s now. So which is which? Is this the style that you like that you seem to always start with? Go get her. You seem to know a mission control’s sorry. No, no, no. I’m sorry, rainmaker. I go from top left and i go claim make right, you stop. Rain, right. Go get our kindred spirit control. So in the tommy off here, tony top lefty, i wish you we gotta get gets to know their material. I’m in diamond barrister. You never know. I live in breach of it every single day. No, we wouldn’t. We wouldn’t. Quite right about that. Thank you. Ah, andrea was articulate. E missed that sometime we’ll have parents, so in the upper left, you right, rainmaker, correct on then in the upper right, you write go gets the go getter, correct. And then in the lower right, you write kindred spirit. Yes, you do. That’s you. That is me and you. We think we’ll come back to that. We’ll come back to that. I have an announcement about that. Okay. And in the lower left, your writing mission controller. Correct. Mission controller. Ok, um what is it? Just give us the overview of these. These four, like sure. How do they relate to each other before we get into the individuals? And how do they relate? How are they different? How are they different? Yeah, well, the key difference. The easiest way to think of the difference is through the core question. Each of these styles asks very good when trying to figure out what’s important to me. What’s going to drive me? The rainmaker top left, the analytic extroverted says. What’s the goal? It’s very quantitative. It’s something you can calculate. You know, when you’ve reached it, i’m going to raise a million dollars. I’m going to close ten gifts. I’m going to do glorious golden lorien. Did the ring make goal oriented? Top right? Go get her, go get her asks. What’s the opportunity? Like the rainmaker, the go getter is looking in the future. But the the go getter is looking more globally, less specifically. What is the vision? What is possible? Reduce poverty in right moline, illinois. This khun b so excellently provoc eliminate poverty, eliminate hunger, save the whales. It’s that type of looking vision for the future picture opportunity wise, right? The kindred spirit bottom, right? The intuitive introvert is saying, what moves my heart? What am i feeling? Because the kindred spirits decisions are all personal, they come from the heart and what they’re feeling inside and the mission controller says, and that’s the bottom left. The analytic introvert says, well, what’s the plan, guys? Because it’s okay to have goals and opportunities and a vision and to feel something. But if we don’t have a plan, we’re not going to get there. It needs to make sense. You need to see how you’re going to get from a to b. This is your detail person. Mission controller. What’s our plan for getting as you just said. Okay. Okay. I love that. All right, um, so let’s talk about then. Let’s let’s make it a little personal before we get into the more abstract, you know, planning your your asks, etcetera, etcetera. Dahna. So you’re you’re you’re an avowed kindred spirit. Yes, i now what’s your secondary mission controller? Mission controller. Ok, you went the other way for me. Okay. Okay. Ah, so so it’s a little more, in essence, that’s you since your kindred spirit. And we would you share that dahna say a little more about the kindred spirit. What? Sure. What do you love about it? And what? What? What makes it a challenge for you? Well, i what i love about it well, i’m embracing myself for who i am. Hard right? We all should embrace ourselves for who we are. I think developed developing this stiles has allowed me to embrace myself and be comfortable with who i am is a fundraiser and a person, and to say, you know what? I am feelings oriented. I take things very personally. I have a big heart. I want to help everyone. I want everyone to feel good. I want to be heard. I want to be seen. All of that is very important to me, those relationships and those feelings and on, and that’s what i lead with. And when i developed relationships with donors, they’re very much based on that there, very personal, and they’re very warm. And that’s that has been my avenue to success over the years as much as anything. Building those relationships very personally. Having a mission controller secondary, however, even helpful talking about the one what you have to overcome as way. We have to need to overcome his kindred spirit. What are our challenges? Well, no one loves rejection, and we do face a fair amount of it in fund-raising, or at least the there’s that fear that it will happen. And for kindred spirits, it’s personal, right for others. Okay, i got rejected, but it was about the donor or it was about the system or they didn’t believe in the vision or whatever. When we put ourselves out there and someone and we really believe we do it because we believe our heart is in it and then someone doesn’t want to support it doesn’t agree. It’s very hard for us. Did we do something wrong? That’s so upsetting? They don’t they don’t want to support what i believe in, and i believe in it so much. How can they not believe in it? It’s it. And i was telling this, ah, this room of fundraisers yesterday in davenport, iowa, that no, that yeah, i’m never going to get that past that you’re never going to get past that feeling, right, and you just have to you just have to embrace it. And no matter how hard i try not to make things personal, they are personal. So i have to just say their personal. What can you do that they’re going to be personal? Said earlier. Even though you know that’s not the way to feel about it, right? It still happens, right? And hopefully, just by knowing it. And some would say under overstaffed ing it being ableto look outside myself and say, okay, i can see you’re that way except it and we’ll figure out howto work with that, that it’s much better tham thinking i’m lesser because i take yeah, don’t write not lesser, just it’s fact based. We were not making judgment value judgments here. But you know, there are value judgments in society about that, and i do think kindred spirits are often judged. Introverts are judged to be inferior to extroverts, though there’s so much talk about this recently, and susan kane has this amazing book on it on the power of the introvert rights called quiets. A fantastic book. Quiet, quiet! Yes, the power of the introvert. I think it’s in a world that can’t stop, can’t stop talking something like that. But in fact, introverts or not is highly regarded, right. And i don’t think intuitive czar as highly regarded as is analytics, which is why everyone keeps thinking of the rainmaker, the analytic, extroverted, as something special and better. I think there is a bias in some ways towards and away from various people of different personalities. But we don’t have to take that bias to ourselves. We’re the person we don’t have to well, judge ourselves. Correct. Based on what society probably is judging, we have to block out the noise and believe in ourselves. Let’s move over to the left and you’re the your secondary style is the mission controller. That’s ah s o. That’s the plan that you’re the planner? Yes. How do we get there? So it’s funny. I details. I make lots of lists, and i always think they need to be better organized. And i’m always taking pieces of paper and trying to put them together and make cleaner lists. But i do have lists, and a lot of people don’t have those lists you have. Do you keep a list of all the lists that you have? More or less your deep into? You sure. You sure? Mission control. Your secondary secondary is definitely secondary. It is myself. Yes, but when people need someone to plan something, they often asked me to do it. I end up in charge. I don’t really want to be in charge. The kindred spirit doesn’t want to be in charge, but i know i can do what i have those skills and people need me to do it, and i want to come through for them. So i do it. But i’d be very happy if someone else would do it. What do you need to overcome as the mission controller? One of the challenges for for that? Well, the big challenge is giving up control, being able to go with the flow and not being thrown off when things veer off course, which can often happen in a meeting with a donor, you go in your you’ve got everything planned out. You’ve done your research, you’re going to hit these topics. You’re going to ask the turn to these questions and five minutes in, they take the conversation in a different direction. There could be a curveball or they ask a question you weren’t considering or you find out they have less time than you thought they had or whatever it is. And for the mission controller who’s planned everything out so carefully and meticulously, it’s difficult to tack in another direction. A lot of what you said about, uh, the relationship building and and the personal solicitation comes through in the work i do in planned e-giving. I mean, if those relationships aren’t so, if the donor relationships aren’t solid through the years, then there isn’t going to be a gift in their estate plan. Or there were times that land if you’re if you’re purely transactional in all in all respects, as people are giving to you through the years, and i don’t care whether it’s fifteen dollars a month or five thousand dollars a month or so are five hundred five hundred thousand dollar gift. If you’re treating it as a transaction through the years, then the likelihood of a plan to give being successful plan give scylla station big. Successful is much, much lower. Absolutely plan gifts do sometimes come by non personal asks. I’ve closed lots of charitable gift annuities all through email, so stations and mail and phone calls. But that’s where the relationship was rock solid, exact and the person was never treated transactional, e or if they were, it was rectified and they felt like they had a relationship. It was relational with with the charity. So that’s the big spectrum of, you know, from your monthly sustainers through toe plan gift. The ultimate, the ultimate gift hyre. So i was seven years ago. I was, ah, kindred spirit and a mission. A mission controller. Yes, seven years. November two thousand seven. I took the assessment on, but you gotta go to just take the assessment, asking matters dot com. It was thirty thirty. Questions. Yes, thirty very simple questions like eight eight eight ten words per question. Mean brief questions. Yes, no boom. It only takes a few minutes asking matters dot com not asking styles dot coms don’t go asking style dot com. That’s a point site. No, i don’t know what’s there, but actually that will do. Redirected our site to oh, good. So you do own asking sound. I thought, all right, all right, but just go directly. Sure we do. So you don’t have to go through pornhub goto asking matters dot com. Take the assessment. Thirty questions. It’s really fun, even if you’re not a fundraiser if you’re not a fundraiser. But but i have said in that interview with andrea that i aspired to be a kindred spirit and go get her so i was disappointed in my outcome. Come on. I want to be now taking it very recently this morning i wanted i wanted to be. I wanted the results to be fresh. Um, i’m still a kindred spirit primary, but now i’m a secondary go getter. You are. I evolved or i just answered the questions to the desired outcome. No, but i didn’t do that way. No, i did it honestly. So i have evolved. So we just have, like, thirty seconds before a break. But you can evolve, right? You know, i didn’t know you knew. Didn’t you answer the question differently because she just thought about it a bit differently today than you did seven years. We don’t evolve. No. We learn how to live in the world. On we learn we learn how to embrace our strengths and deal with their challenges. But we are who we are. I think we’re wired a certain way, but we weigh, manage our lives. We manage all sorts of relationships with all sorts of people. And and and certain skills are become more important in certain parts. And in our lives, we take leadership roles. And so we we need teo, focus on the differences of skills. And so we’re using different parts of our toolbox. But we are still who we are, right? Maybe i pulled the top. Maybe i pulled the top shelf off the toolbox. It’s dangerous for me to make two references on, because the first time i used a phillips head screwdriver, i had to go to the emergency room like, all right, we got to take another break. Regular cps. Are you not satisfied with your cpa firm? They’re not paying enough attention to you. Are you thinking about a change in twenty nineteen? Look at wagner. Check them out. You know where to go. Wagner cps dot com. You’ve heard that. Then talk to you. Coach tomb. Their partner. He’s been a guest twice. I trust him. He will be honest about whether wagner can help you. You gotta weinger cpas dot com now time to tony’s. Take two. I need to say farewell to our affiliates. This is the last show for our affiliate stations throughout the country. The affiliate family just hasn’t grown. The affiliate stations are not procreating, if you will, at the rate that i need to make the investment of time and money worthwhile. In that program, i’m enormously grateful to the affiliate stations and listeners that we have. Thank you. Thank you for being with us stations and listeners. I thank you. I just wish you had more siblings. I needed you to procreate more. I tried to get more siblings, but it takes a lot of time. And they’re just not it’s not coming through. So for our affiliate listeners, of course not. Proper media is always with you. Always available to you. Um, on itunes on google podcasts on stitcher andi. Lots of smaller wraps that you probably have never heard of. So we’re still with you. We’re still available to you. Stay with us. You don’t have to leave. I don’t want you to. I just need you to listen differently. And i’m going to do the men of the affiliate affections first, because i i do have affection for our affiliate listeners and stations. And i regret that this has to be the last show. But affections to our affiliate station family and to our affiliate listeners. Thank you, live listener love. It’s got to go out. It goes out to jacksonville, florida lake worth, florida russia were going abroad how that happened so fast. Ok, well, we’ll do. We’ll do. We’ll combine it all, um, delhi, delhi, india, russia. We can’t see your city, but live. Listen, love goes out to the coast to the whole country. Why not? Um, it’s leadership that a little concerned about. But to the people the life goes out. The love goes out another tampa, florida we got tampa lakeworth and jacksonville. Wallington, new jersey, new york, new york, new bern, new bern, north carolina live love out to new bern, korea. Can’t see your city gets anything. Cities, korea, netherlands live! Love goes out doesn’t matter. And seattle, washington and connecticut live love to each of our listeners. Thank you for being with us and the podcast pleasantries toe are over thirteen thousand listeners podcast each and every week. I’m telling you, it makes it so much easier to get good guests like andrea kill state. I mean, like brian saber, when i can tell them that there are thirteen thousand listeners. Alright, people put up with this. I wouldn’t i would walk out. I’d walk out. I’m getting my amusement for the day when they know that there are over thirteen thousand listeners each week. It helps with sponsorship too. So i thank you. The pleasantries to our podcast listeners. I thank you for being with us. All right, all right. So i learned a lesson. We’re not evolving. You were pretty much pretty much born into born into our asking styles quadrant and and that’s it. And we just apply different skills as needed, right? We’ll have a least a little bit of all of thes, and we call on it when we need it. We do it right, right. It’s not as if the rainmaker can’t be carrying insensitive and the kindred spirit can’t be strategic and goal oriented. It’s a matter of what we lead with, right? What? What’s court of us that dictates the styles. But there’s a bit of all of this and all of us. Let’s apply this to our donors, because where we know that we now have a style. And if we don’t know what, we’re going to go toe asking matters dot com and find out what it is. And then we’ll get the book to asking stiles. Just get the book. You could find the book asking matters dot com and then, oh, so but our donors have styles absolute. So if, if our donor happens to be in the same of the same style is us or at least on the same end of one of the axes you know next to, because the next twos they tend to work well with each other, don’t they? The next, the next two’s work well, and the well, they can tell you have a certain commonality. Commonality. I think the analytic intuitive pieces is particularly important, their meaning. If you’re an analytic, a rain maker or a mission controller and your donor is a a rainmaker or mission controller, you’re talking more of the same language. And if you’re both intuitive, sze go getters or kindred spirits, you’re talking the same language. Right, or whether it’s facts and figures or it’s a heartfelt story. There’s just there’s a bit of commonality there, and to me, that’s actually the mohr important parallel than the extra version introversion. Ok, right, ok, i think an introvert extrovert can establish a rhythm. Each has to watch out for the other. The extroverts has to slow down a little bit. Thie introvert may have to speed up a little bit in there in his air, thinking and speaking, but they they evolved a rhythm, and we’re used to doing that in society. I think the analytic into it is intuitive is a bit different, though, where i think we tend to associate with people who think like us right, whether where facts and figures, people’s people and we’re looking at outcomes, measurements and things, or where sharing heartfelt stories. So all right, so let’s start. Let’s apply this to our donors now, because if we can figure out where they are, if not if not a style than certainly what end of maybe maybe what end of different the two different axes on ly word in the english language? And as is the plural for three for three cingular’s. Then we can anticipate what they’re questions might be, what their objections might be, how they’re thinking about what we’re talking about. So how can we give us some strategies figuring this out for donors that where you have a relationship with now or someone were thinking we’re going to be soliciting? Well, we would have a relationship. Now, how can we apply? This? Could be suss this out. So there are a number of ways to figure this out. If you don’t know a donor well, and you’re going to set out to meet with this donor. You asking events, would you like me to send you any materials? Is there anything you’d like to know about before we meet and the analytics in particular? The mission controllers are going to be the most like. Please say yes. I’d love some material. Mission controllers will review as much material as you give them. They wanted to know all the facts and figures the rainmakers, the more strategic ones. But the mission controllers, everything you give them go getters are go. Getters of the most likely say, i just come talk to me now. That’s ok. Just come talk to me. We’ll figure it out so somewhat. Based on the material, whether people asked for material or not now much they asked for it. You can figure it out. Okay. God, you can figure it out. By which of your donors go to your special events o r. Or at least have a good time when they go. You hate events. Hate events. Yes. I hate gatherings of more than about six people actually. Which which is very funny, since i spend most of my life now doing workshops. First, i had two hundred people in this room sitting in the studio right now which would give a seventh in here to make you want that i’d have to leave, and then you could bring entree. And because she really likes these big total, not that’s why you’re here. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Ah, close. But it’s but it’s ironic. People would not expect that. But you’re very open about it in the book. Yes, i avoid events at all. Counterintuitive. I should say it is because i have learned to adapt. Right? I regardless of what you may think of the moment, people generally think i’m articulate and and i, i come off with a certain amount of presence and such, and i’ve learned how to do that to operate in the world. But it’s not my comfort zone, right? I mean, i was speaking to this room of people. Yesterday was not my comfort zone. Did i like the fact that i was sharing information that i thought was helpful to them? I like teaching. I like helping people be better. But i had no desire to be in front of that room or even in the room. And as a matter of fact, as soon as all the speeches were done, people hung around in the room to schmooze a network, and i made a beeline for the door. Even though i was the keynote speaker, i actually i must say i went out into the hallway because i had i have had enough. Can you share a start? My voices crack you fourteen, fourteen years old. Can you share a story when dahna thinking about a donors style helped you buy-in ah, solicitation. Anything coming to mine and put in the apse? No, i know immediately. I can think of a very significant donor at hudson guilt, one of the old settlement houses here in new york city, where i worked for many years and everything for her was about the children in the daycare and kindergarten programs, and for her it was about being in the classroom and hearing these stories about the kids. Even though she had a finance background, she never once asked about outcomes measurements. It didn’t matter how many kids exactly were being served what our goals were. She knew these kids were there, that their lives were being impacted. And and so it was all about sharing those stories and getting her into the kindergarten and the head start center clear as day. So that’s that’s an example. Yeah. All right, we gotta take a break. Tell us for pete’s sake, think of the companies. You can refer and ask them. Will they switch their credit card processing to tell us so that you can claim your long stream of passive revenue? Month after month, it’s coming to you. Fifty percent of the processing fees tello’s earns go to you every month. Start with the video at tony dot m a slash tony. Tell us, then get asking the companies. Now back to brian saber and asking styles. Uh, our listeners like stories. That’s why i put you on the spot for our first story. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, this has great application that when you’ve done these thousands of sea pulsations when when? In the course of your thousands did you and andrea start start this work? Unfortunately towards the end couple weeks ago? Yeah. No, no, no. It was from two thousand ten, and so right. Well, i had i had been a fundraiser my entire career. So at the point andre and i met, that was more than twenty five years. I’ve gone through a number of campaigns, and i was always the frontline fundraiser. The person who cultivated and solicited major gifts in person who worked with the board. I did the work that had to be done. I never actually wanted to do it per se. I did it because i wanted to make a difference right now. So i did tons of that work forever. Now, since starting asking matters, i have worked on campaigns. There’s a an organization very dear to me in chicago called northwestern settlement house. It’s a it is a settlement, just like hudson guild in new york. I’m a massive fan of that model of cradle to grave service, and i’ve done a number of campaigns with them. Ron, who i talk about in the book and who even talks about his experience in the book. Ron, matt, man anderson and a shine. Yes, amanda shaw. Yeah, he’s a twenty five year buddy of mine. You guys get a lot of asks together partners, we believe i’ve been in a thousand meetings together in all this time. So the good news is the last big chunk of them came after we started this because the settlement finished a campaign now, probably about two years ago, and ron and i again were really the leads to listeners. They’re so we spent a lot of time together asking for gifts, cultivating toners and asking them. And i could see us through this prism of the asking styles, and it was really enlightening. It was enlightening because ron is a go getter. So it became so much clearer as to what he was bringing to the table what i was and the fact that we’re both intuitive and neither one of us was a leading with the analytic peace, even with our analytic donors. And you know what? That was fine. So we didn’t change anything. We did. But we embraced what we did more fully once we had this. This asking styles rupert to deal with were teasing the idea of partnering. And i’m goingto tell listeners that for insiders, brian and i are going to talk about partnering. So if you want to be a non-profit. Radio insider, go to tony martignetti dot com, get the insider alerts, then you’ll have access to the that the insider content. And in this for this interview, it’s going to be about partnering with a ko solicitor, basically, ah, and and using the styles, of course. Um, all right. How about well, s o? I feel like i’m jumping around, but going back to assessing your donors, i mean, certainly if you have a relationship, if you know the person through the years, um, that will obviously in form you’re figuring out what style they are. Absolutely. You learn their rhythm. You see whether they pause before answering questions way often talk about this the moment when you ask for the gift. And then what happens after? Well, a mission controller is most likely to pause for longer after you’ve asked to think about it. Where is the go getter is probably going to jump in very quickly with some gut response. So so as you spend more time with your donors, you you pick up on their traits such as this, right? What? The rhythm in the conversation, the questions they ask you. How many questions they ask you? Yes, right. Kindred spirits are less likely to ask questions right in the room. When i train, you’re the introverts are less likely to speak up, which means you. You have to sort of anticipate you have to try to anticipate their questions because the introverts aren’t going to be asking. And if you’re not fulfilling what they need to be favorable to your solicitation, they’re going to leave the meeting unfulfilled, and you will to write. And i don’t know for jumping ahead or whether you plan to cover this. But this is important for boards of directors as well. Latto understand the interactions of the board members. That’s the dynamic of the board, right? Because in a board meeting, the introverts are less likely to express their opinions. So if you want your entire board expressing its opinion, if you want all the voices at the table, you have to be particularly sensitive to your kindred spirits in your mission controllers, who in that large group are less likely to speak up? Okay, we may. We may come to the boy, us. If we don’t come to the board, then just by the book, for god sakes, goto asking matters dot com. Get the book. You know, we could get these brilliant authors. Well, we get these authors, and, uh, you know, semi are starting the catskill semi articulate on and, uh, and we can’t cover everything. It’s impossible. So everything so just get the book. But i will try to have time for the board because boards are big challenge. Yes, i do want to talk about preparing how preparing for your solicitation. And, of course, you know, solicitation that could be over a solicitation. I mean, there’s a meeting, but the course of the the course of that phase of our relationship could go over months, sometimes in back and forth and not this program or this program, but not that way. Or, you know, etcetera, att least implant e-giving. That’s certainly the case, and it’s got to be the case in major e-giving. Sometimes, too. Yes, well, you know, major giving to me there are two ways to look at major gifts. I think of a major gift as any gift worth the time to cultivate and solicit in some shops. There, they’re going to put a cut off, and it’s going to be those very large gifts for new programs for buildings or for plan gifts. But i to me, a major gift program is made up of all of the donors and hopeful donors prospects who have the ability to make a gift of a certain level that’s worth your time because everything needs to be customized and personalized. And that takes some time. So so major gifts could be twenty five hundred dollars gift to the annual fund, right? Your hundred thousand dollar a year organization. You’re going to go out and solicit a number of these to me. Those are major gifts and some of those gifts. So some of those gifts will happen fairly quickly with one meeting or two meetings. The bigger meet the bigger gifts. Those transformational gifts often take months and multiple proposals and bringing in various programs, staff and such donors. Advisers correct. All right, so so it’s it’s a process, yes, but so in terms of preparing for the meeting or the process, um, how do you ah, how tow us. Ah, how do we kindred spirits? Best prepare. How do we prepare? The best thing we can do is go visit the program and re acquaint ourselves with the program. It’s particularly important for fund-raising professionals because we can get very caught up in our day to day work, and sometimes we’re not near the program. Physically, we might be in a satellite office or something like that, and and and we don’t touch the program for a long time. We don’t see it in action. We don’t meet the participants, and that is critical to us because everything so personal. So the number one thing you can do to prepare is to go visit the program and get revved up again about it, because at the end of the day, all of us have to break. We’re all making our own case for support, telling our own story about why the organization’s important to us. That’s a very important piece of of the preparation for the kindred spirit. It’s it’s all going to be a personal story about a participant or their own journey. And and and so visiting the program enforces that. Okay, let’s go to your secondary. The mission controllers. How do they best prepare? They plant? They do a lot of research, much more research than the intuitive to go getters in the kindred spirits. Much more research on the donor that they will. I’ll plan out the meeting very, very specifically, even planned a meeting planned the meeting out. And how do we think the meeting will unfold? They’re more likely to have, ah, complete list of questions that they’d like to ask. They they’re gut will be to send information in advance because that’s what works for them. One of the exercises that asking matters is we asked people if someone were going to come ask you for a gift, how would you like them to do it? And how does your style impact that? Right? Well, mission controllers will often say, i want you to send me a lot of material in advance, so i can see it. And i can be prepared when we meet. So if your mission controller development officer your gut right, your natural inclination is to send a lot of material because that’s what you’d like. Now, once you get to know your donor, you might know your donordigital appreciate that you’d have to pull back on it, but often we don’t know our donors that well, so the number one thing to do is go with our own gut and our own style. So that’s how the mission controller would come here. We’re going to take our last break, and then we’re gonna come back and talk about how my secondary the go getters should best prepare. Okay, hoexter give. They haven’t email many course. Five myths of text giving debunked they’ll give you info so you can decide if this is a fit for you. The the the idea of text giving and then whether text to give fitz specifically, you hear all the hype about mobile e-giving get through that. Get the five part many course comes to you by email. Learn what you need to know. How do you get that? You text n pr november papa romeo to four, four, four, nine, nine, nine. Okay, we’ve got several more minutes for asking styles. Gladly. Uh, so the go getters, how would they best prepare for this solicitation meeting or process? Well, it’s funny that you say that because they’re the least likely to prepare. They winging it? Yeah, they’re very comfortable revolution. They’re very sure of themselves. And they are very good at being thrown into a situation and thriving whatever it isthe relating to various people keeping a conversation going, keeping the energy up so they tend to prepare less. What i do say to go getters is okay. I get that you’re going to prepare less than you’re comfortable. That’s fine. But everyone can benefit from from practicing their story their case for support because you don’t want to take a lot of time to tell it you wanted to be concise because of you share a lot with the donor. The donor is not going to hear what you’re saying. They’re not going to remember what you’re saying. And go getters tend to talk a lot too much. They can talk to much as a matter fact. Ron and i joke about how he can go long. He could go long, and it’s my job to rein him in and cutem uncovering the table, right? So go getters. Don’t prepare that personal story, which should only be a couple of minutes. Their tendency will be to go on and the story will lose it. So that’s the number one thing they should do. Ok, and how about finally the mission controllers? Preparation of the rainmaker? The rainmakers range, right? They’re going to want to review the outcomes, measurements and the goals of the organization because they’re going to tell the story their story through those because that’s what drives them right? The that we’re accomplishing x, y and z where sure, we’re making a difference because we reach this point and we made this difference with this many people and so forth. So they’re going to want to review that. They’re the most strategic, so they’re going to want to think a lot about where do we meet? What questions do i ask you? How do i how do i elicit certain information and a certain reaction and so forth so they’ll be rather strategic. Maybe without getting into the details the mission controller gets into. We just have a few minutes left. So i do want to talk about the board because that’s a that’s an important topic. Brian likes to ah, do his asked to the beverage. You will have to get the book to figure out why. Find out why he loves why it’s important to him to have a beverage in his ass just by the book, for god’s sake. All right, the board. So you would you would like us to. We just have a few minutes left. You would like us to have to have the board take the assessment. Absolutely right. It’s so effective. Lots of boards. What comes out of this? Tell us. Tell us due illustrated with a story. Well, i will give you a story from when andre and i were first testing the assessment. Okay? We had a small university in upstate new york. Take the assessment. The vp for advancement had his board take it. And and andrei and i looked at the results and we said, oh, no, it doesn’t work. Something’s wrong with the way the person i designed the test for us calibrated and so forth and so on. So with are did you think something was wrong because everyone on the board was a mission controller and we thought, well, statistically, that’s impossible, right? We may be there were twenty responses. So with our tail between our legs, we went back to the vp and said, we’re really sorry we’re gonna have to do more work. It doesn’t seem as if the assessment is correct. Everyone showed up is a mystery controller, and the v p said, that’s exactly our problem. Everyone is a mission control. You’re right. That is it. The dynamic is all off. We don’t have the go getters with the vision. We don’t have the rainmakers to keep us focused on accomplishing goals. And we don’t have the kindred spirits to remind us that this is about helping people and we have to have heart. So on a board, you want a mix of the styles for a variety of reasons. Committees, leadership. Well, right? I mean, aligning people to work together, deciding who, maybe who the leadership should be absolutely, and who ever every one of these organizations does. Special events, unfortunately, but you want to mission control are organizing them so the details or set right and you also want to go get her at the event. Who’s going to be really wonderful in the moment? So in some cases you might design board members to the work based on their style. But at the very least understand the dynamic of the board based on everyone style, just as you would in any behavioral analysis of staff for people in general. Ok, how about for the c suite? You see value there. We don’t talk about that. I don’t think it’s in the book. That’s interesting. I don’t. And that is interesting because i speak too many development directors who are aware of their executive director’s style and how that impacts them one way or another. And each executive director brings something different to this fund-raising equation based on his or her style. So the rainmaker is going to be rather driven right for their organization on. They’re going to like the big gifts because they want to make big impacts. The go getters will be happy to meet anyone. The development office wants them to meet and we’ll be charming. But it will be up to the development office to be strategic about that behind the scenes. When you have introverted executive directors, that could be a little more challenging to get them out. But, of course, the kindred spirit, you know, cells with the heart, and people usually really admire that. Executive director. But sometimes the kindred spirit executive director doesn’t want to make the hard decisions that need to be made in leadership on mission controllers when their executive directors can need to watch out that they don’t get into the weeds, that they don’t micromanage. So there’s value for the for the people working for the what of the c suite to know what you’re boss’s style is a way, i guess we need to encourage the c suite itself to recognize where it stands and ah, what it’s opportunities are and what it’s what it’s potential. The pitfalls are and to appreciate all its staff for who they are. Yeah, all right. We have about a minute or so left, and i want to enter the same place where we started. But authentic. You know, your authentic self. Remind us why that is so important. Using all these styles fund-raising good fund-raising the fund-raising that that leads to gifts year in and year out and larger gifts over time. And donors who really care about organisation. Though this is all based on relationships. If if you’re not authentic with your donor, your donor will smell it and your donor want to build that relationship. Who wants to have a relationship with someone you think is phony? So if we’re looking for longtime donors, we need to be our authentic cells and not worry about anyone else. Brian saber goto asking matters dot com take the assessment. Get the book which is asking styles. Thank you so much, brian. Thank you so much, tony. We planning to be here next week? There’s no show. Happy thanksgiving. You’ll be with family and friends. I’m sure i urge you make time for yourself. North. I didn’t say fine time for yourself. You never find it. You’ve gotta make time for yourself alone. Time. It’s important, even if you’re not a kindred spirit. Um, so and i have a thanksgiving. Thanks. Video. Which you’ll find forget to promote my own stuff. Go to tony martignetti dot com. I have a video e-giving my thanks to you for your support of non-profit radio. I don’t know if i say thank you too often, but enjoy your thanksgiving. If you missed any part of today’s show, i beseech you. Find it on tony martignetti dot com were sponsored by pursuing online tools for small and midsize non-profits data driven and technology enabled. Tony dahna slash pursuing by wagner cps guiding you beyond the numbers wagner cps dot com by telus credit card and payment processing you’re passive revenue stream tony dahna slash tony tell us, and by text to give mobile donations made easy text. Npr to four four four nine nine nine our creative producers. Claire meyerhoff sama liebowitz is the line producer show social media is by susan chavez. Mark silverman is our web guy, and this great music is by scott stein of brooklyn, new york thank you for that information, scotty. With me next week for non-profit radio big non-profit ideas for the other ninety five percent go out and be great buy-in. You’re listening to the talking alternative network you get to thinking. Cubine you’re listening to the talking alternative net. Are you stuck in a rut? Negative thoughts, feelings and conversations got you down. Hi, i’m nor in santa potentially eight. Tune in every tuesday at nine to ten p. M. Eastern time and listen for new ideas on my show. Yawned potential live life your way on talk radio dot n y c. Hey, all you crazy listeners looking to boost your business? Why not advertise on talking alternative with very reasonable rates interested? Simply email at info at talking alternative dot com. You like comic books and movie howbout tv and pop culture. Then you’ve come to the right place. Hi, i’m michael gulch, a host of secrets of the sire, joined every week by my co host, hassan, lord of the radio godwin. Together we have over fifteen years experience creating graphic novels, screenplays and more. Join us as we bring you the inside scoop on the pop culture universe you love to talk about. Wednesday nights eight p. M. Eastern talk radio dot and wives. Did you know you’ve been playing poker your whole life, even if you’ve never played a hand of cards? Hi, i’m ellen lake and author of polka woman and host of the new show poker divas. On the show, i talk about poker. Strategy helps you win in business, life and love tune in live every thursday one p. M to two p. M. Eastern standard time on talk radio dot n. Y. C. You’re listening to talking alternative network at www dot talking alternative dot com, now broadcasting twenty four hours a day. Are you a conscious co creator? Are you on a quest to raise your vibration and your consciousness? Um, sam liebowitz, your conscious consultant. And on my show, that conscious consultant, our awakening humanity. 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Nonprofit Radio for November 4, 2011: Assess Your Asking Style

Big Nonprofit Ideas for the Other 95%

You can subscribe on iTunes and listen anytime, anyplace on the device of your choice.

My Guest:

Andrea Kihlstedt

Andrea Kihlstedt: Assess Your Asking Style

Andrea reveals what it means to be a Kindred Spirit or a Mission Controller, two of the four asking styles profiled at AskingMatters.com, which she co-founded.

  • How do you prepare for a solicitation based on your asking style?
  • How should different styles be paired together for an ask?
  • And what support do your volunteers need, based on their styles?

We’ll also talk about her book, “How to Raise $1 Million (or More!) in 10 Bite-Sized Steps.

Please take a moment to take the survey for this week’s show! Thanks!

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Here is the link to the podcast: 066: A Conversation With Andrea Kihlstedt
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Path to text: transcripts/2011/11/066_tony_martignetti_nonprofit_radio_11042011.txt

Dahna welcome to tony martignetti non-profit radio i’m your aptly named host. We’re always talking here about big non-profit ideas for the other ninety five percent. I sincerely hope you were with me last week for nine weeks and a wake up for essentials for your year end fund-raising that was mary allison principle of oneaccord, and she helped you out in the final stretch toward year end. We talked about segmenting and messaging, social media and other online strategies, direct mail and getting volunteers to pitch in everything that she suggested from last week could be executed quickly to get you the help you need before december thirty first and also was your mobile website, our tech contributor scott koegler, the editor of non-profit technology news. Of course, you know that broke down. Whether you need a mobile site, how to develop one and what to include to make yours spiffy and up to date this week. It’s assess your asking style. My guest is andrea kill, stead and she’s going to reveal what it means to be a rain maker or a go getter, which are two of the four asking styles profiled at asking matters dot com, which she co founded how do you prepare for a solicitation based on your asking style? How should different styles be paired together for an ask? What do you how do you support your volunteers and what do they need based on their asking styles? And we’ll also talk about one of her books how to raise one million dollars or more in ten bite-sized steps at roughly thirty two minutes after the hour on tony’s take two. I’m going to talk about the next-gen charity two thousand eleven conference my block post this week says that it will provoke your greatness. Talk about that that’s conferences on november seventeenth and eighteenth and also the results of my challenge from last week. Let’s help kelly for pete’s sake, that was a blogger post challenge. We’re live tweeting this week and we have a guest live tweeter in a dare oklahoma! Thank you very much for stepping in to lead the way on twitter, ian welcome use hashtag non-profit radio to join that conversation on twitter right now we have a couple of messages and after those, i’ll be joined by andrea kill stead we’re going to talk about assessing your asking. Style. And i hope you will stay with me. You’re listening to the talking alternative network. Dahna are you suffering from aches and pains? Has traditional medicine let you down? Are you tired of taking toxic medications, then come to the double diamond wellness center and learn how our natural methods can help you to hell? Call us now at to one to seven to one eight, one eight three that’s to one to seven to one eight one eight three or find us on the web at www dot double diamond wellness dot com way. Look forward to serving you. Is your marriage in trouble? Are you considering divorce? 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Interested simply email at info at talking alternative dot com all right, welcome back to tony martignetti non-profit radio big non-profit ideas for the other ninety five percent with me now is andrea kill stead she’s, a consultant, writer and trainer in fund-raising she’s, the co founder of asking matters dot com and has written two books on fund-raising capital campaigns strategies that work was published by jones and bartlett and is now in its third edition. Her more recent book is how to raise one million dollars or more in ten bite-sized steps published by emerson and church. I’m very pleased that andres work brings it to the show and dry welcome. Thank you, tony it’s a pleasure to be here on go have you we’re talking about asking for gift? Why does someone’s asking style even matter? There is many styles as there are individuals, and when we get into the mode of saying there’s, one way to ask for a gift, we ing for sure increased people’s anxiety and we know that anxiety doesn’t help us help us function in the best way we might. So we came up with a system at asking matters, dividing people into four simple quadrants and encouraging them to ask in the in the style that fits the best, the best asks they’re the ones that authentic that are authentic. And if you ask in an authentic way, you’re likely to connection most effectively to your donor asking style system is set up to help people do that. Is there a psychological basis to the four different types of stuff that the four different styles? Well, i’m certainly not the first person to be talking about stiles myers briggs is the one most people know there’s the disc system of styles. There are a variety of other style systems. I think i’m the first person to take a the notion of styles and apply it to asking there are different between the four quadrants there to two different sets of measures wanted to explain those intuitive etcetera yes, the asking style system is set up on two simple access. If you draw a actually see there’s the technical term actually that’s right, draw a vertical axis on a piece of paper and i invite all of you to do this and at the top. You put down extra virgin at the bottom. You put down introvert. Most of us have some. Notion of which of those we are, so mark yourself as an extroverted and introvert. Then in the middle of that line, draw a horizontal axis line of aboutthe same length and on the right hand side, put down intuitive on on the left hand side, put down analytical that most of us have some sense of which of those we are. If you’re intuitive, you tend to come up with an idea and then see if the world backs you up. You tend to have a gut level about your ideas and big thoughts. If your analytical, you tend to look at the world that the details, and you see what ideas those details amount to collectively. So if you mark yourself on the on the vertical axis and on the horizontal axis, and then you dry drop box around the whole thing, it’ll give you four boxes and lo and behold, for stiles. Okay? And what are the four styles? So in the upper left hand quadrant, where you’re an extrovert and analytic your rainmaker to the right of that where your extra vert and intuitive you’re a go getter underneath go getters? You’re a kindred spirit and to the left of kindred spirit, those are people who are analytical and introvert, those air mission controllers. All right, now i took the asking matters survey, which takes its like, takes like two or three minutes, all right, thirty questions, true false questions, verse and very short on dh. I admit that i spent too long, i think, on some of them. I tried to follow the advice on the site, which says, give your first answer, where there were a couple that i that hung me up. So i’m i found out that i am equally kindred spirit and mission controller, but i was, i was aspiring to go get her. I wanted to be a go getter, so is there. Can you can you have two and aspire to a third? You are, i think everyone should aspire to go get her, okay. So what is the what is the meaning of? I guess i’ll be a little selfish and start with myself. What’s the meaning of ah, a kindred spirit. A solicitor. What does that mean for me? Yes. You know, the kindred spirits among us are the people who think of themselves least as solicitors, but tend to be very good at it because they hang back just a minute before they respond. Which gives the donor and opportunity to talk. And most of us know in the solicitation business, our primary errors that we talked too much. So the people who are who are introverts ten believe a little more air time, very effective and very successful. Way to solicit gift. So my mother was wrong. I don’t talk too much. You know, your mother may have talked too much to her, but i do. Woodstock. Listen, i hope she’s listening. I bet you’re not even listening. You’re not even listening to me saying that i listen, you believe the irony in that? Um okay. Well, that’s cool on dh there’s. Something good there’s. Good news for everybody, right? All four quadrants? Yes. Have have things that are our styles. That people can bring and are valuable to soliciting right that’s, right? I bring up the kindred spirit in particular. Because when we see people who hold back a little more a little more reticent, we tend to think that there they may not be the the sales people among us. But i think both kindred spirits and mission controllers can be fantastic solicitors at least as good as rainmakers and go getters. Okay, she’s bucking for the road. She’s bucking for more air time. But you have the whole hour you’re on. You’re not going anywhere. Okay, so then just a little, but we have a minute or so before break what’s. Ah, mission controller, which is my other one? Yes, a mission controller. I happen to be married to a mission controller, so i know that style particularly well, but it’s, not me. A full disclosure. And jay and i are not married. I know. That’s. True that’s. True. Eso mission controllers are the people who are so responsible. They do all of their homework. They like details. They were read the budget. They’ll want to know all of the numerical information about outcomes. The one on how much it costs, they will gather every piece of information before they go in, solicit a gift, they’ll make a careful plan, they might even write some out, and they will execute it the same way every time so you can count on them. If they say they’re going to do something, they’re likely to do it when they say they’re going to do it the way they say they say they’re going to do it. Fantastic people they have on your team. This is such an ego rush. I’m dying here, okay? We’re live tweeting in a dare in oklahoma city, you better not have tweeted that andre and i are not married. That is not a critical part of the show. You should not be tweeting stuff like that. So you’re doing it wrong if you treated that, i don’t know if you did. We are monitoring here, but i just haven’t taken a look yet on before we take a break. I want to share just some survey results from the from the pre show survey that was on my block. Question one do you consider personality type when assigning relationship managers to a prospect? So not? The ask yet. But just in assigning for relationship management, two thirds said yes, they do, and one third do not. We have some messages. When we come back, andrea kill states. They was with me, and i hope you all do, too, because you didn’t think that shooting getting, thinking, you’re listening to the talking alternate network, duitz get me thinking. It’s. Are you stuck in your business or career, trying to take your business to the next level, and it keeps hitting a wall? This is sam liebowitz, a conscious consultant. I will help you get to the root cause of your abundance issues and help move you forward in your life. Call me now and let’s. Create the future you dream of. Two, one, two, seven, two, one, eight, one, eight, three, that’s to one to seven to one, eight one eight three. The conscious consultant helping hunters. People be better business people. Hi, this is psychic medium. Betsy cohen, host of the show. The power of intuition. Join me at talking alternative dot com mondays at eleven a. M call in for a free psychic readings. Learn how to tune into your intuition, to feel better and to create your optimum life. I’m here to guide you and to assist you in creating life that you deserve. Listen every monday at eleven a, m on talking alternative dot com. Are you feeling overwhelmed and the current chaos of our changing times? A deeper understanding of authentic astrology can uncover solutions in every area of life. After all, metaphysics is just quantum physics, politically expressed hi and montgomery taylor and i offer lectures, seminars and private consultations. For more information, contact me at monte m o nt y at r l j media. Dot com talking alternative radio twenty four hours a day. Lively conversation. Top trends. Sound advice, that’s, tony martignetti non-profit radio. And i’m samantha cohen from the american civil liberties union. Metoo welcome back, we’re live tweeting the show, and if you want to join the conversation on twitter, use hashtag non-profit radio if you have a question that you want to submit for andrea, please please ask on twitter. You can also call where eight seven seven four aito for one two oh again eight, seven, seven, four aito for one two oh, either way, if you have a question for andrea, kill stead, we’re talking about assess your assessing your asking style and andrey, we’ve been through the two that i am the equal kindred spirit in mission controller what’s a rainmaker? Yes, a rainmaker. The people that we think of really is the quintessential sales sales people, these people tend to be competitive goal oriented. They’re the ones who are likely to take the highest, highest value prospects because they want to be sure to get to the goal they will respond to and be happy to hit, to work with and have challenged grants so that they can motivate a donor for the goal. So the people who perhaps are not the ones who were most keen on stories? No, but because they’re both extroverts and analytic, they’ll be very sensitive to the donor, the style of the person they’re talking to, while at the same time having their arms around all of the facts and the details of the case. The sound is valuable to a solicitation as the equal kindred spirit in mission control that i have any other bets. I’m sure that i’m sure the rainmakers are fine, but i don’t think they’re as good as thie combination, kindred spirit and mission controller on how about the one? I said? I aspired to the go getter? I wanted to be a go getter and i failed testing that respect? Yes, it’s not even a test of service. Really it’s an assessment assessment we came we spent a lot of time coming up with that word it’s an assessment it’s nothing more than that. It’s actually fun. It is fun and interesting and easy to take and nothing particularly deeper. Heavy but but worth worth doing, i think or so and so we hear from mother and i’ll just remind people that you’ll find that assessment at asking matters dot com that’s, right? So what does this guy know? What is the go getter? Well, i’m a go getter, we go getters are very good at big ideas. We have a lot of energy, we tend to pull people towards us with our energy and we can take big ideas and make them fairly simple. We like big ideas. We have much less tolerance for detail, and we’re not as good at closing a gift. For example, as a rainmaker would be aura’s a mission controller would be we like the possibilities, right? We like to say one of the possibilities rather than you know, how can we draw this to a close? And how can we get to the goal? So for us, helpful sometimes to pair us up with someone who’s a good closer? Excellent. We’re going talk about pairings to that, like a fine wine and a fine meal. We compare our asking styles. All right, so between the two of us, you and i have three, three covered. So if there’s anyone who knows that there are rainmaker or thinks that there are rainmaker based on what andrea the guy, the guidelines that andrew gave us earlier, why don’t you tweet and tell us that you think you’re a rainmaker and what? That what that brings the table when you are asking so let’s, talk about asking, then we have no one now if we know our style, preparing for the ask so how would different different styles prepare in different ways? Yes, so go getters, they’re going to want to prepare with simple bullet points, they’re not going to read over every annual report for the last five years. They’re not going to look at every detail of the budget they’re going to have simple goose bump inducing asking, ah points about the case and about what it is this organisation does and accomplishes probably from a big picture perspective now would they want to prepare those bullet points on their own? Or is that something that and we’re going to talk more detail later about the charity supporting its solicitors? But in terms of this, this type of person, would they want to prepare those those bullet points on their own or haven’t done for them? They’re always helped if someone can can sit with them and say, here are the bullet points i think about, but a go getter is going to be happy to talk about them, so if you’re if someone is a go getter and you can actually have a five minute conversation saying, what do you find exciting and moving about this organization? Get them to articulate it out loud that will work very well for a go getter. How about the other styles in terms of preparing for that for that important solicitation? Yes, if you’re working with a mission controller, i encourage you to send them a full package of information. Well, in advance of the time you want them to go out and ask for gifts, they will take the time to read it and take the time to master the material. They’re not going to want to go out from one minute to the next you want don’t want to ask him to mark today to go out tomorrow, you’re going to want to give them enough time to really prepare thoroughly it’s in their nature, to want to do that kindred spirits i would spend asked him to spend some time with you on sight, seeing the people you serve. These were people whose hearts are touched by watching the work in the field on they’ll learn from from watching. That’s, right? And they all convey that is exactly right. They too, are not particularly interested in huge amounts of information or detail. They’re interested in the stories that make their hearts warm and the last one we don’t talk about rainmaker. The rainmaker is the rainmakers combine these things they’re good at being charismatic in the same way go getters are, but they’re going to want to master the materials in the same way mission controllers do so give them time, give them information, make sure it’s all organized and systematized so they don’t get frustrated. One of the other survey questions i asked before the show was do you consider personality type when deciding who should ask for a gift? And almost ninety two percent said yes, they definitely do, and then the remainder no, so yes, and let me just say something that i think i think we underestimate the capacity of people who are not the obvious askar sze that’s, one of the neat things about this asking style assessment and and being able to look at each style from what they can do and what we work for them rather than saying some people can do this and some people can’t think that’s a mistake, we we underuse people that way, and we might also base that conclusion on what people say themselves. Oh, i can’t i can’t ask now, that’s different than i don’t want to ask. Yes, absolutely, absolutely. And i mean my own belief is that pretty much anybody can ask and ten can do a good job if you work with them in a way that will support them. So the value of the site is send them and buy them. I guess we’re talking about professional solicitors, right? Professional fund-raising as well as, of course, here’s boardmember staff members, development committee members, anyone who’s thinking about getting involved or being part of your development shop can and should take the assessment. In fact, you can a very interesting conversations with people comparing and contrasting asking styles, and that then gets them talking about asking, you know, it’s, an effective conversation have and fun and fun becomes going around a board room, board table or it doesn’t have to be only the board that’s that’s helping other majors, major donors may be soliciting as well. You know, i found that that there are a number of boardmember boards that have had all the board members take the aston style assessment, and then they have analyzed the board according to asking style, how many do we have? Mission controllers? How many do we have kindred spirits and then had a lively conversation to say, well, what does this do to shape our board and how it functions? Turns out to be pretty rich material and the other party to the solicitation that we haven’t talked about yet is the donor the donor prospect themselves? How would we ah, how would we assess should we figure it out on their on our own? Should we send them to the to the assessment? What do you what’s your life there? Yes, well, it’s always handy if you do know a donor style, of course, and the field we’ve talked some about trying to adapt our style to fit a donor style. I believe that mostly when we’re anxious which most of us are one we solicit, gifts were not very good at being adaptable and mostly we don’t know the donorsearch style, so i think we’re better off starting from a style in which were most comfortable and understanding very simple. This very simple style quadrant system helps us become a little more attuned to how the donor’s responding. So for example, if i’m a go getter and i’m giving big ideas and i see the donorsearch art to ask questions about details, it might dawn on me that he’s a different style than i am, and i might want to provide him with a different kind of information. Do you like to see people take time to try to figure out which style the donor is in advance, or is that really hard to figure out about about someone else? And, you know, there certainly are some donors that we know quite well, and then we could do some kind of an assessment to relating to that if we don’t know a donor well, it’s a pig in a poke, so we might as well go in with our style and have some try to have tried to have some awareness that there are people are donors who who respond differently. Andrea kill state is with me and she’s, the co founder of asking matters dot com we’re talking about assessing your asking style, how about supporting volunteers of the different types? So if someone is the the one that’s not represented between the two of us eyes a rainmaker, how would you? How would the charity support the rain making the rainmaker volunteer before solicitation? Yes, it’s a wonderful question i charity would support a rainmaker by me being sure they had all of the information to review beforehand and well in advance before hand that they know very clearly what the goal is and not only the goal, but even a stretch goal, the rainmakers, they’re going to want to be competitive and they’re going to want to go get to the goal exceeded and even blast through it. So you want to give them something that helps them understand what happens if we go over the goal? Where will that money go? How will we use it? You might want to encourage them to consider making their own gift into a challenge for the people that they’re talking to. Oh, interesting, okay, they’re going to respond to that and rainmakers also like to work in a team. Sometimes an organization in their annual fund, for example, can create teams and have a rainmaker lead a team of two or three solicitors have a little mini competition going between teams. Rainmakers are going to rise to that. Excellent. They love that challenge, you know. Okay, how about your style? The go getter? How would a charity help prepare that person? Yes, i talked to a go getter in advance. Find out what lights that go, get her up and help them talk about it and articulated to other people. If they start practicing their own words, they’ll be set to go. I would not give those people six or eight or even five prospects at a time because they’re not as good organizing, organizing their information as others are, give them one or two, they’ll do it when the mood strikes them and then give them a couple more. So pierre so dull prospects out a little more careful, like the year go getters. One of the survey questions i ask before the show is who is responsible for supporting your volunteer solicitors, which is what we’re talking about now supporting the different asking styles and sort of a mixed bag of about fifty percent said no one person has the responsibility? Actually, that was, um so there’s about sixty percent. Um, and then about twenty five percent said that the only fundraiser in the shop is responsible for that. And another group about the same because people could pick more than one select one choice said i’d better listen to the show because we don’t use volunteers solicitors that was about twenty five percent. You could have a whole show on that. We have, we have witnesses that they should be listened t should listen to the last show. So when we months ago, we talked about firing up your board fund-raising with gail perry who you? Yes, and that goes back some time. But wait, we have covered that so so that the volunteers let me just say that, that that of course, they asked the styles applies equally to two staff, as it does to volunteers on, and i think it’s, i’ve i’ve seen development offices that have had very good and lively, effective conversations, having staff members take the asthma style assessment and talking about how they would then support one another or what kinds of information they needed to be effective solicitors. So this while i think it’s a great thing to use with volunteers. I encourage hill development chops to use it is yeah, yeah, the professionals, of course, yes. Do you have a story that in your own experience as where you really felt that knowing that you’re a go getter helped you in doesn’t have to necessarily be a solicitation, but helped you in some situation? Yes, in a number of ways, as a go getter, i always like to get someone who will support me and the things that i don’t do so well, so i know that i love thinking outside the box. I know that i that i don’t like to be like to tie things down, so if i can have someone come with me and actually tie down and ask, sort of kick me under the table and i’m still blue skying about all the exciting things weaken d’oh, it’s very helpful then, then i just can’t take that. Q. I think i can quiet down a little and have someone else take and bring the gift home very, very effective for me. I ran for many years a concert siri’s and raised all of the money for it actually tickets were free and because it was easier for me to raise money than it was to sell tickets, and when i found was that i couldn’t, i could get people excited about this concert siri’s very easily was harder for me to actually tied down a dollar amount, so i did get some other people to help me with that who were of cover and restart time and complimentary stoploss exactly we’re gonna have some time to talk about those pairings. Those fine pairing let’s see, before we take a break, i’d like to see what the kindred spirit and the mission controller would would. How charity would support those those two styles for for a solicitation, yes, so kindred spirit, you know, one of the ways to support a volunteer or a staff member is to pair them with is to give them prospects that are going to work best for them. Kindred spirits tend to be a little on the shy side. You’re talking about me now because i’m talking about you. They’re fantastically heartfelt people, but it’s a little harder for them to have people say no to them. Oh, that’s definitely rejections the rejections a little tougher than it is for me for example, someone says no to me, i’m just off on the next big idea can’t stand for any spirits. Having someone say no is hard, so my advice about kindred spirits is give them prospects who were going to say yes, actually quite simple to do that right? Don’t send them to the people who are going to say no, why put them in that position? You don’t have to send people out everyone out on our art gall send to go getter, send a rainmaker out on a heart out on a hard call don’t send the kindred spirit, and if they know they’re going to be going to talk to someone who is likely to say yes, it’s going to make them much happier to do it. So you get a whole group of people who were going to be willing this illicit gifts for you because who doesn’t like success? I just even had the most recent experience of that. Five minutes before the show, i went to the bakery that’s a few doors away, and i asked for whether there was still banana bread and she said no, you felt that i took it personal, they were out of them. They were out of the banana bread. I mean, that’s that’s in a president affront to me. Right? So find out what they have before. You can look in the case first, and then i’ll ask that just to get a yes so shallow just to get the yes, i’ll ask now, theo oh, shallow no, i’ve never been secret about that. I’m definitely shallow, shallow. I just made the little shine. Okay, i met shallow have always been shelling do not tweet that tony is shallow. You dare i’ll shut! I’ll shut you off in oklahoma city if you tweet that, put that ok before, but i was just in a minute before break and we didn’t talk about preparing the mission controller. The mission for soliciting. Yes, information, information information well in advance. Let me know exactly what you’re going to want from them and tell them exactly what they need to master. If they’re going to do a good job, then you can send them to almost anybody. But you might want to think to pair them with someone who’s a little more. Sparky. Right, much as i love mission controllers, and as i said, i’m married to one. They can be a little boring, so you have to be careful, right that you provide a little bit of spark, either by helping them find the language that will add a little sparkle, or by pairing them with someone else who will. I may be the aptly named host of this show, but i’m also shy and boring and on by self admission, shallow. So you’re listening to a shallow charlie boring. No don’t know thiss around. No, no, no it’s, not terrible at all. It’s fun, but what the pairing is important. It sze, great introspection. We’re going to take a break, a few messages, and when we return, it’s, time for tony’s, take too shallow onboarding on dh. Then, of course, andreas stays with me for the rest of the hour, and i hope you do, too. You’re listening to the talking alternative network. Kayman are you feeling overwhelmed in the current chaos of our changing times? A deeper understanding of authentic astrology can uncover solutions in every area of life. After all, metaphysics is just quantum physics. Politically expressed buy-in, montgomery, taylor and i offer lectures, seminars and private consultations. For more information, contact me at monte m o nt y at r l j media. Dot com are you stuck in your business or career trying to take your business to the next level, and it keeps hitting a wall? This is sam liebowitz, the conscious consultant. I will help you get to the root cause of your abundance issues and help move you forward in your life. Call me now and let’s. Create the future you dream of. Two, one, two, seven, two, one, eight, one, eight, three, that’s to one to seven to one, eight one eight three. The conscious consultant helping conscious people. Be better business people. Hey, all you crazy listeners looking to boost your business? Why not advertise on talking alternative with very reasonable rates? Interested simply email at info at talking alternative dot com welcome back, it’s time now for tony’s, take two at roughly thirty two minutes after the hour. My block post this week is next-gen charity will provoke your greatness. I would love to see you come to the next-gen charity conference, which is on november seventeenth and eighteenth here in new york city two weeks ago, i had the conference co founder jonah helper on this show that was the october twenty first show they are bringing in speakers the likes of craig newmark, the founder of craigslist, sharing his insights for for non-profits my show is a media sponsor, that means i’ll be backstage interviewing speakers as they as they come off stage for later replay on the show. But if you want to go to the conference and see all the speakers because i won’t be able to interview them all, you can save three hundred dollars off the six hundred fifty dollars registration fee using discount code tony radio you can see out on my block at m p g a d v dot com or you can go to next-gen charity dot com and use that discount code tony radio to save three hundred dollars, and i want to send a shout and the thanks. Last week’s block post was let’s help kelly for pete’s sake. A solo fundraiser named kelly asked a question in a linked in group and it was a very good question. Very simple question, but none of the forty five thousand members of that group had an answer. And it would be indiscreet of me to say the name of the group maja link. So it was a very common question. She asked the small. She came from a small shop and she asked, basically, how should i spend my time? And none of the forty five thousand people in motion link had an answer for her, so i blogged about it and about a dozen people little more than a dozen people stepped up and i want to thank you very much for doing that. The post is called let’s help kelly for pete’s sake. You can see the dozen people who commented and there’s also a very heartfelt and thoughtful thanks from kelly thanking everybody for their suggestions. And i thank you also for stepping up and helping kelly and the tens of thousands of small shop fundraisers just like her, that is tony’s. Take two for friday, november fourth. And we’re continuing, of course, to talk about assessing your asking style with andrea kill stead, the cofounder of asking matters. Dot com andrea. Okay, so now i was joking a little about, you know, being boring and shy. And then i added shallow, but but these are not just in case anybody doesn’t get my sense of humor. These air not negative lessons that were supposed to be taking from from what are asking style is is that right, andrea? I’m giving you a chance. Andrea. Thank you. Recover. Yes, i recover. I was i was saying to tony during during the break that i that i really think that the power of the asking stiles is that it puts in a very positive way how each of these four styles can be effective and are effective. So so i think, it’s important that we understand that that mission controllers are fantastic because there’s so responsible they really gather the information. They have it for people. They share it with donors there. They fantastic, for example, for foundation or corporate donors that want all of the detailed information. And material right? You can’t get better solicitors than that kindred spirits because they’re so heartfelt because they really care about what they’re asking for, and if they do it authentically take you know you don’t get better solicitors than that either each of these styles has something powerful to offer, and i just want to make sure that that your humor doesn’t let doesn’t make people think that any of the styles has something wrong with him. The whole purpose of this is to say, we have a much broader group of people who can effectively solicit gif ts and if we engage them in doing that, if we get out the door more, if we get out and ask more, we will yes raise more money. That’s where the rubber meets the road is our our ability or inability to get out and asked people fit for gift face-to-face and the asking style system is just a system to help us do more of that. You know, i feel very strongly my co founder and asking matters, brian saber and i both feel very strongly that that’s the limiter for most of us and most organizations and s in raising money that we don’t get ourselves out the door and asking if you’ve done any capital campaign work ever, you know that that’s why capital campaigns raise much more money because they get people out the door to ask, so look at the askanase thou assessment from that perspective, it’s a motivator to help people understand the way the toe ask that will suit them best, and to help staff members look at people in that light and get them to get out their support them properly. And it’s fun and it’s fun. It’s just a couple minutes i said, i did it myself. Of course it is fun. How about in pairings? We’ve mentioned that we’ve we’ve touched on this, but we haven’t actually talked about pairing solicitors based on their asking. Stiles what? What are the combinations that work well or don’t work well, yes, yes. So if you look at the little box that you might have drawn at your desk earlier, as i was describing the two axes, the pairing works best diagonally. So if you combine a go getter and mission controller, for example, then you have all four quadrants covered all four. All for access points covered. If you pair a rainmaker and a kindred spirit, you have all four access points covered. Now i should say that that that it is my belief that the people people work together most easily in in quadrants that air next to one another. They tend to get married for took in quadrants that air diagonally across from one another. And and i think actually it tends to sometimes you can even pair a pair a donor and someone who is who is diagonally opposed to them, because one will sparked the other. So, for example, a go getter will light may light up a mission controller as long as you have someone to bring the additional material. And the other padron works that way as well. You have a whole revenue stream here. Matchmaking, matchmaking t this should be turned into a metric. We have a show on kruckel turn of about matchmaking we should be so you said you married people tend to marry diagonally. Agonal? Yes, yes, but but but they tend to work most easily when they’re when they’re in the jason and adjacent quadrants. My belief is that the more you talk about the different styles and the more you come to appreciate and understand the styles of your co workers or yours spouse or your partner, the easier it is for us to get together and appreciate the qualities of the contrary. Styles raise more money. Find your life partner that’s what i’m asking that’s, right? Yes, i have a whole another career ahead of me. And you said that people work work well together when they’re paired next to sit next to you. Is that risk? That’s? Right? That’s, right. Working meeting in the office? Yes. People who are intuitive, for example, tend to find it easier to deal with one another. Then they do with someone who’s always act, asking them for the facts, the facts, the facts just the fax, ma’am, right? Those of us who are intuitive tend to get frustrated with that. Those people who are fact space tend to get frustrated with those of us who are good at generating ideas. So if we can again raise that up, raise that conflict up, sort of begin to understand that both are important and that we both bring something valuable to the table. We’ll be able to get along a little more better a little more better. We’ll be able get along a little better. So does this then have implications for the prospect assignment process in deciding not not was goingto prepare first of station but who’s going to be the primary relationship manager for a proper yes, yes, i think it actually does. I think once you get to know a prospect fairly well, it makes some sense to assign someone of us of a similar style to make sure that that prospect gets the information they need in the way in which they take it in most easily. So i think i think yes, as we get to know our prospects, we should have something that indicates in their file what we think they’re style is in fact, i’ve often thought that some of the donor software, if i get if i get sophisticated enough about this business would be nice is some of the donor software programs provided an opportunity to put asking styles and donor styles in that in that material? We don’t have it yet, but it would be a good thing to do. Is it possible, teo? Figure out for someone like me who has to style that came out equally whether one is dominant over the other or no. Yes, i’m glad you raised that when someone takes the asking style assessment online, some people get back a primary and a secondary style some people get back. Equivalence is what happens behind the scenes for that assessment is that we get four numerical scores and the results are based on the numerical scores, so sometimes people come out equal in two scores, as you have mostly we come out with a primary score in a secondary score, and in fact, all of us have a little of each of those styles in us, right? Very few of us or one or the other, though occasionally some of us are are stronger, you know, and have more flip, more fluid ity than than others do. I think on thee asking matters website, you can actually see there were see the write ups of all four styles and somebody could even come to the website and just play with putting different answers in and see what? See what comes up. You could try to be a rain maker. If you want to be a go getter, tony, you can actually plug in all the answers that you think would lead you there and you’ll probably get a go getter. Go get her profile back. Okay? And i answered honestly, the first that’s, right? And i encourage people to do that. But people could also play with it a little something with that, um, and let’s talk about making the case for giving or, you know, yes. Whether i mean, charities typically have a case statement or something, but but in terms of how different style person is goingto make the case to that prospect, how does that very yes. You see, i found that very interesting, really. In organizations, we tend to want to make a case or have an elevator pitch. My belief is that when out of different styles, we think about it differently, we do it differently. We communicate differently. So i think it works wonderfully, actually, to have everybody in a group take, they ask, is that assessment? And then do is cem exercise is getting people to say, well, how would you make how what would your elevator speech sound like? Right in? A room have the mission controllers come up with their elevator speech? Have the rainmakers come up with their elevator speech? They’re going to do it quite differently, right? Mission controller is going to start with details and with outcomes the go getters going to start with, you know, if we do, if we work on this problem, we will change the world in that way, right? Where mission control is not going to think that way. They’re going to think from a detail up to a big picture the people who are into it, if we’re going to think from a big picture down to the detail. So i think these air one it’s wonderful opportunities for exercises to help people come up with thie elevator speech, the case for your organization that comes out of someone most naturally, most comfortably, that sets them up for going and talking to a donor in a way that’s going to feel right to them that leads me to think about then, finally, on this subject, the pairing of solicitors should they repaired in good work teams so that they’re in the quadrants that are next to each other? Is that yes. I would probably pair solicitors diagonally, and in doing that, my one, my one worry always about having two or more people. So is it a gift is that we tend to work on what we’re going to say, so we tend to take all of the air time. If you have two people soliciting a gift, i encourage you to send two people by all means pear diagonally if you can, across the asking styles. But be sure that you leave enough opportunity for questions to get the donor talking, rather than just having the solicitor phil all the time. We have some messages to share with you, and then after that break, andre will stay with me, and we’re gonna have a chance to talk about her most recent book, which is how to raise one million dollars or more in ten bite-sized steps. And i hope you’ll stay with us talking alternative radio twenty four hours a day. Hi, i’m carol ward from the body mind wellness program. 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Durney welcome back, andrea, kill stead and i are talking about assessing your asking style, and i want to make it clear that in order to do that, to assess your asking style, you go to asking matters dot com and it’s it’s all free and available to everyone as a resource to figure out what style you are. We’ll have a chance now to talk about andrea’s second book um, how to raise one million dollars or more in ten bite-sized steps now, this is a smaller version, a condensed version of your first book, right? Yes, or at least it’s, a story’s based version, if you if you will. I was a capital campaign consultant for a great many years and wrote a fairly good sized book on capital campaign fund-raising this is a a ten chapter little chapter book that tells stories about campaigns that that makes clear some of the primary lessons that we need to know if we’re going to raise major gift money. And is your message in using stories that charity that charities should be telling stories themselves in their fund-raising, you know, charity certainly should be telling stories themselves, but if they wanted to have a book like this to give to their board, for example, they’re doing some major fund-raising and want every boardmember teo teo, learn a little more about how to raise money through major gif ts this would be the kind of kind of book you could. You could do that with it’s, a quick read it’s, about forty five fifty minute reed it’s engaging because it tells tales, interesting stories about real people who raised really money and, you know, had various interesting things happen to them through campaigns, but do you like to see charities using their own story? I did, and they’re fund-raising absolutely, yes. I like to see people using stories all over the place we all know there much more interesting than mohr, dry factual information, graphs and charts. A good story has delicate mission controllers like grass and charts, i have to say, but but they like stories, too. Early on in the book you you recommend you actually say it’s pretty important to approach different people in different ways regarding the exact same funding opportunities. How do we do that? Yes, i think that’s a chapter on goose bumps if i the idea really is that we wanted twice in one show, you said the word goose princessa combination ation. I’ve never i’ve been doing this for a year and a half. I don’t think we’ve ever used with everest twice in one show it now it’s overdone. Now, it’s, i won’t mention it again, but but i have to say, if you do have a visceral response, something moves you, then you’re more much more likely to respond to it generously. Now how we’re going to figure out how somebody is going to respond. How sorry, how different people are going to respond to the exact same funding. Yes, there’s a very simple answer to that, and that has asked them. You know what? We’ll find nothing like asking people what in their life overlaps with what you’re doing. Why might they be interested in in the cause of your organization? Does something in their history to something in their current interest, this does something connect with him and you’ll find many, many people have different ways of thinking about her looking at things. So, for example, the story that i use in the in the book is a story of a science center. Yeah, the lancaster, pennsylvania, and the person who founded the center had had some personal experience with dyslexia, and he’d like to hands on on learning because that’s, the way he learned best when he talked to the person who was in the foundation who was controlled sameh germany in the foundation, that person couldn’t care less about dyslexia. That person was interested in bringing tourists to lancaster, pennsylvania. He had a serious interest in doing that. So when when when the founder, jim, started talking about tourism and about how many people would come in the door and what would happen to the downtown if they had an organization like that and down down all of a sudden he found a different kind of response. So of course we need to understand the breadth of responses that we can get for our projects, not just the ones that happened to appeal to. Us. Sometimes we forget how broadly something can can have. Tentacles can have reach your your advice is different than ah, a variation of yeah, of other advice that guests have given, which is you’re saying toe ask the person what? What in your life overlaps with our work. And what i’ve heard in the past is asking, what about our work moves you those are different. Yes, they are different, i think exploring the overlap between the person’s life outside the charity that sir and the charities that’s, right? See, i think my belief is that we spend much too much time talking about our charity and much too little time exploring what turns on a donor, whether it’s, a foundation donor and individual. So i think we need to shift the balance of that right. Instead of spending seventy percent of the time talking telling about us, i think we need to spend at least sixty percent of the time asking about them and there’s that listening and there’s. That listening listener, yes. And listening is tremendously powerful. I recently was talking to someone who solicits gif ts for hot for a hospital. She said, you know, i have a problem with doctors? I have thirty minutes to go in solicited doctor and i spend thirty minutes talking to the doctor and i don’t have really have time to get to get to my pitch. My advice to her was don’t make your pitch spend spend the first fifteen minutes asking the doctor what he’s interested in, and you know what? He’ll end up giving you sixty minutes instead of thirty minutes because you’re interested in him. So let’s begin with a serious interest, a curiosity about our donors, then we can turn translate that into where, where the intersections are in interests between them and our organization, and that is actually very consistent with advice that other guests have given listening, giving, giving time for the donor to speak and for us to be actively listening to right what they’re saying, i think curiosity really is what is what makes us all good at this business? Okay, excellent, which actually leads to something that i saw lana twitter fundchat last month you and i were both on ah a twitter twitter chat called fundchat and you can follow it using hashtag fundchat and someone posted that in preparing for on and ask if they want to put on their game face and you suggested no. Rather why don’t you wear that? You prefer that you prefer to be vulnerable and be curious about the prospect? Yes, well, i find i find that that if someone is genuinely curious about me, i am much more available to them. And i imagine you would find the same thing that if someone really wants to know who you are, what interests you, how we might connect, they’re likely then they start moving towards you as opposed to giving them a wall. What i think of is a wall of words if i tell them about me and make them find the intersection, they’re much less likely to really to really listen and be willing to be vulnerable. That’s, right? And for anyone who’s interested invulnerability? Check out brain a browns ted talk b r e n e brown. She has a fantastic she’s, a researcher on vulnerability. Fantastic ted talk, andrea kill state is a consultant, writer and trainer and fund-raising the cofounder of asking matters dot com, where you can take the assessment and figure out what you’re asking. Style is, and she has written two books on fund-raising andrea, thank you very much for being a guest. Thank you, tony it’s a pleasure to be with you today. Thank you, it’s my pleasure as well. Next week, rachel emma silverman, reporter for the wall street journal and she writes for the journal’s, blogged the juggle, how can you balance work and life in today’s environment? I’m going to talk about that with rachel emma silverman next week with the two of those things work and personal life competing for your time. Also, maria semple are regular prospect research contributor she going to talk about a new linked in feature next week? The volunteer section it has research potential and gives you greater exposure on the on that popular site, and they also have joe ferraro. Next week, the association of fund-raising professionals, westchester county chapter in new york he’s going to talk about their national philanthropy day coming up, keep up with what’s coming up! 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